Welcome To Cosmo And Midge's Papillon Home Page :Introducing The Butterfly Dogs !

Home of the Butterfly Dogs
Annual Papillon Play Day
Poems And Prose About Papillons
Humor and Non Humor About Dogs
Recipes For Dog Food and Treats
Dog Health and First Aid Topics
Cosmo's Friends- A Photo Albumn
House Training Your Dog
Links For All Dog Related Stuff
Joan's Sourdough Page

Humor and Non Humor About Dogs

cosmopenquin.jpg
Cosmo in Penquin Hat

HUMOR AND NON HUMOR COLUMNS

HUMOR

THE WELCOME

I hear it! I hear the car! HER car! And she's coming this way!

Oh, oh, I must run in and grab a gift! I must greet her with a gift!

Oh, 'BONK' missed the step. No matter, I must hurry. Move over, doggy door!
She's coming, she's coming!

Gift, gift, where, what, oh, oh, oh, ah! A plastic bottle she drinks from,
right here on top of the container they call trash! Oh, perfect.

She's coming, she's coming! Oh, oh, oh...

The door! I hear the door sound that sounds right before she comes in!

Oh, it's OPENING! SHE'S HOME!

Oh, oh, 'wiggle, wiggle, wiggle' I cannot be still!
You're home! And look, look, I have this nice bottle!
Oh, oh, you're home! YOU'RE HOME!

I have missed you so much, you've been gone hours, weeks, days, years!
And so much has happened! A dog ran by and I chewed a tree and Pluto slept under the house and it rained a little!

Oh, oh, oh! You're home, you're home!

And you're touching me! I can't stand it, it's so marvelous!
Oh, and you're speaking! "Murble, murble, good boy, murble, murble."

YES! Your happy voice. Oh, I'm about to burst!
I'm so happy, happy, happy! Yes! I want to jump!
I'm not supposed to jump, but oh, oh, just a little jump!

"Off."

Darn. Oh, I cannot be still.

I'll roll over and wiggle on my back! Oh, yes!
She's rubbing me-my tummy, my head, my sides!
Oh, oh,oh.

Now what? Now where's she going? Oh, oh, yes!
Back to the room where we sleep at night! Great!
It has the big pad we sleep on and 'L-E-A-P' I can get up here close to her.

And here she comes!

Oh, oh, oh! I can stand on my legs and put my paws around her neck and-uh oh.
Can't lick with this bottle in my mouth. But it's my present to her!
Oh, oh, what to do? And she's rubbing me!
But I want to lick her, oh, oh, I think I'm about to burst!

"Off."

Oh, darn. Drop the bottle. Oh, YES! She's coming back!

She took off the pieces she puts on her eyes and I can stand and 'lick, lick' I love you, I love you, I love you, I love 'lick, lick, lick' you taste so good, salty, sweet, I love that stuff you smear on your face every day,
I love to lick it off, oh, oh, and you're rubbing me again!

My back, my head, my ears, oh, oh 'lick, lick, lick'.
"Murble, murble, Mickee, good boy, murble, murble."

"Off."

Darn.

I will lay here and watch her. Watch her peel her fur-it's-not. It is very warm.

I don't know because I don't think. How does she do that?

And I will get that look on my face that always makes her come and rub me.
The look where I roll my eyes up, and keep my head flat here and she she will come...and she's putting on her play skin.
YES! We will play-sometime. My tail cannot be still. I am SO happy, happy, happy.

Now she's going in the room with the wonderful water bowl!
I LOVE that water bowl - always cool, clean water!
She'll be out in just a minute, just a minute, just a.....yes, she's coming!
She's here again.

Oh, oh, oh....

Now back to the room with the box that has pictures and sounds.
Ah, I know what happens now. Yep, she's laying down on the big pad there.
Now she'll sleep. But that's okay.

She's HOME!

SHE'S home.

She's home.

And she smells tired. So I will lay beside her here and guard her and wait while she sleeps.
And when she wakes up she won't smell so tired. And we'll play and play.

S-i-g-h. I'll just rest with her now, and smell her while she sleeps.

And then, oh, oh, zzzzzzzzz........

-Written by Jana Mauney

 

 

 

Have you ever realized that children are like dogs - loyal and affectionate,
but teenagers are like cats.. ...

It's so easy to be a dog owner.
You feed it, train it, boss it around.
And yet it still puts its head on your knee and gazes at you as if you were a Rembrandt painting
and bounds indoors with enthusiasm when you call it.


