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UPDATE: 9 MONTHS LATER: Awhile back Kevin wrote me suggesting I watch FORBIDDEN ZONE starring lilliputian thespian Herve Villachaiz aka "Tattoo" from FANTASY ISLAND. At the time I was "on the wagon" and refused to do so. Now I'm not gonna insult Kevin's intelligence and claim to have been sober this whole time....but what Kevin needs to know is that I live with a very serious man and a very influential child...and so I just can't pop FORBIDDEN ZONE into the DVD player and expect NOT to have to .....as they used to say on I LOVE LUCY: Start 'Splainin'!
 
I feel reallllly bad it took me 9 months to get around to this (Hey! 9 months! We could have had a baby! Well, not me and Kevin per se....but SOMEONE could've had a baby in the amount of time it took for me to decide to try to polish this turd!)
 
My husband went on a Business Trip and so I bought some beer and settled in to watch what Kevin claimed was "The Worst Movie Ever Made".
 
And ya know what? Kevin knows his sh!t! This is definately Top 10 Worst material! (I regret to admit I no longer have Kevin's email address....and that - by some stroke of luck - I hope he DOES write back with a few more "groaners". The man do know what SUCK!)
 
So....anyway...this movie is sort of like a John Waters Experimental Film  - which is being KIND cuz I DO like John Waters and love POLYESTHER, SERIAL MOM and some of his less raunchy outings. The first 5 minutes felt like "Wow - it's as if John Waters was trying to parody Old School Betty Boop cartoons!" My mirth was short-lived.
 
What this movie was about was this hokum strange-ass family (Is it just WRONG that I was happier when I thought Chicken Boy was jerking off in that trash can rather than flapping his arms? And, by the way, wouldn't he be a "Rooster Boy" since chickens are females? Or were his sort-of-hinted-at-gay-mannerisms what made him a chicken and not a cock?) and the elders warnings that their "children" (yes, Folks: like a Waters film the "children" are old enough to remember when Jimmy Carter was president) not go into The Sixth Dimension.
 
The Sixth Dimension is run by Herve Villachaiz ("Boss Boss, The plane , the plane!"....and if you don't know by THAT quote who I'm talking about pack your a** up and LEAVE this website, you are NOT worthy!) and Susan Tyrell.  It's a kooky, crazy, cartoon-esque world (like the place in the Opening Scenes WASN'T???) and it's the...duh duh DUH: FORBIDDEN ZONE!
 
So of course some fool accidentally falls into the FORBIDDEN ZONE...and....well, it's not as crazy and wild and entertaining as I thought it would be (UNLESS you're on drugs...And I suspect the peeps who made this flick WERE).
 
There IS a sex scene (sort of) between Herve and The Queen that was sort of amusing. Look - the sight of 3 foot Tattoo humping a 6 foot dame is either gonna make you laugh or hurl - I tittered. (He also humps another chick later in the film. All of this humping garnered the flick an X rating which is hilarious because everybody is pretty much fully-clothed and the humping itself is not very convincing) 
 
Anyway......there were AT LEAST 3 or 4 (or 5!) seperate occasions while viewing this that I rolled my eyes into the back of my head and moaned out loud "OhmyGod - this is SO bad!" I had drank a 6 pack of BUDWEISER...but it wasn't enough. Hell, a 30 pack of BUD, two shots of Tequila and 3 Elephant Tranquelizer darts wouldn't have made this shit WATCHABLE, let alone "good!"
 
Now, I will skip around here.....to The Almost End...and we have OINGO BOINGO's Danny Elfman as The Devil. Now - unless I heard the story wrong, HE wrote most of th!s sh!t...(or maybe just the soundtrack?.....I forget) well anyway, what that bat rastard Danny Elfman did is....SAVE THE BEST SONG FOR HIMSELF!!!! He really did! Anyone who watched '50s cartoons (me cuz I have a like for Betty Boop and Felix The Cat and Kevin cuz...well, he was alive back then and they had no cable options!) will watch this scene and think "Hey, I've HEARD this song before! Is this a cover version of that song from that old Haunted House cartoon?" Well, no, cuz Danny Effman puts in lyrics that pertain to the movie. BUT...the song is decent. "WATCH the movie" decent? NO! Look his 3 minute scene up on YOU TUBE!
 
