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Sunday, January 21, 2007
The Christian Life and the Necessity of Forgiveness
Many years ago, while I was serving
as a Missionary in Uruguay, there was a sister from the local church in one of our areas who was
kind enough to do our laundry for us. We tried to tell her it wasn't necessary and we could do it on our own, but she
insisted. She took such meticulous care in performing the task for us that we felt spoiled in the treatment
we received. She would iron everything (and I mean everything), and then deliver a perfectly ironed
and folded stack of laundry to us each week. It must have taken her hours of extra effort and she had a large family. One
day, when we visited with her, I said “Sister, you don’t have to go to all that trouble. It’s really not necessary to iron
everything like that.” She looked me straight in the eye and with characteristic directness said, “Elder, I’m not doing it
for you.” It was then that I realized that she was living a principle which I was recently reminded of as I read
Paul's epistle to the Colossians. Wrote Paul, "And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily as to the Lord and not unto Men."
(Colossians 3: 23). When this sister peformed this service, she wasn't doing it for us. She saw it as the Lord’s
laundry and she treated it accordingly. Had she seen it as just a pile of dirty clothes accumulated by a couple of nineteen-
and twenty-something-year-olds, I'm sure the clothes would have been clean, but perhaps not treated with such care. We
were merely the lucky benificiaries of this woman's offering to the Lord.
Each and every day we have the
chance to live this principle ourselves. And in surprisingly small and simple ways. For instance, consider how much more content
we would be in the mundane chores of life if we were doing it for the Lord and not just because we had to get it done.. Taking
out the trash, cleaning up the house, driving to work, finishing a project that needs completing, shoveling snow...
All of these kinds of tasks can
take on new meaning when we have a spiritual purpose in mind. When we are doing something as an offering to the Lord, there
are special touches we will add that we would otherwise ignore. Perhaps we'll make sure the garbage collector won't have to
deal with a torn garbage bag, or perhaps we'll decide to shovel the front walk a bit more carefully for the elderly man in
our neighborhood who likes to walk every day. In the end it really blesses our own lives. Just as my missionary companion
and I benefitted from the care of that special sister in Uruguay, so are lives improved when we take special care
in what we do, however menial it may seem, and do it as if we are doing it for the Lord.
Martin Luther King Jr. wrote,
If a man is called to be a streetsweeper, he should sweep
streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so
well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great streetsweeper who did his job well.
Each of us, no matter what our
lot in life, has the opportunity (and responsibility) to take what God has given us and make something beautiful
of it for the benefit of human kind. The phrase "I'm only a...." has no place in the vocabulary of God. We were made to participate
in his plan for His children and to give him glory. No matter how unimportant we may think we are, He has a special mission
for us in this life. He has declared, "...behold, this is my work and my glory - to bring to pass the immortality and
eternal life of man" (Moses 1: 39), and elsewhere he tells us we should be "...anxiously engaged in a good cause, and
do many things of [our] own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness" (D&C 58: 27). Lest we feel this challenge too daunting to handle, he reminds us: "And if it
so be that you should labor all your days in crying repentance unto this people, and bring save it be one soul unto me,
how great shall be your joy with him in the kingdom of my Father!" (D&C 18: 15 )
In the parable of the sheep and
the goats, the Lord told the sheep (those who had served him well):
Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation
of the world:
For I was an hungered and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, ye gave me drink: I was a
stranger and ye took me in:
Naked and ye clothed me: I was sick and ye visited me: I was in prison and ye came
unto me.
Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we the an hungered and
fed thee? or thirsty and gave thee drink?
When saw we thee a stranger and took thee in? or naked and clothed thee?
Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?
And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye
have done it unto the least of these my bretheren, ye have done it unto me. (Matthew 25:34-40)
This perspective is, I believe, at the heart of the Christian life. When
we see in those whom we meet in our walks of life an image of the Savior standing before us, we are less inclined
to judge, more inclined to show mercy; and more willing to offer of ourselves in filling the needs (great or small) we see
all around us in our daily lives. Perhaps this is why we are reminded so often in scripture to forgive those who tresspass
against us even as we would be forgiven, and to remember how merciful the Lord has been with us when we are inclined to be
unkind to others.
Psalms 145:8 reminds us "The LORD is gracious, and full of compassion; slow to
anger and of great mercy", and Doctrine and Covenants section 76, verse 5 declares "...I, the Lord, am merciful and gracious
unto those who fear me, and delight to honor those who serve me in righteousness and in truth to the end." (D&C 76: 5). The Lord wants us to remember his mercy. He wants us to remember when we feel inclined to hate or belittle another, or
to hold a grudge over a perceived offense, just how much he has done for us. He wants us to remember his mercy toward us,
and we know most assuredly that "in the gift of his Son hath God prepared a more excellent way; and it is by faith that
it hath been fulfilled" (Ether 12: 11).