Then around age 13, your adoring little puppy turns into a cat. When you tell it to come inside, it looks amazed, as if wondering who died and made you emperor. Instead of dogging your doorsteps, it disappears.

You won't see it again until it gets hungry.
Then it pauses on its sprint through the kitchen long enough to turn its nose up at whatever you're serving.

When you reach out to ruffle its head, in that old affectionate gesture, it twists away from you, then gives you a blank stare, as if trying to remember where it has seen you before.

You, not realizing that the dog is now a cat,
think something must be desperately wrong.
It seems so antisocial, so distant.

It won't go on family outings.
Since you're the one who raised it, taught it to fetch and stay and sit on command, you assume that you did something wrong.

Flooded with guilt and fear, you redouble your efforts to make your pet behave.
Only now you're dealing with a cat, so everything that worked before now produces the opposite of the desired result.

Call it, and it runs away. Tell it to sit, and it jumps on the counter.
The more you go toward it, with open arms,
the more it moves away.

Instead of continuing to act like a dog owner,
you should learn to behave like a cat owner.
Put a dish of food near the door, and let it come to you.

Sit still, and it will come, seeking that warm,
comforting lap it has not entirely forgotten.

Be there to open the door for it.


And just remember...
One day your grown-up child will walk into the kitchen, give you a big kiss and say,
"You've been on your feet all day.
Let me get those dishes for you."

Then you'll realize your cat is now a dog again.

 

 

Names of Crossbreeds ( Humor )
original author unknown

Pointer X Setter = Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet

Kerry Blue Terrier X Skye Terrier = Blue Skye, a dog for visionaries

Great Pyrenees X Dachshund = Pyradachs, a puzzling breed

Pekingnese X Lhasa Apso = Peekasso, an abstract dog

Irish Water Spaniel X English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer, a dog fresh and
clean as a whistle

Labrador Retriever X Curly Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists

Newfoundland X Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors


Terrier X Bulldog = Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes

Bloodhound X Labrador = Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly

Malamute X Pointer = Moot Point, owned by....oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway

Collie X Malamute = Commute, a dog that travels to work

Deerhound X Terrier = Derriere, a dog that's true to the end

Cocker Spaniel x Rottweiller = Cockrot, the perfect puppy for that philandering ex-husband

Bull Terrier x Shitzu = Bullshitz, a gregarious but unreliable breed

 

The Creation Story as told by Snoopy"


On the first day of creation, God created the dog.

On the second day, God created man to serve the dog.

On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth to serve as potential food for the dog.

On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labour for the good of the dog.

On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the dog might or might not retrieve it.

On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the dog healthy and the man broke.

On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to walk the dog.

 

 

Dog Wisdom: 15 Things we can learn from dogs...

1. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride.
2. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
3. When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
4. Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
5. Take naps and always stretch before rising.
6. Run, romp, and play daily.
7. Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
8. Be loyal.
9. Never pretend to be something you're not.
10. If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
11. When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
12. Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
13. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
14. On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
15. No matter how often you are criticized, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout. Run right back and make

 

WORDS OF WISDOM:


The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue. - Anonymous

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. -
Will Rogers

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Ben Williams

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. -
Josh Billings

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andy Rooney

We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare, and love we can spare. And
in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made. - M. Facklam

Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate. - Sigmund Freud

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few person. - James Thurber

I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his water bow. -
Penny Ward Moser

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P. Jones

 

Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend; inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx


"Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!" -Anne Tyler

 

Acquiring A Dog May Be The Only Opportunity A Human Ever Has To Choose A Relative  --

Mordecai Segal 1934

 

 

From a lost chapter in the book of Genesis:

"Where Dogs and Cats Come From"

Adam was walking in the garden and cried out to God,
"You used to walk with me every day. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonely here, and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me."


And God said, "I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me.
Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of
yourself."


And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam.
And it was a good animal.
And God was pleased.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and he wagged his tail.
And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."


And God said, "Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you shall call him DOG."


And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him.
And Adam was comforted.
And God was pleased.
And Dog was content and wagged his tail.


After a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is
loved, but perhaps too well."


And the Lord said, "I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not always worthy of adoration."


And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not obey Adam.
And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme being.

And Adam learned humility.
And God was pleased.
And Adam was greatly improved.
And Dog was happy.
And Cat didn't give a meow one way or the other.

 


Dear Dogs:
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two dogs in the way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw
print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the
slightest.

The stairway was not designed by Nascar and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but doggy sarcasm.

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years, canine attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

 

 

Rules for non pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets.

