Entry: No.35

Dear God

I am not too sure of what I am feeling, I know I trust You and I know that it doesn’t matter what I ask of You if it is Your will, You will give it to me. You see, I had a great passion asking You for things like, a husband etc. But the thing is, I no longer have that passion. I feel like all my prayers have been answered.   

I feel content with my life. I am trusting You Father to come through with the “stuff”, but in the meantime You have given me such a peace to just be in You. It seems as if all I want is for You to use me. As this is Your life Father, if You decide not to give those things to me I feel as if it’s o.k. I trust You that You know best.

I thank You for taking away my love for wanting to have this and wanting to have that. And for just giving me a passion to be a role model for You in the world. I love You Lord. I truly do. I do not feel I have to demand and beg You to give or do something for me. We have a relationship, and because of the relationship I can just ask and trust You to do what’s best.

It’s like a marriage, you leave your parents and you cleave to your mate. With You Father, I leave the world’s way of doing thing and I cleave to Your way. It’s love. When you truly love someone, it’s not about what they are doing for you but it’s about what you can do to make that person happy. I am not worried or concerned about things. I know You are a giver and much more and I know You will take care of me. My part will be to enjoy the things You give to me and not to worship them or put them in front of people or You.

I was afraid that I was not doing this “loving” thing right, but I don’t want to love You for what I can get out of it. I want to love You because of who You are. The Almighty and my Father. I want to do things for You, not because I want to compete with another or to impress another, but because You love me and Your love has cleansed me and I want to give someone the opportunity to experience the same.

Another thing is I cannot point fingers at anyone saying he/she is not doing enough for You because the bible says it is not by “works”, so how can I compare. I know for sure that I love You and I don’t have to look at anyone except You. Father I know You are able to answer my prayers but if You choose not to I am still Yours.