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| Chancellor Carlyle Roberts, II, B.Div. |
As the title of this page says, Chancellor
really is my first name. No, I don't have a title (though I'm sure there are things that people have been inclined to call
me behind my back). I'm named after my father (Chancellor Carlyle Roberts, I) who, in turn, was named after his mother's school
teacher. Of course, my father and his ancestors were all Appalachian Mountain people from McDowell County, West Virginia (yes,
real hillbillies) and seemed to have this really strange bent for odd names. When I was younger, I tolerated my name and never
acknowleged even having a middle name (one that is nearly as odd as my first name). I put up with a lot in school for having
my name - Was it REALLY too much to ask for teachers to be able to pronounce a simple, three-syllable name? - but now as I've
gotten older and have learned to forgive the past, I've come to embrace it as part of who I am. There was a time when names
actually had meaning and, well, I can tell you from personal experience that names often do reflect the personality of the
person behind it. So, yes, I am my name. For more information, scroll down to the section titled I am my name and
more about me.
 
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Announcements
- Announcements
HOMOSEXUALS CHANGE
ALL IN HIS NAME MINISTRIES offers hope and help for homosexuals wanting to find the path to change. Contact us at
(716) 881-5558. We are an Exodus-affiliated ministry of New Life Assembly, 14 North Street, Buffalo, NY 14202.
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| New Life Assembly, 14 North Street, Buffalo, NY 14202 |
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Friday, June 10, 2005
Gay What?
June is celebrated among homosexuals as Gay Pride Month. From Gay Days at Disney to
Gay Pride Parades in cities around the world to a host of other varied events, homosexuals flaunt their “vile affections”
(see Romans 1:26 KJV) and their chosen perversions as they demand not merely to be accepted as normal but to be celebrated
as something toward which to aspire. What does the word of God say about pride? This article appeared in the June 2005 edition of Such Were Some Of You, my online magazine. All scriptures, unless otherwise
indicated, are from the English Standard Version (ESV).
“Let the lying lips be mute, which speak insolently against the righteous
in pride and contempt.”
- Psalm 31:18 -
“Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit
before a fall.”
- Proverbs 16:18 -
“One's pride will bring him low, but he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honor.”
- Proverbs 29:23 -
“We’re here, we’re queer: get
used to it!” So, the defiant mantra is chanted. For the last several decades, homosexuals
have fought a well-fought battle to be recognized as a people entitled to equal, if not special, rights. They
have successfully gotten homosexual attraction removed from the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical
Manual — the Bible of psychiatrists, psychologists and other mental health “professionals” — and, thus, it was officially
declared to no longer be a mental disorder. They have won in more than a dozen American
states, and several nations, inclusion in the list of protected classes of citizens — as if they were somehow a gender, ethnicity
or religion — and have won the legalization of their chosen lifestyles. Public schools now have chapters
of The Gay-Straight Alliance, whose purpose is not merely to foster tolerance toward homosexuals but to get to schools the
agenda of their parent organization, the Gay-Lesbian-Straight Education Network (GLSEN). Homosexual lifestyles
are routinely brought into the homes of television viewers as more and more programs portray them in not merely a positive
light but in a celebratory light as Hollywood
forcefully communicates their message that society just can’t survive without them. Flamboyant, effeminate,
homosexual men tell renters and homeowners how to decorate and tell normal heterosexual men how to perform hygiene, how to
dress, how to organize their living spaces — as if heterosexual men need to be taught the wisdom of homosexuals in order to
please the women in their lives. Meanwhile, they work at a fevered pace to redefine the very definitions
of gender, marriage and family — the implementation of legalized homosexual marriage in Massachusetts
last year being a much-publicized example. A judge
in New York State has indicated at least a leaning toward legislating gay marriage. Every June, homosexuals publicly celebrate their defiant victories over
nature and normalcy as they march in the streets — many of them dressed in a manner that is designed to bring attention to
the very thing for which they have often complained about being stereotyped: sexual perversion. I don’t
need to describe these here because many of you, when you were steeped in your own homosexual lifestyles, participated in
these events referred to as Gay Pride Parades; and there are plenty of pictures of these events in literature and videos,
and on websites, produced by organizations such as the Christian Coalition, the Traditional Values Coalition,
Concerned Women For America, Focus on the Family, etc.
