Our Thoughts

For Aidan Alexander

Our baby boy, you were so loved, since the day we learned we were pregnant. We were so excited and began planning for the day you would be born. We wondered would we need pink or blue and would have been happy either way. We saw your pictures early on and watched while you sucked your thumb Then you began kicking and getting hiccups every day. As your heart beat within mine, I wondered what miracle would arrive. You always knew your daddy's touch and would give him a special kick. And your sisters would talk to you and give my belly kisses meant just for you.

Then one day your little heart stopped beating, and our world forever changed. Your life though short has touched so many others, you were so loved before you were born. You are our angel in the sky, our precious son. The hardest thing we've ever had to do was say goodbye. Never will htere be a day we don't think of you. From our loss, we have learned that life is a gift not to be taken for granted, and it has brought us closer. We pray that others will look at you, and then themselves, and find that a beautiful baby can teach us all how to love and live more fully.

Though we will miss you until the day we die,

We're so thankful we had you, "For just this little while."

Love Mommy, Daddy, Megan, Phoebe and Rileigh

Aidan was a miracle given to us 34 weeks ago when a part of me and a part of Jason got together out of love, and made his beginning. I nurtured him with my body andheart, while everyone else nurtured him withtheir love.

Our loss weighs heavy on our hearts, as I know it weighs on all of our friends and family. And even though we all believe different things, I take comfort and healing from my own belief.

I hear from a lot of people that we don't always have answers for our hard questions, no one can say why this happened, it was God's will or it was a higher being's decision, it wasn't meant to be. Some people don't beleive any of it. I wish that I could know why, I wish he was here with us. I don't have an answer and to search and search for one would only end in heartache.

What I can take comfort in is this: We are all blessed with miracles every day. I have 3 other miracles at home. They all come into this world as a part of two people. Then they grow and grow inside of a body. And they are loved and cared for. And one day, they emerge into the arms of their parents who adore them and wonder how they could possibly have made this beautiful being. Whether God could have prevented what happened, or whether he couldn't, whether it was his plan or it wasn't, I know that Aidan was welcomed by him with open arms. My baby is in Heaven where he is loved as much as he was here. And I take my comfort in knowing that when he was made and when he went to heaven, we were twice blessed as he had a life full of love with us, and he will have an everlasting life full of love with God.

Tiny Angel

Tranquil in your mother's embrace

Her silent tears upon your face

Heartbroken, your father silently weeps

As you, his precious little boy sleeps

For a fleeting moment each of us held you

And whispered a prayer to help us through

From your eternal sleep you never stirred

Not a sound from you was ever heard

You remained both silent and still

For this little Aidan, was God's will

You became a tiny angel before your birth

Chosen to leave all of us here on earth

We will not get to see you laugh and play

Or get to hug and kiss you every day

We will think of you with each passing day

Loving you in every single way

Our hearts are heavy with grief

Because you moment here was too brief

Today we may shed our tears and grieve

But tomorrow we will need to set you free

For God has given you wings to fly

And a home in his sun-kissed sky

Someday all of our spirits will once again lift

For waiting in heaven is a precious gift

Aidan, a tiny angel chosen before his birth

Watching over all of us here on earth

Written by: Gwendolyn Milstein May 2004

It has been 6 months since Aidan left us. We have had to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving and soon Christmas without our baby boy. He would likely be trying to scootch around and sit up at this age. Not a day has gone by that we don't think of him and what he would be doing if he were here with us today. I just decorated his grave for Christmas. He has a little Christmas tree with some garland, blue bows, angel ornaments and star top. He also has some candy canes and other cool decorations. It helps to know that though we can't see him we can still do something for him on the holidays and know that he is watching us all.

We celebrated Aidan's first Heaven Birthday on May 21st 2005. Unfortunately, mommy was in the hospital having pre-term labor issues with his little brother Keegan. However, grandmom brought us white balloons, and mommy, daddy, Megan, Phoebe, Rileigh, Grandmom and Aunt Wendy each released a balloon outside of the hospital for Aidan. Mommy had angel food cake later that night. Daddy and the girls put the remaining balloons at Aidan's grave site. And we got Aidan a little froggy solar light for his birthday. It was a sad day to have to celebrate without our birthday boy, but we sent our love up to Heaven.

Aidan is joined in Heaven by his little cousin Tamera on June 20, 2005. My sister had 8 short weeks with her little angel and knew for only a short time before she had to say goodbye. My heart breaks for her as this was her first pregnancy, but it comforts me that they are together waiting for us.

It's been more than 3 years since Aidan grew his wings. Time certainly does heal wounds, and helps heal your broken heart. It never erases what was there, but it helps to heal the pain.

For mothers day this year, Jason planted sod at the cemetary. He knew how much I wanted Aidan to have lush green grass. While I know my son is not there in that ground with his body, his little soul is in heaven, it's my way of continuing with the peace I have found with what has happened to him. To be able to keep his space clean, with flowers and grass and decorated like a little boy would want, helps my sanity and the emptiness that his loss has brought to our family. Aidan is very much a part of our lives, and we will never forget we had another son, and my kids will never forget they had another brother.

We just celebrated Aidan's 4th Heaven birthday. It is so surreal to imagine we should have a 4 year old little boy home playing with us, but we do not. Keegan should have a big brother to play with, but he doesn't. My girls should have 2 little brothers bugging the heck out of him, but they don't.

It's hard to believe this doesn't make me angry either. I just think of him as my son I dont' get to see. I imagine people think this odd, or difficult. But I know he was a blessing to me, my family, my friends and people who never even knew him. I see his presence daily. I know when we are doing things as a family, he is here with us. I feel him with us. I do get sad some days thinking of him not with us. I do cry sometimes thinking about him and remembering holding his little body in my arms. But I also have peace when I think of him.

So while we celebrate yet another year without our son here in the physical form, I know that we celebrate with his heavenly form.