November 25, 2009

by James Smart

Driving like a simulated senior

      A newsletter from our auto insurance purveyor had an article advising adult children on how to discuss with their elderly parents the fact that they (the parents) are over the automotive hill, and those other drivers who frequently honk at them are not just being friendly. They cite a survey that found that more than 75 percent of adult children have not talked to the old folks about their driving.

      I would imagine that the 20-some percent who did raise the subject got replies along the lines of, “What’s wrong with my driving, junior?” and/or “I’ve been driving since my pop bought his Henry J. right after the War,” and/or “Mind your own business.”

      To help baby boomers risk bringing up those unexplained little dents in Dad’s ’97 Buick, the insurance company has devised an on-line computer game called Driver’s Seat, which the newsletter claims “lets you experience how it feels to be a senior driver.” I gave it a try.

      The game starts with an aerial view of a cartoony region divided into Wilderness, Outskirts, Suburban and Urban. I clicked on Suburban.

      Next, the screen said, “Please select your impairment level.” It didn’t offer a realistic parent option of responding, “Whatd’ya mean, impairment, buster?” The choices were Low, Medium or Advanced. (Wouldn’t an advanced impairment be a disability, or something?) I chose Low.

      The suburban area lit up. The screen told me to steer with the arrows on the keyboard; up arrow is accelerator, left arrow turns left, right arrow turns right, and down arrow makes U-turns.

      There was no simulated brake pedal, which seemed like a serious omission. And I’ve never driven a car with a U-turn button. Must be something new from Detroit (if there still is a Detroit.)

The game consisted of steering a little car on a drawing of a suburban town to a school play, then to a diner to have lunch with a friend, next to do some shopping and finally to a park. I had no idea where the school was, and drove straight until I bumped into the edge of the picture. Good thing that U-turn button was there.

      Then I caught on that arrows on the streets indicated the route I should take. That would be handy in real life. I was doing fine until I stopped for some cross traffic. Easing up on the accelerator button was the only way to stop. A car turned out of a street behind me and clipped my right rear. I suspect some other old guy was playing the game at the same time.

      I finally got to the school parking lot. I wiggle-woggled, left-arrow-right-arrow, maneuvering toward a space. It didn’t help that some pedestrian talking on a cell phone walked in front of me.

      The game suddenly cut me off, revealing that I was allowed only 49 seconds to make the trip. Next, I headed for the diner, but made a few wrong turns and didn’t reach that destination in 49 seconds, either.

      I played the game for a while, and learned three things. (1) I may be a good driver, but I’m no good at computer games.(2) I’m glad that my real car has a steering wheel, not arrow buttons. (3) Maybe I should have a steering wheel attached to my laptop.