I’ve marched in some of those Gay Pride Parades; though
as the pastor of a gay Pentecostal church I dressed in a much more conservative manner than the common flamboyant and/or indecent
attire. Not that all who march in these parades dress flamboyantly or indecently — many dress in the casual
summer attire that is worn by most Americans — but it’s the flamboyant and indecent attire that gets one noticed by onlookers,
the media and, of course, the Christian America cult. The attire, the floats, the banners, the signs, the
chants, the lewd behavior, all served one overarching purpose: to publicly flaunt and celebrate pride in being homosexual
or, in the case of heterosexuals who participated, pride in the friends or family members who are homosexual.
Yet, these Gay Pride Parades and other events held every June are not much different than the various ethnic celebrations
held throughout the year here in America.
In Buffalo, New York,
where I live, we have an Italian Festival, a Hellenic Festival, a Polish Festival, and various other ethnic festivals.
We’re also one of a small number of American cities where the African-American Juneteenth Festival is celebrated —
all of them designed for one purpose: to show pride in one’s "identity." While one doesn’t choose one’s
ethnic origin, one does choose to adopt a homosexual identity, which is part of the sin of embracing and acting on the same-sex
attraction caused during childhood; and I guess that’s the only real difference between Gay Pride Month and various ethnic
festivals. All of them have the same thing in common: pride.
Whenever the Bible mentions human pride, it always does
so in the context of sin. Pride is a sin — whether in the form of ethnic pride or gay pride or religious
pride or pride in one’s accomplishments or pride in one’s possessions or pride in others, or that great mantra of psychology
“self-esteem.” During Gay Pride Month in particular, homosexuals “speak insolently against the righteous
in pride and contempt” (Psalm 31:8) as they rail against the gospel and the message of hope, forgiveness and change for
the homosexual. Pride is one of those words, like love, that we seem to just throw around indiscriminately,
assuming that everyone knows exactly what we mean when we use it. A form of pride is included by King Solomon
in a list often called “the seven deadly sins” (though the traditional seven are not all on the scriptural list; the traditional
seven being pride, lust, envy, sloth, anger, vanity, and greed). King Solomon said in Proverbs 6:16-19
(KJV), “These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: A proud look, a lying tongue, and
hands that shed innocent blood, An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, A false
witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.” But what is pride?
There are several definitions but the one we’re using in the context of this article is the one that says pride is
an unduly high opinion of one’s own qualities or merits. Paul expressed it well when he warned in Romans
12:3, “For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think,
but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.” In
Galatians 6:3 Paul tells us, “For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself.”
These are the very essence of pride and pride is a sin older than Creation itself. Lucifer’s sin,
the one that got him and a third of the angels cast out of Heaven, was pride. Here’s what God said about
Lucifer in Isaiah 14:13-14, “You said in your heart, ‘I will ascend to heaven; above the stars of God I will set my throne
on high; I will sit on the mount of assembly in the far reaches of the north; I will ascend above the heights of the clouds;
I will make myself like the Most High.’” The opposite of pride is humility or, as it is expressed in
various scriptures, being lowly in spirit or of a contrite spirit. King Solomon warned in Proverbs 16:18,
“Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” He warned in Proverbs 29:23,
“One's pride will bring him low, but he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honor.” It’s a Biblical
axiom that whenever God tells us not to do something He always gives us something to do in its place. He
has declared pride to be a sin and has commanded us instead to be humble. Pride, in part, is an attempt
to get others to take notice of us. Do you want to know how to get God to take notice of you?
The people in Shinar tried to do
it by building a tower that would reach far into the sky. God destroyed that tower, caused the people to
speak different languages, called the place Babel, and thereby
forced the people to obey His prior command to repopulate the whole Earth. You can’t get God’s attention
by doing things your way. God tells us how to get His attention in Isaiah 66:2, “All these things my
hand has made, and so all these things came to be, declares the Lord. But this is the one to whom I will
look: he who is humble and contrite in spirit and trembles at my word.” God takes notice of those who
are humble and contrite in spirit, and who tremble at His word.
Let us not congratulate ourselves or pat
ourselves on the back for having left our homosexual lifestyles as if our present healing and victory are things that we have
achieved on our own. Let us instead give praise and thanks to our Lord Jesus Christ for all that He has
done, and continues to do, in us — knowing that it is, as 16th century English evangelist John Bradford acknowledged,
“there but for the grace of God go I.” The prophet Jeremiah said in Lamentations 3:22-23 (KJV), “It
is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every
morning: great is thy faithfulness.” Jesus said in John 15:16, “You did not choose me, but I chose
you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father
in my name, he may give it to you.” We’re also told concerning salvation in Matthew 19:26, “But
Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.’” Just
as God was merciful to each of us in granting us salvation, so also we must show mercy to those still steeped in homosexual
lifestyles. That doesn’t mean we have to accept their chosen lifestyles as natural, normal and God-given
but it does mean we have to show them the love of Christ as we reach them with the gospel. It also means
that we must be merciful to them over their homosexual attraction that they didn’t choose, as well as over the things in their
lives that caused them to develop that attraction, which Paul refers to in Romans 1:26 as “dishonorable passions."