1. The dog lives here. You don't.
2. If you don't want dog hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my dog a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, she's a dog. To me, she's an adopted daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
5. **Dogs are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive
your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't
need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the pups.

The same applies to cats, except they ignore you until you are asleep.

 

 

50 Reasons Why Chicks Dig Dogs !

A dog has long been a man's best friend. Few women have a problem with that.
But when The Field - the magazine devoted to the hunting, shooting, fishing fraternity - suggested 50 reasons why dogs are better than women, it started the paw wars.

Spots are an attractive feature on a dog.

A dog is better protection from intruders.

Dogs enjoy ball games. But they don't spend six hours on the phone trying to get tickets for France 98.

Dogs greet each other by sniffing bottoms. Men are far less polite.

Puppy love doesn't wear off so quickly with a dog.

You can be prosecuted for neglecting a dog.

Dogs can find their way back home - even after a really heavy night out.

Dogs can be trained not to lie on the bed. Men always lie in bed.

A dog can moult without becoming obsessed about premature baldness.

Dogs can be taught the meaning of the word "NO!"

A dog is far less irritation to have in the back seat of a car...

...and will be less likely to show its rear end to the people in the vehicle behind for a laugh.

Elizabeth Hurley has a faithful dog whom she loves dearly.

If a dog says sausages, that's clever. If a man says sausages, that's just greedy.

Dogs will wait patiently outside clothes shops...

...and not criticize your purchases afterwards.

A dog will fetch the morning paper for you.

A dog will trot faithfully round at your heel.

Dogs don't break wind in public and blame it on the man.

In the canine world, boxers are quite intelligent.

If a dog gets ill, it won't take eighteen Panadols in order to avoid having to go to the vet.

You can also ask the vet to perform the snip, even if the dog objects.

Small, ginger-haired dogs can be quite appealing. As for men? Two words. Robin Cook.

You can find a nice dog by advertising on a card in a shop window, or in the classified section of the local paper.

A woman can live with more than one dog, without rumors starting.

When dogs beg, it's cute. When men beg it's pathetic,

Dogs sometimes dig the garden.

A dog can go out fox-hunting without being incredibly stuck up and pompous.
And pompous.

Dogs don't necessarily prefer blondes.

Dogs won't get embarrassed if you call them by a pet name when their friends are around.

Dogs travel more cheaply on the bus.

Dogs whine less.

Some dogs can be quite talented at singing.

Men lost the World Cup. A dog found it.

Dogs are less reliant on tinned food..

...But after a few cans, a dog will still be able to stand up.

And there are some things even a dog won't eat - like the remains of a three-day-old King Prawn vindaloo that they found on the floor behind the
sofa.

You can leave a dog alone in your house without worrying so much about what it'll break.

A dog gets a new coat every winter.

Dogs are not so careless about leaving puddles on the bathroom floor.

A dog is less likely to leave a filthy, stinking mess for you to clear up.

For a dog, a wet nose is a sign of GOOD health.

Men are even less useful for testing cosmetics on.

Dogs don't wolf-whistle.

There are still thousands of totally undomesticated dogs in Australia; but far more undomesticated men.

Your dog will never refer to you as 'a bitch'.

In disaster films, the dog is always far more likely to have a miraculous escape.

Dogs do not waste money betting on the dogs.

You can stop dogs getting too randy by throwing a bucket or water over them.

All the best clips on 'You've Been Framed' are the ones with dogs in.

If a dog starts worrying sheep, that's just its natural predatory instinct.
If a MAN starts worrying sheep, however...

A 'King Charles' is much more likely to be a big, floppy-eared dog than a big floppy-eared man.

You can also call a dog schitzu without offending it.

"Working like a dog" is strenuous. Working like a man is, er - not.

You can fondle your dog in the park without being arrested.

A dog will encourage you to lose weight by taking more exercise. A man will just remark on how big your bum looks.

Dogs do not attack other dogs for being a different color.

Having a dog around the place can actually ease stress.

You'd feel guilty about turning a dog out on the street.

A dog can take a barrel of brandy to a lost mountaineer without drinking ANY.

There aren't so many good reasons to keep a dog muzzled in public.

You can buy a dog's affection with a squeaky toy.

A dog will be eager to walk, rather than getting a taxi.

Most dogs are really good with children.

Dogs have a highly-developed sense of smell. Men, on the other hand, can quite happily wear the same pair of pants for a fortnight.

A dog is more useful for tracking down criminals.

Who did YOU miss most from Blue Peter - John Noakes or Shep?