Now I'm a gal who likes to get her 5 bucks worth...but...Kevin wins! I DID NOT MAKE IT TO THE END OF THE "FILM'"!!!!!!
 
I made it to the Cat Fight Scene between The Old Queen and The New Queen and I - someone who NEVER misses a repeat of THE BRADY BUNCH - said "Ya know WHAT? My TIME is worth MORE than this!!!! When I am on my deathbed dying...I will WANT the 15 minutes it would take to watch the rest of this movie back!!!!" (I spent that 15 minutes writing this UPDATE, Readers. WHY? Because I CARE....And I CARE about warning you about watching this dud!)
 
Good call, Kevin! Please keep in touch with more "wow - I wasted my life" video rental requests! (I almost feel COMPELLED to make a World-Wide Search out of finding Kevin. He really touched my soul in a weird way...and plus: He was 50: He has probably seen everything from Ed Wood to BATTLEFIELD EARTH by now!
 
No foolin, dude, if you're out there- drop a line
 
No Imposter Kevins please.
 
Want to send me Fan Mail? Hate Mail? Play Stump The Master?
Write me at mamamiasweetpeaches@msn.com  I love hearing from you guys!
 
FANMAIL #5
 
SEPTEMBER 2008: 80s' Rocked from the Message Boards at www.fast-rewind.com  writes:
 
"Hey, Mama, I just visted your website and I think it's pretty awesome. I didn't look at everything yet, but the music section was very cool and also gave me a few laughs. :D
 
It's nice to "meet" others with similar music interests as me.

Anyway, that is all. Just wanted yo give you your "props".
 
MY REPLY: I am almost ashamed of myself. It took me about a month to write back to this one (I will explain why in a moment).
 
Thanks '80s Rocked, for visiting my site and taking the time to write. You guys probably don't realize how much every little bit of positive "fan mail" I get makes my day and makes me have PROOF to show my husband that I am not toiling away in vain - people really DO read this sh!t!
 
Now - as to why it took so long to reply - It's summertime and the living ain't easy. My 9 year old daughter is off from school and where this used to be a real pleasure cruise it has now turned into a battle royale. She seems to have turned tween and now everything I say and do is stupid. If I have to hear the words "Duhhhhh" or "Like, Duhhhhh" or "Like, Duhhhhh, Maaaaa...." one more time I am going to pull a pair of pantyhose up over my head and climb up into the nearest watchtower with my shotgun. This kid used to look up to me! Now I'm so totally uncool (as if!) and Can Do No Right.
 
The other day I was walking around the house singing and she was like "OMG, Mom...STOP IT before my friends get here!" Your friends? The same group of little phuckers I buy pizza and Italian ices for every day? The same little bastards I take to the park? Let pee in my pool? THOSE PEOPLE? THEY might have issue with me? THEY might think it's lame to see a 37 year old white woman dancing around the kitchen singing "Mama-say-mama-sah-mah-mah-coo-sah"? REALLY?
 
The other day I was singing a SEAN KINGSTON song that was stuck in my head and instead of being HAPPY that Hip Young Mom knew this 2008 hit my daughter glared at me and said "What the Hell are you singing? Are you making FUN of SEAN KINGSTON?" and I was like "Making fun of him? He should be HAPPY I even KNOW this song!" and she said "Well, you don't know the words....The words YOU're singing are stupid!" and I said "Really? Cuz those are the lyrics to the song!" and she said "No way!" and I said "Way!"
 