Because the wrath of God toward sinners (whether liars, homosexuals, adulterers, fornicators, murderers, gossips, or any other
kind of sinner) is very great and the eternal punishment in the lake of fire very real, we should be terrified at the very
thought of even one soul having to face God's wrath and bear the eternal punishment that we all so rightly deserve.
Oh, that it might strike terror in our hearts and give us the kind of urgency one feels when saving someone from immediate
danger! May it cause us to, as the old hymn says, "snatch them in pity from sin and the grave."
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I was born on October 25, 1963 in Niagara Falls, New York
(yes, THE Niagara Falls). My parents were never married and I spent the first 11 years of my life living in the single parent
home of my mother with four siblings (my mom had five children from three different men, to whom she was never married). If
you've ever heard of kids in single parent families on Welfare (public assistance) running the streets unsupervised, well,
I was one of those kids. I knew my dad and did spend some time with him over the years - often in bars. My mom died when I
was 11 (she was 41) of a heart attack (she had heart problems since childhood). The five of us kids were split up and I went
to live with my half-sister Muriel (one of my father's kids from the first of his two marriages; he claimed to have fathered
23 kids but we can only account for 13 and there's another four we're not sure of). After a few, rather tumultuous months,
we got into a big argument and, a phone call and about an hour later, I was on my way to live with my dad's cousin, who later
became my adoptive mother. I came to Christ at age 13 through the ministry of Pat Robertson's 700 Club. I graduated from high
school in 1981 and joined the Navy, where I served for 11 years. While in the Navy, I walked away from the Lord and was even
an atheist and secular humanist for a time. In 1988, I married a friend of my adoptive sister Dollie (Rheta Charlene [Osborn]
Rose). In September 1990, we had our daughter Amanda. A couple of months later, I left aboard USS Jason (AR-8) as part of
Operation Desert Shield and, later, the Gulf War (the ship spent the war in Bahrain where we repaired numerous ships, including
the Princeton and the Tripoli that had struck mines in the Gulf). After the Gulf War, I converted to Roman Catholicism (my
then wife's faith) after having corresponded during the war with a Jesuit monk. I left the Navy in July 1992, taking advantage
of the Navy's downsizing, to return my family home to Western New York State. In November 1992, I ended my marriage. In 1993,
I began to act on a homosexuality that I had been fighting since childhood. After a couple of years in a promiscuous homosexual
lifestyle, during which I was involved with the Unitarian Universalist Church, I returned to Christ in 1995 through the ministry
of the gay Pentecostal denomination the National Gay Pentecostal Alliance. After completing its Bible School, I was ordained
and I started a church in Niagara Falls. Throughout that time, I had prayed the old hymn I Surrender All and supplemented
it by telling the Lord that He could do whatever He wanted with my homosexual orientation - change it, take it away, whatever.
I closed the church in March 2000 to serve the denomination in teaching ministry. In August 2001, I began to look at the claims
of ex-gay ministries and, in September 2001, I surrendered my ministerial credentials, left the denomination, and began to
participate in the Exodus-affiliated ex-gay ministry All In His Name Ministries in Buffalo, New York, where I am now the co-director.
In the church that houses that ministry, I also serve as a Bible teacher under my pastor and elders. For more of my story,
read my first book, Pure As He Is Pure: My Struggle With Homosexuality (2001, 1st Books Library). There's a link to the publisher's
page for the book on the links page.
Contrary to popular opinion, I actually do have interests. Being one who suffers
from extreme intelligence (my membership in Mensa and a couple of dollars will get me a cup of coffee at Starbucks), and one
who has an extremely analytical nature, I enjoy study and intellectual exercise for their own sake. Yes, I realize that there
are a lot of Christians who seem to think it's a sin to be intelligent but, unlike sin, I didn't choose to have an IQ in the
top two percent of the population and I didn't do anything to cause its existence in my life. It is, however, part of me and,
so, I make good use of it. In the light of eternity, however, it means absolutely nothing (and eternity's light is the only
light that matters). Anyway, I enjoy study and intellecual exercise for their own sake and I often find myself taking a particular
topic and just running with it as far as the journey will take me - especially if the topic happens to be related to theology.
