I recently received a mass email sent from Katie Lintner, inviting a Mennonite Family to appear on the TV show Wife Swap. This is my public response.

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No.

Quite simply, I don’t believe that you are being honest with yourself or others when you say that reality TV (and Wife Swap in particular) is not about negativity. Reality TV (like scripted TV) thrives on conflict and the negative energy that is the immediate and instinctive outgrowth of that conflict. Any person who has worked in the arts will affirm that conflict (real or contrived) is the essence of drama. The very idea of disrupting the family system with drastically different outside influence is a way of introducing conflict. I believe that your show looks for peaceful resolution, but that resolution seeks to introduce compromise to the values of both families ... not necessarily a good thing, when peace is at the center of those values.

There is a safety and tranquility that is necessary in the home that is neither simple to accomplish or maintain. It is not helped by suggesting that disruptive, short-term, yet intimate change can encourage open-minded responses better than, say, intentional relationship building with long-term implications and deep, caring efforts at understanding. A new “mom,” forcing changes in behavior and attitude is not more helpful than the introduction of a new family of friends with different values and the safe discussion of those differences in a home where respect for the individuals involved can be taught.

I do not fault you for trying to do your work well, using the tools that are natural to that job. But, in my experience, the invitation of a person who values peace into a situation that is inherently conflict oriented is a way of exploiting the values of the more gentle person, ultimately discrediting either the person or their values.

The reason, if you are honest with yourself and others, that you want “a great family with strong views and strong morals” is so that you can pair them with another family who has contrasting values … the definition of conflict, a recipe for negative feedback.

In short, if your scenario worked as drama, it would not work as peace making, discrediting the Peace of Christ. If it worked as peace making, it would not work as drama, and hence would not be aired, a waste of everyone’s time and energy. Our value system is not about public display but about personal transformation. I am less interested in contrived experimentation with peace making then I am in the real thing, that changes lives and increases understanding among enemies, making them potential friends.

Pastor's sometimes moan to each other about the challenges of their vocation. Yes, we do. Pastoring is often difficult and the difficulties are usually not something we can confront directly. Yada yada yada ...

Anyway, sometimes people ask what the rewards of pastoring are. Mandy gave me one today. For the last several months Chris Johnson has been working with me in my Sunday School class of children: Sophia, Emma and Samantha (incredibly fun young ladies). He has taught, I believe, three or four lessons since we began working together. Yesterday was the latest.

Mandy's blog (http://quietradical.typepad.com/quiet_radical/2009/01/theology-for-seven-year-olds.html) related the story of how well Sophia picked up the lesson yesterday and retained the point that Chris has been working on for weeks. She was able to tell the whole story and to relate it to the power and identity of Jesus. Wow.

Way to go Chris! You rock!

Now, the satisfaction part. Sophia knows Jesus better than she did a week ago. She is excited enough about Him to be able to talk about Him with her mom. But no direct thanks to me. She got it from someone to whom I was teaching a skill. Chris can teach a very effective Bible lesson under circumstances that are sometimes hard to gauge.

That's the center core of a pastor's job: to teach and equip. The fact that I can see a reproduction of God's gift to me in my flock is the clearest mark of a successful endeavor that I could encounter.

Thank you God!