A dog might actually take a bath of its own accord.

There's more chance of your dog being able to operate the video recorder.

You can buy a choke-chain for a dog.

A 16-year-old dog is very mature.

A dog is easier to keep well- groomed.

Dogs have more chance of receiving an award for bravery.

Dogs are easier to house-train.

Dog do not scratch themselves so much in polite company.

A dog can look as though it understands what you're saying.

Dogs went into space first.

A man will roll over and play dead only if you ask him to get up and make coffee.

Dogs enjoy swimming, and not for the chance to ogle girls in bikinis.

Being a dog's mistress is no reason to feel ashamed.

You can keep your dog tied up if it starts misbehaving.

Saggy skin and a hang-dog look aren't half as appealing on a man.

You can train a dog in obedience.

A dog in a studded collar isn't kinky.

Few men would answer to 'Lassie'.

A dog is a pack animal. A man is a six-pack animal.

Dogs spend the day sniffing drugs only if they're with the police.

Dogs aren't obsessed with 'doing it man-fashion'.

A dog is a faithful companion.

A dog is for life.

 


Why Men Like Dogs

 

This is why lots of guys have two dogs and not two wives...


1. The later you are, the more excited they are to see you.

2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.

3. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.

4. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

5. A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.

6. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

7. A dog's parents never visit.

8. Dogs do not hate their bodies.

9. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to

get your point across.

10. Dogs like to do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet or desk.

11. Dogs seldom outlive you.

12. Dogs can't talk.

13. Dogs enjoy petting in public.

14. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go
24 hours a day.

15. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

16. Dogs like to go hunting.

17. Another man will seldom steal your dog

18. If you bring another dog home, your dog will

happily play with both of you.

19. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I

died would you get another dog?"

20. If you pretend to be blind, your dog can stay in

your hotel room for free.

21. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the

paper and give them away.

22. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it

without calling you a pervert.

23. A dog won't hold out on you to get a new car.

24. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad, they just think it's interesting.

25. On a car trip, you dog never insists on running the heater.

26. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.

27. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

28. Dogs are not allowed in Bloomingdales or Neiman-Marcus.


And, last but not least,


29. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

 

Dictionary for Dogs

LEASH: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person
where you want him/her to go.

DOG BED: any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room
or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.

DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this
properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to
the floor, or better yet, on their laps.

SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as
close as you can to the other dog s rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several
times until your person makes you stop.

GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your
ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with
your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred,
beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.

BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat.
To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark
loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into
the bushes, and you prance away.

DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when their person wants them in
and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then
running in the opposite direction, or lying down.

THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain
amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the
danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and
following at their heels.

WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy
wrapper. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over
the house until your person comes home

SOFAS: Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it is polite to run
up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean.

BATH: This is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls and
themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.

LEAN: Every good dogs's response to the command "Sit !", especially if your
person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective before black-tie
events.

BUMP: The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a fresh
cup of coffee or tea.

GOOSE BUMP: A maneuver to use as a last resort when the Regular Bump doesn't get
the attention you require.....especially effective when combined with The Sniff.
See above.

LOVE: Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction.
The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, a
human will love you in return.

 

 

 


The Top 20 Reasons Dogs Don't Use Computers

20. Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95.
19. Fetch command not available on all platforms.
18. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.
17. Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.
16. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail."
15. Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
14. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing
www.pethouse.com instead of working.
13. Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee.
12. Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.
11. Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail-wagging.
10. Oh, but they WILL... with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb.
9. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome
8. 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand...
7. Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software.
6. SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test.
5 SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!
4. Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to maneuver.
3. Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master's.leg.
2. Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.
1. TrO { gO DsA[r,bN HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE WeIjTyH P;AzWqS,. *
( * 1 Too Darn Hard To Type With Paws. )

 

 

 


The Truth about Canines

Dogs lie around all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.

They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.

They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.

They growl when they are not happy.

When you want to play they want to play.

When you want to be alone they want to play.

They are great at begging.

They will love you forever if you rub their tummies.

They leave their toys everywhere.

They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.

Conclusion: They're tiny men in little fur coats.

 

This is from the Canine University newsletter.
Why Own A DOG?

Why own a dog? There's danger you know You can't own just one, the craving will grow There's no doubt they're addictive, wherein lies the danger While living with lots, you'll grow poorer and stranger.

One dog is so funny, and two are no trouble The third one is easy, the fourth one's a honey
The fifth's delightful, the sixth one's a breeze, You find you can live with a house full with ease.