Although I am not inclined to socialize with others, once I'm reluctantly brought into them I do occasionally enjoy
briefly participating in social activities such as the time of fellowship after church (that came into being as a result of
my suggesting it to one of the elders: be careful what you wish for, you just might get it), having conversations with my
co-workers, participating in online forums, and - especially - spending time with my daughter. Otherwise, I value and intensely
enjoy my solitude and find it strange that people would think such an intentionally solitary existence would cause them to
feel lonely (a feeling I've heard others describe but that I have never experienced myself).
I enjoy activities that
I can do alone. Besides my voracious appetite for study, I collect (and sometimes read) books published in the 1800s. I enjoy
antiques and browsing in antique stores. The only sport in which I am even remotely interested is outdoor soccer (indoor soccer
is too much like ice hockey for my tastes). I enjoy architecture, especially Victorian and Art Deco and I very much appreciate
the wonderful architecture here in Buffalo, New York where I live, particularly in my neighborhood (I live in a former hotel
turned apartment building that was built in the 1920s). Ever since I was a child, I've often found myself re-designing in
my mind the interiors of whatever building I happen to be in. I like to read. Though I am usually reading non-fiction Christian
books (particularly if they're the deeply theological works of 17th-19th century theologians), I love to lose myself in some
works of fiction - particularly the works of Robert Louis Stevenson, Jack London, Stephen W. Meader's Red Horse Hill, and
John Bunyan's allegories. While I like in movies and television the action, science fiction and drama genres, I require a
good story line that I can analyze while I'm watching and listening. I also enjoy listening to music and have a wide range
of musical tastes. It might seem rather strange for someone who grew up in Western New York State to have as his favorite
music Christian bluegrass and Southern gospel - especially the old Pentecostal hymns. Yet, I am just such a person. I also
listen to other kinds of music: the Latin romance of Luis Miguel (he is to Mexico what Frank Sinatra was to America); the
folk music of Gordon Lightfoot; the country music of Willie Nelson, Loretta Lynn, Dolly Parton, Johnny Cash, and the like;
the modern Christian music of Vicki Yohe (whose father, the late evangelist Jim Yohe, had a role in my coming out of homosexuality)
and Caedmon's Call; the music of the late Keith Green and of some of the late 70s popular Christiam music artists/groups such
as Second Chapter of Acts, Maranatha Singers, Nancy Honeytree, Barry McGuire, Phil Keaggy, etc.; the traditional Cape Breton
and rather punk-alternative fiddle playing of Ashley MacIsaac; a fiddle playing group of women called Bond; a group of Chinese
girls playing traditional instruments in a band called Twelve Girls Band; and even some U2 and REM; I've also been known to
listen to classical and new age music.
Having traveled extensively while I was in the Navy, I have a fondness for
certain places - especially Singapore. It's wondrous modern architecture mixed with some of the Victorian-like style reminiscent
of a former crown colony, its litter-free streets and sidewalks, and its beautiful parks and gardens, make Singapore much
like a paradise. Yet, what I liked about my travels was not just some of the places but the people as well. Because I became
so enamored with Singapore and its Victorian/Confucianist culture, I nearly emigrated there in the mid-1980s. Even today,
having been out of the Navy for more than 12 years, I have fond memories of many of my experiences in Singapore, Japan, Hong
Kong, South Korea, the Philippines, Thailand, Malaysia, Indoneisa, Australia, Bahrain, and even the tiny, somewhat foot-shaped
place in the Indian Ocean called Diego Garcia. The only places I didn't like were Hawaii and Pakistan (though I pray for the
preaching of the gospel in Pakistan and India daily). Often when I was in a particular port, I would go out alone and intentionally
get myself lost; though, I wasn't really lost because I have a good sense of direction and have always easily found my way
back to the ship without assistance. It allowed me, however, to see and experience what a place and people were really like
outside of the tourist traps and the places where sailors frequented. I think I will treasure these experiences for the rest
of my life here on Earth.
I have come to appreciate the Appalachian Mountain culture of my father and his ancestors
and find that I've adopted many of their values and have learned to prepare and enjoy some of their foods (especially pinto
beans, greens, and sausage gravy; though not together).
