My parents are leaving for Asia tomorrow.  Boy am I bummed about that.  My dad's been a tremendous help from taking care of Sophia for a few hours on the weekends to cooking dinner for us on the weekends.  My mother on the other hand, has been extremely tired for the past couple of months, so Sophia hasn't really seen much action from her grandmama.  I suspect she has anemia, but I won't know until she decides to go see a doctor.  Yes, decides, IF she's up to seeing one.  UGH.  Sometimes I don't know who is the parent or child here.  Nevertheless, I hope they have a good time...and hurry back!

 

Because Phil is busy studying for an exam, I am pretty much left to my own devices for the next few weekends (good timing, Grandpa).  I'm praying the rain will hold off until the weekday so at least I can take the girls to the park and not be holed up in the house with them (or constantly putting Sophia in the corner).  This certainly will be a true test to mommyhood.  Better yet, it will be a true test to my patience. 

Not eating like her usual 4ozs, waking up at 3a for the past couple of nights, excessive drooling, constantly cranky and milk seeping from the side of her mouth equals to...

 

 

How could that be possible for a nearly three month old baby???  It's my guess and I could be right. 

I've been borrowing lots of books from the library.  Mainly the Brit Chick lit genre.  It generally keeps my mind not wandering in dangerland (ie, thinking negative thoughts before I go to bed), so it's helping me sleep better.

 

Today was the first day I've actually watched both kids on my own (my parents haven't left for Asia yet).  I have to thank the weather for that.  As long as it's sunny and semi-warm, I can take them to the park and kill two hours.  Then it's time for lunch and Sophia's nap.  After she naps, we can always go back out since Olivia likes to nap in the stroller.  These days it gets harder for me to put her down for a nap at home.  Pain in the arse.

 

Speaking of pain in the arse, everytime Olivia drinks from the Avent bottle, the milk oozes from the side of her mouth and drenches her bib and clothes.  I have to put a Bounty underneath her chin to mop it up.  I'm thinking about changing her bottles and nipples to Dr. Brown's.  But we'll see.

Just incase Sophia loses her comfort dog, I bought a backup- it's being discontinued.  Thanks for the heads up Auntie Judy!

I soooo need to update my iPod.  Anyone wanna help?

Yesterday we went to our friend's house in Flushing for an Easter Egg hunt.  Sophia and the boys, Justin, Drew, Troy and Maxwell (pictures to come), went searching for the eggs (real eggs and plastic ones) in the garden.  Everyone was a winner although Justin had more dinosaurs in his plastic egg.  Sophia had so much fun that she missed her naptime (but slept less than an hour in the car) and ended up being a cranky, crybaby afterwards.  It was definitely a fun-filled afternoon but exhausting day.  Thank goodness my father cooked us prime rib and mashed potatoes.  YUM.

 

Speaking of, my parents are leaving for Asia for three weeks once again.  AAACK.  How dare my babysitters/cooks leave without permission!  UGH.  I look forward to Fridays because I get a quiet afternoon without having to yell at Sophia to be quiet when mui is sleeping.  I've never been left alone with Sophia and mui all day.  Looks like it's going to be a hellish three weeks for all of us.  I'm gonna need a vacation away from everyone.  BY MYSELF.  

 

Could July come any sooner????????

 

She starts July 6th and it ends August 11th.  Regular school will start sometime in early September.   Nanny will watch mui (mui means baby sister in Chinese).  By the way, nanny doesn't plan on leaving at all, so this means I GET TO GO BACK TO WORK!  And find a job that is PERMANENT.  I've never been so excited to get back to work.  Not that I don't love my babies, but hey, Mummy needs to put food on the table, buy pretty dresses and pay for classes.  Okay, Mummy's lying- she REALLY just wants her old life back.  Badly.

 

(Picture me doing the cabbage patch dance)

I don't know why I torture myself everytime I go to bed.  I manage to fall asleep for a split second then jolt myself out of sleep.  I can't fall back asleep.  I turn the tv on and I'm actually sleepy once more.  Close my eyes and attempt to sleep again.  I lay there for about a half hour and nothing's happening.  I get up, read a boring book (Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and it's all small stuff) that apparently didn't help me relax and fall asleep.  At this point, I'm just tossing and turning, trying to think positive thoughts.  UGH.

 

I think I managed to fall asleep for about an hour or two.  Worst part is, Olivia slept until 5a.  Sophia never woke up to pee.  So I could have had a restful sleep, but instead, I chose to tense up for nothing. 

 

When will this shit ever end???

Sophia is no longer throwing up, but still claims her tummy hurts here and there.  She still throws her tantrums once in awhile when I don't spend enough time with her alone.  I try to take her out for walks but sometimes it's hard to lure her out of the house.  She prefers to stay indoors whereas, I prefer to be outdoors.  Lately she's been crying for no apparent reason.  My Aunt Susan thinks because she sees Olivia crying and everybody responding to the cries, Sophia does it just to get our attention.  I suppose like the Pavlov effect.  I'm perplexed to why she cries.  They just come out of the blue.  She gives no reasons why.   I just know I feel exasperated when it happens because she can't communicate why she feels the way she does.  And I want to help her and comfort her.  I am trying to be patient and to understand her, but most of the time, my temper just flares when I get no response from her.  I am not the greatest patient person, especially with young children.  But I try.