So how 'bout another? Would you really dare? They're really quite easy, but Lord, the hair.
With dogs on the sofa, and dogs on the bed, And crates in the kitchen, It's no bother, you've said, They're really no trouble, their manners are great,
What's just one more dog, and one more crate?

The sofa is hairy, the windows are crusty, The floor is all footprints, the furniture is dusty,The housekeeping suffers, but what do you care?
Who minds a few nose prints, and a little more hair?

So let's keep a puppy, you can always find room, And a little more time for the dust cloth and broom,There's hardly a limit to the dogs you can add, The thought of a cutback sure makes you sad.

Each one is so special, so useful, so funny, The vet, the food bills grow larger, you owe money, Your folks never visit, few friends come to stay,
Except other dog folks, who live the same way.

Your lawn has now died, and your shrubs are dead too, But your weekends are busy, you're off with your crew,
There's dog food and vitamins, and training and shots, And entries and motels which cost lots.
Is it worth it you wonder? Are you caught in a trap?

Then your favorite dog comes and climbs in your lap, His look says you're special, and you know that you will Keep all of the critters, in spite of the bill.

author unknown"




A JEWISH DOG

Sol visits Abe and sees a dog in the house.

"So what kind of dog is this?" asks Sol.

"It's a Jewish dog. His name is Irving," says Abe. "Watch this,"
continues Abe as he points to the dog. "Irving, Fetch!"

Irving walks slowly to the door, then turns around and says, "So why are you talking to me like that? You always order me around like I'm nothing.
And then you make me sleep on the floor, with my arthritis...You give me this fahkahkta food with all the salt and fat, and you tell me it's a special diet...It tastes like dreck! YOU should eat it yourself...And do you ever take me for a decent walk? NO, it's out of the house, a short piss, and right back home. Maybe if I could stretch out a little, the sciatica wouldn't kill me so much!"

Sol, amazed, tells Abe how remarkable this is, to which Abe answers, "I don't know, I think this dog has a hearing problem. I said fetch, and he thought I said kvetch....... .

 

Jewish Dog #2

 
A man walks into shul with a dog. The shammas comes up to him and says, "Pardon me, this is a House of Worship, you can't bring your dog in here."

"What do you mean," says the man, "this is a Jewish dog. Look."

And the shammas looks carefully and sees that in the same way that a St. Bernard carries a brandy barrel round its neck this dog has a tallis bag round its neck.

"Rover," says the man, "kipa!".

"Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag, takes out a kipa and puts it on his head


"Rover," says the man, "tallis!".

"Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag, takes out a tallis and puts it round his neck.

"Rover," says the man, "daven!".

"Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag, takes out a siddur and starts to daven.

"That's fantastic," says the shammas, "absolutely amazing, incredible! You should take him to Hollywood , get him on television, get him in the movies, he could make millions of dollars!!

"You speak to him," says the man, "he wants to be a doctor."

 

RULES FOR DOGS

1. Dogs are never permitted in the house. The dog stays outside in a specially built wooden compartment named, for very good reason, the "dog house."

2. Okay, the dog can enter the house, but only for short visits or if his own house is under renovation.

3. Okay, the dog can stay in the house on a permanent basis, provided his dog
house can be sold in a yard sale to a rookie dog owner.

4. Inside the house, the dog is not allowed to run free and is confined to a comfortable but secure metal cage.

5. Okay, the cage becomes part of a two for one deal along with the dog house in the yard sale, and the dog can go wherever the hell he pleases.

6. The dog is never allowed on the furniture.

7. Okay, the dog can get on the old furniture, but not the new furniture.

8. Okay, the dog can get up on the new furniture until it looks like the old furniture, and then we'll sell the whole damn works and buy new furniture - upon which the dog will most definitely not be allowed.

9. The dog never sleeps on the bed. Period.

10. Okay, the dog can sleep at the foot of the bed.

11. Okay, the dog can sleep alongside you, but he's not allowed under the covers.

12. Okay, the dog can sleep under the covers, but not with his head on the pillow.

13. Okay, the dog can sleep alongside you under the covers with his head on the pillow, but if he snores or farts, he's got to leave the room.

14. Okay, the dog can sleep and snore and fart and have nightmares in bed, but he's not to come in and sleep on the couch in the TV room, where I'm now sleeping. That's just not fair.

15. The dog never gets listed on the census questionnaire as "primary resident," even if it's true.

 

 

 

From: Gail, Mia & Diva: Pap Lists

I started writing this list shortly after we brought Mia home nearly five years ago and have been adding to it ever since. I have to admit
we have done 90% of these things....I'm sure many of you will think of more additions.