In the working environment, I'm quite content when someone
just gives me my work, sticks me off in a corner somewhere, goes away, and leaves me alone: I'll ask questions if I have them
and, when I'm finished, I'll make those who need to know aware of it. My secular employment involves writing the legally defensible
decisions of administrative law judges. While there is no such thing as the perfect job, this is about as close to perfect
for me as a job can get. The judge hears the evidence at the hearing and makes his or her decision. I then analyze the evidence
and testimony and make the written argument showing how they support the judge's decision. It's a position that I worked my
way up into from the bottom rung of the ladder. Thus, formal post-secondary education doesn't particularly impress me as I
value those who prove themselves to have competence and expertise. In the jobs I've held since I became an adult (I joined
the Navy right after high school and, shortly after 11 years in the Navy, I started working with administrative law judges),
I've always made it a point to become a technical expert in my field.
I mentioned that I enjoy spending time with
my daughter. Well, my getting married was a gross error in judgment and I had no business being in that marriage. I entered
into that marriage mainly to learn how to let myself experience emotion after having shut them down by the time I was 10 years
old (the woman I married was very emotionally expressive and the way I learn things best is by immersing myself and doing
them). The other reason for the marriage was because I wrongly thought it would "cure" me of my homosexual attraction. While
I did learn how to express emotion again, I was losing the ability to control them and, so, after almost five years I ended
the marriage. Our daughter was two years old at the time. After about a year of counseling and some techniques I developed
on my own (techniques that mainly involved letting myself be emotionally affected by music), I learned how to experience and
express emotions in a controlled, measured way that was healthy. However, ending the marriage meant becoming a non-custodial
parent (for all the problems my ex and I had, she was clearly the better parent and, so, I felt that she should have custody).
My daughter and I, however, have our own relationship that we've developed over the years and she has become a very important
part of my life. At least in part because of that relationship, she has grown to become a mature, self-assured young lady;
though I often struggle with one particular consequence of that: many times when we're out together people mistake this 14
year-old for being a college student. One time recently, we ran into one of my co-workers (an attorney) in a local mall and
she commented to me at work one day the following week that my daughter impressed her as very "self-possessed" (meaning that
she was mature, self-assured and self-aware) - and that from an encounter that lasted less than two minutes! My daughter has
an interesting combination consisting of much of my intelligence, analytical nature and calm reticence, and some of her mother's
outgoing and emotionally expressive personality.
I am presently single and am quite content being that way, thank
you very much. I'm not looking for anyone and am decidedly not interested in "hooking up" with anyone. There are those very
few of us (maybe not so few) who have chosen singleness (and celibacy) as a way of life: I'm one of them.
As I look
back over my life, I see in abundance the grace and mercy of God woven throughout. It's clear to me that I didn't get where
I am through my own effort, even though there was a lot of effort involved. It's like a puzzle: while the things I have done
have been some of the pieces in the corners and along the outer edge, it's the pieces that show the picture in the puzzle
(covering the vast majority of the whole) that have been filled in by the grace and mercy of God. Jesus said that without
Him we could do nothing and I want to tell you that I have first hand experience with that truth. Even the things that I have
been able to do to overcome a rather chaotic and traumatic childhood have been miraculously given to me by the Savior. The
old hymn rings oh so wonderfully true for me: "Amazing grace! How sweet the sound! That saved a wretch like me. I once was
lost but now am found; was blind but now I see."
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The "Snow" in Buffalo
Whenever
I tell people I live in Buffalo, New York, the first thing they mention is all the snow they seem to think we get. Actually,
Buffalo does not rank the highest in snowfall in New York State. Syracuse beats us with about 108 inches for the annual snowfall,
opposed to Buffalo at around 93 inches; and on the average Rochester (New York, not Minnesota) has just as much snowfall as,
if not more than, Buffalo. Though Buffalo gets some fairly heavy duty storms, because of the lake effects of Lake Erie a few
times during the winter months (like the great blizzard of 1977 that gave us our snowy reputation, the three feet overnight
we got in 1995, the November 22, 2000 storm that took us rather by surprise, and the more than seven feet of snow we got over
in the three days around Christmas in 2001), the winters are not as bad as rumors lead people to believe. Besides, as the
"City of Good Neighbors", when we do out rank our neighbors, we get the opportunity to show what a great sense of humor we
have by sending snow-filled trucks to cities that need snow for their winterfests.
"Before you can give the gospel, you need to
be the gospel."