 

Olivia is very talkative when she's getting her diaper changed and fed.  She coo's quite often and breaks out in a smile.  It totally makes my heart melt when I see that.  Last night in the middle of the night, I was awoken by her laugh.  Clearly she was dreaming.  And, she enjoys sucking her fat fists.  Yesterday she had a meltdown- she missed her nap window which sparked a crying frenzy.  I tried many ways to put her to sleep, but nothing worked.  I gave up and strapped her in the stroller and took her out for a walk.  Luckily it was warm last night.  She napped for about 10-15 minutes and it totally calmed her down.  Yay!

 

***

 

These 9/11 911 tapes are making my stomach turn.  Everytime I hear a caller's frantic voice, it just makes me tense and angry.  I just wish the media would stop bringing these tapes out.  I can't believe it's almost been five years this September.  And still no memorial site for families and friends to grieve.  Unbelievably, 7 World Trade is already up.  My parent's apartment has a view of the 7 WTC top floors- kinda freaky seeing it there instead of the Twin Towers.

For some strange reason, Olivia woke up in the middle of the night, Tuesday morning.  Why it's strange- because at nine weeks old, she generally sleeps through the night.  So at 3:45a she wails and I figure she had a nightmare or something, so I give her a paci to suck to go back to sleep.  Nuh uh, a half hour later, she's still fighting to get out of her swaddle (she hates it with passion).  I give in and make her milk.  Phil's in bed with Sophia since her stomach virus hasn't settled down. 

 

I feed Olivia.  Except, she's awake after puking a bit.  I change her clothes.  I give her the paci again.  It's after 4:45a and I'm dying to go back to sleep.  Olivia doesn't want to sleep!  I carry her to my bed and she's getting angry now, kicking furiously in her swaddle.  Uh oh.  I can't figure out what's wrong.  I'm getting frustrated, so I yell out for Phil to come and rescue me.  He went to bed early, so he had his seven hours of sleep.  I didn't.  He takes her into the living room and I fall back asleep.  Later on, I ask him how long it took him to get her to sleep- he says ten minutes.  Bastard.

 

Later that day, I'm still sleep deprived, but I trudge on.  Nanny and I notice Olivia refuses to nap.  If she does fall asleep, it's only for 15 minutes.  She is crying non-stop.  I'm getting frustrated.  Nanny tells me to go out and not to worry.  I go to the local park, sit in the warm sun (yet windy and a bit chilly!) and read some mags.  I come back and nanny tells me Sophia doesn't want to nap and Olivia had been crying on and off.  I check on Sophia and she breaks out in a cry also.  Not sure what was wrong.  I give her a big hug and kisses and she eventually fell asleep.  I call the doctor to tell him we think Olivia's gums are hurting.  He said he doesn't think anything is wrong and to wait one more day to see if this still acts up. 

 

Later that evening, Phil went to class and my father comes over to help.  Olivia is still cranky.  I give her a massage.  She stopped crying.  I walk away for one minute and she starts to howl again.  I end up giving Olivia a bath to calm her ass.  It worked...temporarily.  Phil comes home, tells us he's needed at work for an emergency.   I'm shitting in my pants cuz I've never been left alone with the girls alone...at night...and Sophia's sick and Olivia's a whiny ass.  I'm thinking it's going to be a looooooong night, but it turned out great.  The girls sleep through the night (though I heard Sophia going to the bathroom by herself in the middle of the night) and Phil came home at 3a. 

 

Mommy survived.  Phew.

My Aunt Sue and I have been conversing almost everday on IM for the past month, checking in with each other to see how one is doing.  She's only 14 years older than me, so we can relate on many levels.  Today's conversation with her was about how I get upset when my mother complains about watching Sophia.  I get so much verbal abuse from her lately, it's really getting to me.  She tells me to stop dropping her off.  She tells me that it's MY problem, not hers.  She tells me when she had my sister and I, she did it herself (that is so not 100% true).  My mother loves Sophia.   But not to the point where she wants to be the babysitter.  When I'm outdside, I notice many grandparents caring for their grandchildren (maybe it's just a Chinese thing?) and I get so jealous.  I thought all grandparents automatically wants to help their children care for their children.  Isn't that what being a GRANDPARENT mean????? 

 

My sister Judy and I are 11 months apart.  I was practically raised by my paternal grandparents (my maternal grandmother died of ovarian cancer at an early age).  Judy on the other hand, was raised by my mother (mostly because she wouldn't go to anyone else whereas, I was friendly with everyone, including the street bum).  I think in a way, that caused me to have a lot of anger towards my mother.  Can you believe she didn't even go to my college graduation?  This is what she said to me, "If get your master's, I'll go then."  What kind of mother tells her daughter that?  My mom always plays the "tough love" card with me.  Whatever I do, is NEVER good enough.  And I never win.  Remember the movie, "The Joy Luck Club"?  They wrote a story about my relationship and my mother!