Well, this is when having a computer comes in ANNOYINGLY convienant! I went online, asked JEEVES for  SEAN KINGSTON LYRICS and seconds later what popped up on screen. the lyrics my daughter deemed "stupid" : "We Can Go To The Slums Where Killers Get Hung Shorty, I Can Take You There" HA! I KNEW I was singing the right lyrics!
 
Then the other day we were in the car and My Humps went on. When we got out of the car I still had it in my head so I was walking through WALMART singing "Put your milk in my COCO PUFFS, milky milky COCO PUFFS, put your milk in my COCO PUFFS, milky milky riiiiiight"  My daughter was horrified. I said "Don't blame me, blame the BLACK EYED PEAS: They wrote that sh!t!" and she was all like "No way!" and I was like "Way!"
 
She doesn't have a leg to stand on in this fight. It's not ME that's uncool, it's all these sucky bands who write horrible music and terrible lyrics! 50 years from now when they talk about the Greatest Lyrics Ever Writ I highly doubt the list will be
"Blowing In The Wind"
"Give Peace A Chance"
and "Put Your Milk In My COCO PUFFS, milky milky COCO PUFFS" !
 
UPDATE - AGAIN!: Amber wrote me AGAIN to let me know that BLACK DEVIL DOLL will be out on DVD and For Sale this Fall. Let the rejoicing begin, Brothas and Sistahs!!!
 
UPDATE: Amber wrote back to tell me she DID track down a copy of BLACK DEVIL DOLL FROM  HELL. She told me she told me she watched it and that it was crap but she didnt tell me how she FELT about the experience.  Did the movie make her happy? Sad? Confused? Eager to experiment with puppet love? I don't know. All I could tell her was that the movie is unforgetable: I watched LORD OF THE RINGS 5 years ago and remember nothing but I watched BLACK DEVIL DOLL FROM HELL 20 years ago and remember EVERYTHING so in the long run, which was the "better" movie????
 
If you haven't seen BLACK DEVIL DOLL FROM HELL yet, what are you waiting for? Watch it and your life will never be the same: Food will taste better, wine will be more potent, flowers will smell more fragrant,...even sex will be better (No, I do not exagerate!)
 
Amber sent me a link to a movie that I have (shockingly!) not seen: www.blackdevildoll.com No, it's NOT the same film...THIS black devil doll is not from Hell! Judging by the poster he's from outer-space. Or Detroit. BLACK DEVIL DOLL was apparently the first movie shot in "Negroscope"! (Surely it wont be the last). I have no idea what this movie is about but the poster trumpets "BLACK DEVIL DOLL: HE'S A MUTHAFUCKIN' PUPPET. Ahhhhh. Thanks for clearing that up for me. And I loooove how they misspelled "mutha" as to not offend anybody , and yet did nothing to try to disguise the word "fuckin'" . Classy! I assume the movie is about a black doll who is a puppet who likes to fuck muthas. Sounds good to me! Do yourself a favor and check out the poster for this jammy at www.blackdevildoll.com .There are no cast credits given but judging by the poster art this thing stars Alexis Arquette, Tila Tequila, the head of Tia Carrera grafted onto Anna Nicole Smith's body and the four love children of James Brown and The Reverand Al Sharpton. NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN my ass, I'm renting THIS tonight!
 
Thanks, Amber!
 
FANMAIL #4
 
MARCH 2008: Amber writes:
 
"I love your website. You are so awesome. I can't get enough of your site.
I want to see BLACK DEVIL DOLL FROM HELL. I saw a clip on YOU TUBE and my husband and I watch the clip over and over and laugh our asses off.
Do you have a copy? I can't find it anywhere. We must see this piece of crap!"
 
MY REPLY:
 
I saw BLACK DEVIL DOLL FROM HELL many years ago on VHS. I a few years ago I went online to buy it for my friend Karl as a "Gag Gift" and was suprised to see USED VHS copies going for $200! (I don't even think this movie cost $200 to MAKE!)
 