- Unknown -
MY TESTIMONY
This testimony was given as part of the
monthly Missions Sunday for March 2004, which was dedicated to my home church’s ministry to homosexuals, All In His
Name Ministries. The text was modified slightly for publication.
“He brought me up also out of an horrible
pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings.”
— Psalm 40:2 (KJV)
—
The old Isaac Watts hymn asks, “Alas, and did my Savior bleed? And did my Sov’reign die? Would
He devote that sacred head, for such a worm as I?” My testimony is that my Savior most certainly did bleed. He most
certainly did die, devoting that sacred head for such a worm as I. The power in the blood that He bled gives us victory, victory
in Jesus. I’m sure at least most of you have heard the old, old story of how a Savior came from glory. I’m sure
at least most you have heard how He gave His life on Calvary to save a wretch like me. I’m sure at least most of you
have heard about His groaning and of His precious blood’s atoning. I’m here to testify that I repented of my sins
and won the victory — victory in Jesus.
When a lot of Christians give their testimonies, they tend to focus
on all the wicked things they did before they came to Christ. It’s really sad that we tend to respond more to those
testimonies that give us all the gory details of what the person did out in the world. Well, I’m not here to glorify
the deeds of my flesh and I’m not here to glorify Satan; so, I’m not going to get into gory details about my life
before Christ. You can read about a lot of that in my first book, Pure As He Is Pure: My Struggle With Homosexuality. The
title is based on 1 John 3:3, which tells us, “And every man that hath this hope in Him purifieth himself, even as He
is pure.” You can get it from Amazon.com and some of the other big-name online bookstores, or directly from the publisher,
1st Books Library. Any profits I make from the book go to All In His Name Ministries. Even in the book, while I do go into
a lot of detail, I don’t go into much of the kind of detail that you hear in many of those testimonies Christians tend
to celebrate — people who have been street gang members or murderers or into all kinds of extreme promiscuity, and who
go into grotesque detail about all the evil things they did.
Sure, I can go into the gory details. I can tell you
about an emotionally sensitive little boy who was described as tenderhearted but who never once heard the words “I love
you” or ever received any expressions of affection. I can tell you about a little boy who received very little in the
way of supervision, who spent a lot of his time running the streets until all hours of the night, and who was often left to
his own devices. I can tell you about a little boy who lived in a home where the only two rules in the house were to go to
school every day it was in session and to take a bath once a week. I can tell you about a little boy who got well above average
grades in school without putting any effort into it. I can tell you about a little boy who received first his sex education
at a young age watching pornography on what one Canadian television station called “The Baby Blue Movies” late
on Friday nights. I can tell you about a little boy who quite willingly engaged in sexual experimentation with other boys
well before puberty kicked in. I can tell you about a little boy who by the age of 10 shut down so much of his ability to
feel that he could only express the most superficial of emotions — a little boy who at 11 years old was so cold and
heartless that when he woke up one July morning and saw his mother lying half-naked on the floor of the bathroom from his
bed in the upstairs hall, all he did was go back to sleep; a little boy who, when his younger brother ran from their mother’s
bedroom a while later yelling “Mom’s dead!” had to be told by the voice of human thought, “Okay, when
someone dies you’re supposed to cry;” a little boy who pretended to cry but felt nothing. I can tell you about
an 11 year-old boy who, as puberty kicked in, began to be sexually attracted to other boys instead of girls.
Instead,
I want to tell you about a young 13 year-old boy who, one December night after winning the battle of getting a hyperactive
five year-old nephew to bed, was changing channels and stopped at a talk show he would soon learn was called The 700 Club.
That boy used to love talk shows and was a whole lot better able to follow what was being talked about than the vast majority
of boys his age. As he sat and watched the program, God was working on his heart and was starting to change it from a heart
of stone to a heart of flesh. That boy knelt in front of the television to pray with Pat Robertson to receive salvation. As
he finished praying, the tears flowed like Niagara Falls. This was the first time that boy genuinely cried in more than three
years — but these weren’t tears of sorrow; rather, they were tears of joy. He found a Bible lying around the house
and he started reading it. Nearly every spare moment he had, he spent it reading that Bible. About a year later, in early
November, he was again watching The 700 Club and prayed to receive the Holy Spirit. God had poured out His Spirit and the
young teenager began speaking in tongues as the Spirit gave him utterance. Not long afterward, that young teenager started
attending an Assembly of God church that was in walking distance from where he lived. After a short time, not getting much
out of the teen Sunday School class, he began to attend the adult Sunday School class and was fully able to participate in
that class led by his pastor. He also participated in the Wednesday night youth group. In the summer of 1979, he was the youngest
member of an evangelistic team that traveled to Quebec and New Brunswick to spread the gospel — the team was an organization
called Gaspé Mission or, in the French, Missión Gaspésie. He went the following summer as well.