 

In a way, I resent the fact that I was separated from my mother at a young age, which probably caused me to hate my sister in my teenage years.  But I was an indepedent, carefree, happy baby.  As long as I was fed, clothed, bathed, getting full attention and being loved, I could give a shit where I was living.   I have many loving memories of my grandparents (who are still alive) raising me and I cherish those times.  And of course having those feelings, I want the very same for Sophia.  And she's very, very attached to my mother.  My father on the other hand, ADORES her and showers her with maybe too much love, but Sophia won't let him come close to her if my mother is around.  Funny thing is, Sophia is EXACTLY like my mother.  Stubborn as a mule and plays hard to get.

 

I'm not asking a whole lot from my mother.  I'm not asking her to quit her job in order to raise my children.  All I ask is her to quit bitching about Sophia hanging out with her.  Act like a grandmother.  And most importantly, act like a loving, supportive mother.

Yesterday we took the girls to the doctor's office.  Sophia, for her yearly checkup and Olivia for her two month old checkup.  Sophia also had to get checked out for the stomach virus- she's been puking for the past two days.  I didn't get much sleep from the night before since she puked over three times.  It was really painful to watch my baby girl throw up over and over again.  Last night she was crying in pain and neither of us couldn't do anything but hold her and rub her tummy.  Phil had to sleep with her for the past two nights, incase she threw up (I really don't know how she sleeps through his snores).  We have to make sure we don't get the little one sick- stomach viruses are highly contagious.  Anyhow, Sophia is now 3ft tall but skinny as heck- she only weighs 26lbs, no change from last year.  Skins and bones.  Unreal.

 

Olivia on the other hand, is thriving.  The oinker is slowly but surely catching up to her older sister, weighing at 11lbs and at 22".  She took her two shots pretty well- first one she had a gasp reaction but the second one she wailed for about two minutes. Nothing like Sophia when she was a newborn- she cried for five seconds and that was it!

 

I treated myself to watching Grey's last night (shedded some tears and smiles).  What I really should have done was go to bed. 

I signed Sophia up for an art class at our local Y (brand spankin' new Y too!  Swimming lessons coming this summer).  Phil volunteered to take Sophia there, nanny came in to help watch Olivia and that meant I HAD THE DAY FREE TO DO WHATEVER I WANTED TO DO.  Except, that almost never happens in real life.

 

This morning Sophia was fighting to not eat her breakfast, which was Cheerios and milk (separately of course).  Sometimes I have to constantly remind her to EAT while she watches her morning telly.  If she gets really lazy, she has the nanny spoon it in her mouth for her (this laziness is definitely Phil's side of the family).  So the nanny is feeding Cheerios in her mouth.

 

Anyhows, I walk away from them and a few minutes later, the nanny calls for me and I go into the living room- Sophia puked into her bowl.  I thought it was one of those Sophia moments where we force her to eat and she makes a gagging noise.  Nope.  After that incident, I'm still telling her to finish her milk and finish the rice bar.  She pukes AGAIN.  Alright, something is definitely wrong.  It's not the milk either.  And to think, she's never puked like that.  Crap, now the day has turned into laundry day.  So much for getting out of the house early.

 

By the time 10:30a rolls around, Phil thinks it's out of her system.  He takes her to the Y and I call them to let him know I'm going to Union Square, so I have them meet me there after they are done with the class.  Uh, bad idea.  They get off the bus and she pulls a Linda Blair, this time all over Phil.  I didn't get the message until I got to Union Square.  By then, Phil and Sophia took the train back home.  Laundry day part two.

 

I headed over to Paragon to check out some jogging gear.  I tried on several jogging shorts and bras only to realize, HULLO, I DON'T FIT INTO A MEDIUM YET.  I was so annoyed with myself.  The jogging shorts I bought aren't cheap, so I'm better off waiting until I get back to my pre-pregnancy weight (which is to lose the ten pounds). 

 

It was starting to drizzle (by the way, it was GORGEOUS TODAY, in the 70s), so I made my way to Trader Joe's.  I was hoping the rain would pass while I picked up some goodies.  Umm, you know what, there was nothing left in the frozen food section (pizzas especially)!   I ended up getting some frozen broccoli, cheddar cheese (to make quiche), mozz and tomato on foccacia sammich (which was yummy!) and mini-pita's. 

 

I made my way back home and helped Phil fold the rest of the laundry.  Sophia took a late nap.  She seemed okay by the way she was playing and screaming.  But I wasn't taking any chances, so I picked up some Pedialyte and saltines for her (dinner was jook- boiled rice and water).  Guess it was just a 24 hour bug in her.  And guess I'll have to get my hair and facial done another day.