There are rumors that the movie is getting (or has recently GOTTEN) the DVD treatment but "fans" cry "bullshit" on that one. (Is it SAD this movie has "fans"??? I have never seen CITIZEN KANE or CASABLANCA and yet I have seen BLACK DEVIL DOLL FROM HELL. My parents must be so proud!)
 
I will check the IMDB Message Board for BLACK DEVIL DOLL FROM HELL every so often to see if the movie is getting a legitimate release....but I don't really know if it's gonna happen anytime soon (Then again, THE DUMMY got the DVD treatment , and that movie was just as shit as BLACK DEVIL DOLL, so MAYBE...!)
 
(For anyone who doesn't know what we're talking about, go on YOU TUBE and look up "BLACK DEVIL DOLL FROM HELL". You will be shocked and amazed. Gary Coleman has never been better!
 
FANMAIL #3 / A RECOMMENDATION! :
 
JANUARY 2008: Kevin writes:
 
"God knows in my 50 years on this planet I have seen some real disasters, but the cream of the crop has to be FORBIDDEN ZONE with little Herve (Tatoo). God awful from start to finish. As you mentioned about other movies in your reviews, this is the proverbial train wreck, you know it is going to be bad and - how about that - it really is!!!
 
IMDB has more information on this major disaster. No wonder he killed himself, I would have too after this stinker!
 
Let me know if you can make it through the whole movie without barfing!"
 
MY REPLY:
 
Hi, Kevin, thanks for
 
A.  Visiting the site
B. Taking the time to write and
C. Making a recommendation
 
And you get EXTRA CREDIT cuz I actually HAVEN'T seen this movie yet. You piqued my interest so I went on NETFLIX and surprise, surprise : It IS out on DVD and they DO have it in stock! I read about half of the synopsis and didn't even have to finish reading it: I put that sucker at the top of my que! Any movie that promises "frog butlers, topless princesses, machine-gun toting teachers, CHICKEN BOYS (!), human chandeliers, Danny Elfman as The Devil and Herve Villechaize as a sex-obsessed midget" has to be worth the rental fee and the price of a bottle of JACK DANIELS (I havent had a drink in two weeks - New Years Resolution - but whose fooling who? I wont be able to get through the whole movie without a few belts of SOMETHING!)
 
You've also got me wondering about some of Herve's OTHER cinematic contributions. I remember hearing he was in TWO MOON JUNCTION and GREASERS PALACE and a few other flicks.....maybe I should go Full Throttle Herve ( a great name for a band, by the way)  and rent 'em all! Somewhere in Heaven (Or Hell? After all he WAS a suicide and supposedly used to beat up his six foot tall wife/ girlfriend (?) Like, you can just see him beating on her kneecaps, can't you? Hahaha!)  Herve is looking down (or up) at me and thinking "FINALLY! SOMEONE is going to watch my movies! And appreciate them, dammit!"
 
I will get back to you on whether I barf and if I can get my hands on some of Herve's other works I will be sure to UPDATE here and tell you how good or bad they were.
 
Q. Does Herve Villechaize like Peanut M & M's?
A. No, he likes The plain! The plain!
 
Hahaha....I crack myself up. Thanks for the letter. You really brightened a dull morning!
 
UPDATE: Just wanted to let Kevin know that I have been "On The Wagon" for the past few weeks and didn't want to tempt myself into drinking by having this movie in my house. I WILL rent it soon though. When I'm feeling "strong" enough to deal!
 
FANMAIL #1:
 
JANUARY 2008: Vanessa in Florida writes:
 
"First of all, it's great that you finally updated your site. It looks great, and the "Hate Mail" section is hilarious. I did read the Silver Peach Awards section, and did you realize that your favorite actor (read: the one you think is Satan's spawn) Freddie Prinze Jr was in HAPPILY N'EVER AFTER with Sarah?
I'm beginning to understand why it's considered bad luck for actors to work with their spouses in films.
 