Despite all that the
Lord had done in his life, that teenager wasn’t known for genuine emotion, except when he was lost in praising and worshiping
God. Throughout all that time, that teenager struggled silently with homosexual attraction. He understood from what his pastor
was preaching and from the things Anita Bryant was saying during her anti-homosexual crusades that homosexuality was a great
evil. He was terrified of the prospect of actually saying anything to anyone about it and, so, he would pray and he would
beg and plead with the Lord to take that homosexual attraction away — the tears flowing freely. But, the Lord did not
take the attraction away and that teenager continued to struggle alone in silence and secrecy.
There’s a lot
more that I can tell but you can read about most of it in my first book. It details how while in the Navy I walked away from
the Lord for over 10 years and was even an atheist and secular humanist for part of that time. It also gives a lot of the
details about my ongoing struggle with homosexual attraction. But let me talk about how the Lord brought me back to Himself
— and it was clearly His doing and not mine, since no one can come to God unless God draws him. In early 1995, having
been steeped in a promiscuous homosexual lifestyle after ending my marriage almost three years earlier, I was reading one
of those feel-good-about-being-gay books. There was a chapter on spirituality followed by a list of gay denominations and
other religious organizations. There it was. I couldn’t believe my eyes! A gay Pentecostal denomination! Something in
me was telling me that I sorely missed having the Holy Spirit of God dwelling in me. So, after corresponding with the presbyter
of that denomination, I learned that this was a Pentecostal denomination, most of whose members had left the United Pentecostal
Church and other Pentecostal denominations in order to embrace their homosexuality. Except for the United Pentecostal Church’s
legalisms such as women can’t wear pants, makeup or jewelry or cut their hair, men can’t wear facial hair and
had to keep their hair cut short, members can’t own a television or participate in worldly entertainment or go swimming
with the opposite sex, except for those legalisms this gay Pentecostal denomination was identical in beliefs and style of
worship as other Pentecostal denominations. After a few months of corresponding back and forth about doctrine and being able
to return to Christ while still holding onto my homosexuality, I returned to Christ and was again filled with the Holy Spirit.
A few weeks later, I went to the denomination’s national conference in Little Rock, Arkansas where I was baptized in
the hotel swimming pool and where I had first learned the hymn I Surrender All. Concerning homosexuality, what that denomination
taught was that if you were not in a same-sex marriage you were to remain celibate and, so, I for the most part remained celibate
(physically celibate anyway, my brain was still extremely active as I found myself playing out sexual activity just as quickly
as I saw some man I might have found attractive). After completing the denomination’s Bible school requirements, I was
ordained and started a church in Niagara Falls. I pastored that church for almost four years, after which I served the denomination
primarily in teaching ministry. Throughout all that time, since I first learned the hymn I Surrender All, I would pray the
hymn: “All to Jesus I surrender, all to Him I freely give.” I also told the Lord that He could do anything He
wanted with every part of me — including my homosexual attraction. About that attraction, I told the Lord he could take
it away, change it, or whatever He wanted to do: so long as I could be whatever He wanted me to be.
In August 2001,
the Lord told me to start examining the claims of ex-gay ministries for myself. So, I examined those claims carefully. As
I examined those claims, the Lord and I would have conversations about what I was learning — prayer, after all, is a
two-way conversation between the Christian and God and not a one-way monologue from the Christian to God. He showed me a number
of things, and I later detailed those in my first book. He was also beginning to deliver me from bondage to what I call “mental
lechery,” defined as extreme sexual promiscuity occurring in one’s thoughts. He was also beginning to heal me
of my homosexual attraction. In late September 2001, after a conversation with the pastor here, I surrendered my ministerial
credentials and left the gay Pentecostal denomination in which I had served for the previous five years. Soon after, I started
coming to New Life Assembly to participate in All In His Name Ministries. The Lord brought me out of the horrible pit and
miry clay of homosexuality as I surrendered to the Lord so that He could, as the old hymn says, “Take my life and let
it be, consecrated Lord to Thee.” I was able to say, with the song we sometimes sing here, “Yes, Lord, Yes, Lord,
Yes, Yes, Lord. Amen.”