In Matthew chapter 18 the Lord gives us a the parable of a forgetful and unmerciful servant to drive this point home with us. In this parable a
certain servant of the king finds himself in a very dire predicament (beginning at verse 23). He owes the king the astounding
sum of 10,000 talents. James E. Talmage, in his book Jesus the Christ, points out that this amount today would be somewhere in the neighborhood of $9,250,000 (bear in mind Talmage was writing
many decades ago, so we can only add interest to his conversion). The servant begs the king for a pardon of this insurmountable
debt, and the king frankly forgives him. Having received forgiveness for his debt, we learn that the servant then "went out,
and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat,
saying, Pay me that thou
owest." (verse 28). When the man is unable to pay him the amount owed (the equivalent of about
$15.00 according to Talmage), the servant causes the young man to be thrown into jail. Hearing of this great paucity
of mercy on the part of his servant, the king asks: "Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even
as I had pity on thee?" (verse 33), and the servant is cast into prison. Jesus then concludes this parable with the admonition:
"So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses."
(verse 35)
Here we have Jesus pointing out a deliberately fierce dichotomy. The servant owing millions of dollars
represents each of us, for whom the Atonement of the Savior has paid a debt that was beyond any of us to pay ourselves. The
associate of the servant who owed the $15.00 payment represents all of those who purposefully or inadvertently step
our toes in life. And we are left to ask ourselves a question or two: Can we afford to be unmerciful with those who offend
us, when such a great debt had been paid for us by the Son of God? Can we trample on the mercy of God by deciding to hold
a grudge against another for offenses they commit against us (or at times offenses we percieve to be true that are not
so), when our offenses are so freely and frankly forgiven? The answer must be a firm and resounding "No."
I know of only one place in scripture where the Lord commands His people to do something that He is
not willing to do Himself. In D&C 64: 10, the Lord declares, "I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men."
Sounds like a tall order doesn't it? How can we possibly do something that the Lord won't do? What is
the Lord trying to teach us here? I believe He wants us to understand that His judgement is perfect and He is therefore capable
of delivering true justice. He understands the offender in ways that we could never possibly understand, including all of
the factors that led him or her to offend us. The other part of the message here is for our own benefit. The Lord understands
perfectly that, however grave the offense the other person has committed against us is, it is nothing compared to the damage
we do to our own souls by harboring resentments. Resentment is a terrible canker which, if left untreated, will turn us into
the very thing we resent - or worse. This is why the preceeding verse of the aforementioned scripture from D+C 64 reads: "...for
he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater
sin." Jesus Christ holds the key in healing that hurt and reversing the effects of the canker of resentment. At
times it may be difficult because the hurt runs deep and our hearts are pierced with thorns that are hard to
remove when someone offends us. But the mandate from the Lord is clear: We must lay these pains at His feet and ask our
Father in Heaven in the name of Jesus Christ, our advocate, friend and Savior, to help us forgive those who trespass
against us.
Many times in life, we may be offended by the actions or words of others. Sometimes we may be offended
by our own perception of a situation, only to discover later that our view of what occurred was not, in actuality what was
intended. Whatever the cause of offense we must remember that the resounding counsel of God on this matter is "forgive...,
forgive..., forgive.". When Peter asked the Lord if he should forgive his neighbor seven times, Jesus replied, "I say not
unto thee, until seven times: but, until seventy times seven." This did not mean that we only need to forgive someone
490 times and then we're done. Nor did it mean that we keep putting ourselves within harmful reach of a hurtful person.
We do have a right in our lives to avoid situations that would be spiritually, emotionally or physically damaging
to us. But even in those circumstances, the Lord's counsel applies. We must forgive others their trespasses. Forgiving
someone does not mean that we declare their actions to be acceptable when they are not. Nor does it mean we assent to being
treated with less dignity than a child of God deserves. It does mean, however, that we will seek to forgive all who offend
us, whether they ask it of us or not, and to lay our grief and pain at the feet of a Savior who loves us and wants to help
us bear that burden. We are to be especially merciful when the offender approaches us and asks our forgiveness, for that is
the Lord's way. Said he: "...As often as my people repent will I forgive them their trespasses against me."(Mosiah 26: 30)
I have always found the word trespasses interesting in the scriptures. It is the word used when the
Lord taught the principle of forgiveness in Matthew chapter 6:
"For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive
you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your father forgive your trespasses". The word "trespass" to
me indicates something more than sin. It is a blanket term that covers not only deliberate malicious action, but also
the unintentional flubs of life where we inadvertently hurt someone else. It connotes crossing a line that should not
be crossed for one reason or another.
