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Three Poems
Recipe for a Super Villain
Before beginning, ambitious alchemist, you must design your supervillain
on paper. Define his or her appearance, style of dress and proportions. Include any accessories and weapons.
1 fluid
oz. cyanide (death dealing properties)
1 wooden mannequin of desired size (transubstantiation)
3 dead crows
(darkness, intelligence, scavenger)
2 pomegranates (possessiveness)
5 anarchy symbols (impossible schemes)
4 apples
(corruptibility)
0.666 drops grape Screwdriver (confusion)
8 pages Nietzche (loneliness, nihilist tendencies)
6 fist-sized
volcanic rocks (despair)
5 cups yellow paint (anger)
9 fl. oz. stem cells (life)
1 taped appropriately evil voice
1
design or drawing of your intended super villain
1 cup of rain water
1 piece of purple sidewalk chalk (dipped into rain
water and then dried)
3 black candles and matches
1 dark room, with no windows (where no one can interrupt you,
or else there are dastardly results)
1 cauldron (big enough with room for the mannequin to fit in)
1 tattered broom
or mop to stir your concoction with
Shall we begin?
Put your purple sidewalk chalk into the cup of rain water. Leave it
there for 4 hours, in a place where it will not be disturbed. When you come back to get it, dump out the rain water, and put
your chalk where it can dry without being disturbed, for 48 hours.
Find a dark room with no windows. Start this procedure
punctually at midnight.
Use the prepared chalk to draw a perfect circle, then draw a perfect cross in it: one line
intersecting another at a right angle. Arrange your black candles on the perimeter of this circle in an even triangle
(not isosceles or obtuse) and light them. Put your cauldron in the center of the cross.
Put your design on paper into
the bottom of the cauldron. Put the mannequin on it.
Pour in the yellow paint. Stuff in the three crows. Crumple the
pages of Nietzche and throw them in. Pour in the grape Screwdriver. And now the four apples. Take your tattered broom or mop
and stir, counterclockwise, until solution is brothy.
Now, add the rest of the ingredients, in this order. First, the
pomegranates. Squeeze out the juice as much as possible. Now the volcanic rocks. Now sweep in the anarchy symbols. And lastly,
the fluid ounce of cyanide. Make sure the cyanide melts the entire mannequin into your solution. Stir counterclockwise again,
for fifteen minutes.
Then stir until the rest of your broom or mop is worn. Break it into pieces, and drop it in. Let
solution sit for six days. Leave in total privacy. Time this well. When you come back, pour the stem cells into the cauldron.
Within one and a half hours, your supervillain will rise and greet you. When it makes eye contact, play your tape, and it
will sound like that evil voice, forever.
Let it be known that you are its creator, and if you did everything in this
recipe right, it will try to kill you. Enjoy.
Go Go Go
ya never know how fast you can run, until
ya really, really badly have
to have to go
jump the ditches down by the pond so
the ducks and geese jump you their fill
the wind
hits your face, urging you on
the roads are your desert now and then
the grass impedes you with their
singing
out of my way, you silently tell them
your legs running, your arms swinging
through the doors, down this hallway
up the stairs, through that hallway
round
this corner, almost almost there
the final door stands in your way
you push through it, your will stays
finally, you're there, sitting down on the can
Finals
"We sacrificed everything for your waste basket loving ass," came the longing
and vengeful whisper. They were staring me down, and I could do nothing but succumb, except that when I fell on my knees,
the floor wasn't there to support me. My surroundings spiraled like that of Alice in Wonderland, but thrice as dark and there
was no white rabbit to follow, only the old Deku Tree cursing me for not saving it sooner. It didn't catch me as I fell almost
into the pit of spikes, catching myself at the edge at the last second and climbing up. As I ran through the forest, almost
dead trees tore at my skin like I was Snow White, but not nearly as pretty. I was looking for my Damsel in Shining Armor,
Angela. She is not here yet, and the environmentalists threatening to crucify me on the right are not helping my cause. The
squirrels throw nuts at me for stealing their habitats and curse my waste basket loving ass once more. Oh, the Purgatory and
Hell of the American student, and other waster of papers.
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