Let me say this about my former gay Pentecostal denomination. I believe the Lord does
bring people to salvation even in a gay Pentecostal denomination that preaches and teaches the same salvation message that
other evangelical denominations preach and teach. I believe that the Lord fills such people with His Holy Spirit and even
uses them in various ways. There’s a common misconception that, as soon as someone receives salvation, the Lord immediately
heals and delivers everyone from whatever has been in their lives. While He does sometimes do this, most of us have to get
our healing and victory a little each day as we continue on in the Biblical process of sanctification. I believe the people
who were involved in my former denomination genuinely love the Lord and genuinely want to be pleasing to Him. However, they
have been deceived into believing that they can hold on to their homosexuality and the Bible is clear that such people will
not inherit the kingdom of God, referring to God’s heavenly kingdom, as long as they continue to hold onto their homosexuality.
They genuinely want what the Lord wants for them but Satan has caused them to become blind and deaf when it comes to homosexuality.
There are a lot of homosexuals who genuinely want a relationship with God but who have been deceived by the lie of gay theology
that says they can serve God and still live a homosexual lifestyle. Again, however, the scripture is clear that they will
not inherit the kingdom of God. I’ll go even further and say that no one who refuses to forsake the things in their
lives that are not of God — regardless of whether they’re heterosexual or homosexual — will inherit the
kingdom of God. In our lives, if Jesus is not Lord of all then He is not Lord at all.
Since leaving my homosexual
lifestyle behind — a homosexual lifestyle being defined as a lifestyle that involves embracing and acting on one’s
homosexual attraction — the Lord has continued to work in my life in different areas. He has taken away nearly all of
my same-sex attraction — to the point where I no longer find myself lusting after other males that I see. While I am
capable of genuine emotion, something I had to work at to restore in my life, I am not easily affected by things and I find
myself unable to be moved with compassion; but the Lord is working in that area as well.
In August 2003, our own pastor
spoke on behalf of All In His Name Ministries at Kingdom Bound (an annual Christian event that takes place at Six Flags Darien
Lake in Darien, New York around the first week of August) about applying the sanctification process to ex-gay ministry. That
message led me to write my second book*. With the pastor’s permission, I used and expanded his notes from that message;
I also expanded a couple of the chapters in my first book, to specifically apply the Biblical sanctification process to gaining
and maintaining victory over homosexual sin. The Lord had shown me as I was examining the claims of ex-gay ministries, that
the only way real healing of homosexual attraction and real victory over homosexual sin can come about is not through reparative
therapy or other psychological methodologies but, rather, through the Biblical process of sanctification. As Mike Haley, the
manager of Focus on the Family’s Gender Issues Department, said when he was here last August for the pastors’
breakfast that was a precursor to the September 2003 Love Won Out Conference in Toronto, “The opposite of homosexuality
is not heterosexuality, it’s holiness”: “without which,” Hebrews 12:14 warns us, “no man shall
see the Lord.”
It is as we, according to the old hymn, “trust and obey” that we experience the healing
of those things in our lives that need healing and deliverance from the things to which we’re enslaved — even
if the Lord spends the rest of our lives here in this earthly vale of tears doing it: by the time we go home to Heaven, we
will be healed and we will be delivered. It is as we “trust and obey” that we gain and maintain victory over sin
— “for there is no other way.” This is how we come to be counted among those of whom Paul said in 1 Corinthians
6:11, “such were some of you.” This is how we, as Jesus said, “endure unto the end” and “overcome.”
I encourage each of you to go to the Lord and acknowledge according to the old hymn, “I need Thee every hour,
most gracious Lord” and to pray the words of the old hymn that serves as my testimony, “All to Jesus I surrender,
all to Him I freely give.”
*My second book, Such Were Some Of You: Gaining And Maintaining Victory Over Homosexual
Sin came out at the end of July 2004. Go to the links page for the link to the publisher's information.
WHILE WALKING ONE SATURDAY IN APRIL...
I was out walking one Saturday in April 2005 - one of the
first nice days we had in April (it got up into the 60s) - and I had my JamCam digital camera with me. So, here are
pictures that I took along the way.
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| The Market Arcade |
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| The Gold Dome Building |
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| The Electric Building |
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| The Buffalo Christian Center |
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| Buffalo Christian Center's Forbes Theater |
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| A building sandwich: sandwiched between two buildings more than twice its height. |
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"He brought me up also out of an
horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. And he hath put a new song
in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the Lord."
- Psalm 40:2-3 (KJV) -
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