Where there has been offense in our lives, the Gospel teaches us there must be quick and sincere repair
of the relationship. The Lord gives us this sage advice on how to resolve conflict in scriptures like: Matt. 5: 24, and D&C 42: 88. Whether someone offends us, or we offend someone else, we are to go to that person and seek
reconciliation. I would add that we should do it prayerfully so that the Lord can be involved in the healing. Sometimes in
that intimate setting, it will be easier to soothe unintended hurt and begin the process of binding up the broken heart. The
scripture in Matthew chapter 5 is particularly important because it teaches us to take care and resolve such offenses before
we try to serve the Lord in some other capacity or make an offering of any kind to him. It stands to reason then that
one cannot truly offer the Lord a sacrifice of a broken heart and a contrite spirit (3 Ne. 9: 20,D&C 56: 17-18,Ps. 34: 18,Ps. 51: 17) until one has forgiven the offenses that others have committed against him or asked forgiveness of those whom he has
offended.
All of us have been in the situation where we perceive an offense to be intentionally
committed when it was actually just the result of carelessness or lack of forethought on the part of the person who offended
us. All of us have also at times been guilty of unintentionally causing
someone else hurt. When forgiveness is not asked and received quickly in
these situations, this can cause wedges to be placed between people that are difficult to remove without a great
deal of humility on both sides of the conflict. If the offended party feels that the offense was committed intentionally,
the offender must realize that this will magnify the hurt that is felt, and the person they offended may feel resentful.
It does no one any good for the offender to say to him or herself, "Well that's just silly. He should know I didn't mean
that by it..." The important thing is that whatever our intended purpose in what we said or did, the actual message received
was upsetting. When someone is offended by what we have inadvertently done, we should be humble enough to recognize that,
although unintentional, our actions or words were hurtful, and we should seek reconciliation. In a complimentary
fashion, when we have been on the receiving end of offense, it is probably better in our initial conversation with those
who have offended us to assume that the hurt was unintentional. This will give the offending party an opportunity to
speak frankly and explain themselves and will hasten the healing.
Suffice it to say that while I sometimes fail in living these principles fully, when I
dig deep and forgive as I have been forgiven, and when I resolve to seek forgiveness quickly and honestly of those whom
I may have offended, I begin to see the world in a different light. I feel the healing peace of the Spirit
of God removing those thorns and briars from my soul and I begin to awaken to a greater happiness in my
life. I am led in these moments to see those who have offended me with an eye of mercy and understanding, and I
feel a genuine peace in setting any trespasses I may have committed right again. Reconciliation with those whom we have
estranged or who have estranged themselves from us is always a blessed experience when done in the way the Lord has taught
us.
When the Spirit is truly working on our hearts, we feel led in our prayers to "bless them that curse
[us], do good to them that hate [us], and pray for them that despitefully use [us] and persecute [us]" (Matt. 5: 44). When the one who as offended us is a friend or relative, we seek to rebuild
bridges that were broken, to mend bonds of kindness and fellowship that were once there. We demonstrate that our "faithfulness
is stronger than the cords of death"(D&C 121: 44), and that our love for them outweighs any hurt we may have felt to our pride. And, finally, and most importantly, when we
forgive, we leave the offense where it was and move on. We refuse to hold it over the person in the future, and, in so doing,
we demonstrate the attitude the Lord demonstrates in D&C 58: 42. When the Spirit is truly working on our hearts, if we have offended others, we go to them quickly and in humility.
We acknowledge our wrong and ask forgiveness. We remember that "God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power and
of love, and of a sound mind" (2 Tim. 1: 7). And we seek wherever possible reconciliation, leaving the rest in the hands of God.
Forgiveness is a glorious and eternal principle. It is enabled by the power of the Lord's Atonement.
Our Father in Heaven can forgive us and he will if we come to him with a truly contrite heart and a truly broken spirit. As
we seek to see the countenance of our Savior Jesus Christ in the faces of our brothers and sisters, and as we remember
that what we do to them we do to Him, our hearts will be more led to demonstrate that same mercy that He has demonstrated
to us. And we will "rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory"(1 Pet. 1: 8).
A final note:
One of the greatest stories of forgiveness I have ever heard came from the life of a German woman named
Corrie ten Boom. For Copyright reasons I cannot reprint the story here, but to read her story, click here. It is only a page long, but it is a story that totally changed my perspective on forgiveness when I heard it. It is
a very powerful, moving and worth-while read.
A final final note:
This talk by David A. Bednar on forgiveness and not being easily offended was a real eye opener for
me (I hope you enjoy it!):
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