I did read what you wrote about Jamie-Lynn and I wanted to share with you what I wrote on my FACEBOOK blog (thats right: I finally left MY SPACE) regarding Jamie-Lynn and how she badly screwed up her life. It's somewhat diplomatic (though I was afraid it came off preachy- after all, I do not advocate teen pregnany by any means) I'm just talking as a concerned older sister, but as a parent you might find it insightful. Enjoy!
 
TO VIEW VANESSA'S BLOG ABOUT JAMIE-LYNN SPEARS go here: http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=8064386325&id=698514179&index=5
Hopefully that works, If not:"
 
(Vanessa goes on to  write about how The Spears family is a train-wreck and how she had higher hopes for Jamie Lynn. She lets me know that she's not a prude - that sex is great  but that everyone should make sure to take precautions as to avoid unwanted pregnancy and disease and should make sure they are in a stable place in their lives before bringing more people into this world. She uses the 'MAURY Teens" as an example of people who shouldn't be trying to have babies and also talks about how with 'role models' like the Spears bumpkins, Lindsay Lohan and nudie cutie click-click-click Vanessa Ann Hudgens all of us parents and sisters should try to be there to guide the young girls in our lives in the right direction  ).
 
MY REPLY:
 
It's always nice to hear from one of my favorites! I have "known" Vanessa for almost as long as I have been working on this site (4 years). We "met" on a Hal Sparks fan message board and have been keeping in touch ever since.
 
Vanessa is an actress (Look for her in CRUEL INTENTIONS 3!) and when she first sent me pictures of herself I almost fell out of my chair. Bee-yoo-tee-full! Absolutely stunning!
 
I will now reply to her comments in the order that I received them:
 
1. I WANT to like Freddie Prinze Jr - much in the same way I want to like Brendan Fraser- but when they keep making crappy movie after crappy movie I just can not do it! Cute - yes - But don't they ever read the script???? Terrible. And there's no excuse for it - Johnny Depp is cute and he STILL makes quality films!  Cute AND Entertaining! It IS Possible!
 
2. Sarah Michelle Gellar - I liked her once but some of the movies she's been in lately make me weep for her!
 
3. Yes, actors and their partners should never make movies together. Sean Penn and Madonna made SHANGHAI SURPRISE and it was a bomb. Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck made GIGLI and it was a bomb. Marc Anthony and J LO just made one together...didnt they? Did it bomb? I dont know. I haven't been paying much attention to it (Cant even recall the name of the movie!) So the lesson to be learned here, Vanessa, is this: You can date Mark Ruffalo all you want.. just dont make any movies with him!
 
4. MY SPACE is full of perverts and degenerates. How do I know this? I know 40 year old men who go on there and talk to 15 year old girls. Proof Enough.
 
5. BRITNEY SPEARS has not set a good example for Jamie-Lynn...But wouldn't you think Jamie-Lynn would be bright enough to look at Britney and think "Yikes. I ain't NEVER gonna let that happen to me!"  QUESTION 1. Did Jamie Lynn get pregnant to try to steal the spotlight from Britney? Did Britney have a 5150 flip-out to steal the spotlight back from Jamie-Lynn? Since Britney isn't allowed to watch her OWN kids does this mean she's not legally allowed to babysit Jamie-Lynns? And  On ZOE 101 who is Zoe's Baby Daddy: Logan or Chase? 
 
6. I appreciate The Sexual Revolution too and might I add that when I was Jamie-Lynn's age I had my hand in the pickle jar as well. But I was smart enough to learn Trojans Are A Girls Best Friend (And if TROJAN wants to use that slogan in their next add campaign they will have to pay me eight thousand dollars first). 
 
7. I agree. I waited til I was married to get pregnant. And as for STDs I've somehow avoided those. Guess all the alcohal kills the germs!
 
8. Those MAURY Teens are not nearly as entertaining as the women who come on and do Paternity Tests. I want to get a tattoo on my back of Maury Povitch's face and a cartoon bubble over his head that says You ARE NOT the father!" I love when he says that...And he says it a lot!
 
9. Your sisters are lucky to have you.
 
10. At least Vanessa Anne Hudgens wasn't "jailbait" anymore. Not that its any of our business, but do you think her and Zac Effron actually....Did It?!
 
11. I've said it before and I'll say it again: WHERE ARE THE NAKED ZAC EFFRON PICTURES?????
 
12. LINDSAY LOHAN : DOA within the next two years.
 
13. I heard that NICKELODON is going to get Linda Ellerbee to do a Teen Pregnancy show featuring Jamie-Lynn Spears. Lets just hope they don't try to paint Jamie-Lynn the hero. I don't know how they can pull such a show off without either  making teen pregnancy look good or making Jamie Lynn like a total idiot. Good luck with that.
 
14. I too wish Jamie-Lynn luck and hope she has more luck than Britney.
 
15. * I am an idiot who doesn't know how to "cut and paste" otherwise I would have ran your whole letter. If you want me to put up a link that will lead people to your blog tell me how to do it and I will.
 
Thanks for writing! Keep in touch!
 
FAN LETTER # 2:
 
JANUARY 2008: John From.....(well, I don't know where he's from) Writes:
 
" I know well I should not hate. But a lot of people on your list I'm not crazy about either!.......
 
(John then tells me about a show from the '80s called MR MOON'S MAGIC CIRCUS)
 
'................Anyway - is a great site you have"
 
MY REPLY:
 
I tryed to run a copy of the letter off my computer but it didn't work (Is MSN afraid I will use a copy of the letter to blackmail John or sully his good name? Hmmm. Makes me wonder.)
 
I thank John for visiting my site and taking the time to write. I also let him know that No, I have never seen MR MOON'S MAGIC CIRCUS. Heck! I've never even HEARD of it! But you best be believin' I will be on IMDB and YOU TUBE looking for it. It sounds absolutely fascinating! Can't wait to check out the "erotic yet innocent" action!
 
Thanks, John. I always appreciate recommendations...and this is the first time someone has ever said "Have you ever heard of...And I've replyed with "No, I havent"! Usually someone says something like "Have you ever heard of THE BUGALOOS?" and I say "Of course I have! Don't be ridiculous!"
 
I will come back later and tell you guys what I thoughtof MR MOON and that fabulous MAGIC CIRCUS of his!
 
UPDATE: So far I haven't found any proof of MR MOON'S MAGIC CIRCUS (I've checked IMDB and YOU TUBE) but I'll keep looking. Anyone with info about the show please drop me a line at mamamiasweetpeaches@msn.com
 
UPDATE...AGAIN! : John, you made this shit up! I totally cant find MR MOON'S MAGIC CIRCUS ANYWHERE! LOL! I will keep looking..................and give you the benefit of the doubt that you're not just "jerkin'" me!
 
 
 
HATEMAIL #1
 
DECEMBER 2007: Maureen in New York writes:
 
"Okay, okay...Every song you mentioned that made you puke is in my car! WTF??
I think I'm entertaining, aren't I?
Boy, between all my "friends"............."
 
MY REPLY:
 
I love this: When a friend or relative of mine writes under the guise of being an anonymous reader! (Maureen is a friend and PRACTICALLY a relative because her daughter is MY daughter's Siamese Twin)
 
Maureen, it should come as no big surprise to you to see me trash FERGIE and RHIANNA  in print. You knew when you met me that I only liked '70s and '80s music! Hanging out in your car has for the most part been a pleasant experience. I actually LIKED the AMY WINEHOUSE song and the SEAN KINGSTON song. I even sort of liked the ENRIQUE IGLESIAS song and the song by Satan himself P DIDDY. I just don't like FERGIE (who by the way, looks A LOT like Bret Michaels, Ever notice?) and I probably never will. Now go home, put on some DONNA SUMMER and chillax!