Symptoms of PAP FEVER:

*Joining Pap lists on the Internet.

*Searching the 'net' for Pap & butterfly 'anything'.

*Making sure your Pap eats better than you do.

*Purchase special kitchen equipment to make Pap food.

*Uncontrollable urge to adopt EVERY Pap you see.

*Talking about your Pap until your friends eyes glaze over.

*Rushing your Pap to the vet when you hear about a Pap specific medical problem.

* Having cardiac arrest when your Pap is behind a bush outside and you can't see them.

*Gets nervous when you have to leave your Pap home for more than an hour.

*An exciting evening is watching a movie with your Pap on your lap.

*Start organizing PapiPlay Days so your Pap will have some playmates.
(Now your friends know for sure you have "gone round the bend".)

*Pap kisses or a tongue in the ear puts a huge smile on your face and melts your heart.

*The "Potato Chip" syndrome hits you at least three times a year.

*Run for a tissue every time you read a sad Pap incident.

*Dials 911 emergency when your Pap 'looks' sorta funny.

*The Emergency Center will no longer answer calls from your phone number.

*Refuse to shop anywhere that won't allow your Pap inside.

*Leave parties early because your Pap is home alone.

*Hate taking any out of town trips if it means leaving your Pap at home.

*Purchase a new car/van to haul around all the necessary Pap paraphernalia.

*Truly believe that your Pap is NOT a canine.

*Wonder why people look at you funny when you carry on a perfectly intelligent conversation with your Pap.

*Sue for full custody of your Pap in a divorce and request Pap support.

*You go to every pet store within a hundred miles for that ONE special Pap present.

*Will order 'take out' food so you can stay home with your Pap.

*Your floor covering is called 'LaPapToys' and you have bruises to prove it.

*Search e-Bay periodically to see what new Pap stuff might be available.

*Re-modeling the house so your Pap is more comfortable.

*Buy a larger bed so you and your Pap have more room to sleep.

*Matching all new clothing to go with Pap hair.

*Spend more money on shampoo and conditioners for your Pap than you do for yourself.

*Buys new furniture to match color of your Pap(s).

*Totally oblivious to Pap fur all over everything including your eyelashes.

*Pap hair is considered natural roughage in your diet.

*Wonder where all your old friends went after you adopted your Pap.

*Make the friends you HAVE LEFT very nervous becuz your motto is 'Love me - love my Pap.

*All small children visitors must be muzzled or crated so they don't hurt the Pap(s).

*Attending the Papillon Nationals is the most exciting trip you can wish for.

*You need to take your computer mouse apart to unwind the Pap fur caught in it.

*You don't adjust your new adjustable bed becuz it scares the Paps.

*Your annual Super Bowl Sunday party becomes a mini PapiPlay Day with Paps stealing the show.

*Search the TV guide for any canine shows that just might have a Pap on it and notify every single person you know of the date, channel and
time.

*Change jobs so you work closer to home and take your lunch break to get some Pap cuddles and kisses.

*Keep trying to figure out how to make a living working at home to be with your Pap 24/7.

 

 

10 Things I LOVE about my Papillon
Danielle P.

1) Sweet good morning kisses when it's time to wake up and face the day. He always knows when it time, and never starts them too early.

2) Our little games of 'boxing' which usually end with me saying "I'm a lover, not a fighter.".. and MORE kisses of course.

3) I love when he lays on the floor, rolls over onto his back, and kicks his legs like a turtle stuck upside down on it's shell. It always
makes me laugh. I've learned that toys are always more fun when you lay on your back! ...

4) ...But the 'funniest' toy just HAS TO BE that wonderful paper cylinder that is stuck in the middle of the potty paper Mommy uses. Now that he's learned Mommy does NOT need help getting to that toy, he waits ever so patiently each time someone goes in that bathroom(s) to see if .THIS will be the time it comes off that holder. It's like winning the lotto every time!

5) The sound of my children's voices when they see him for the first time each morning. They too need their morning kisses to start the day, and he is always willing to oblige.

6) My whole family gets excited when we see Paps on TV or in ads, because we 'understand' how special Papillons really are, and we all appreciate the fact this gift has been shared with us.

7) He is irresistible to look at as he sits in the window, on the ledge next to my desk. He is peaceful and content to watch the birds,
squirrels, cars, and world go by. Watching him sit there is like a living snapshot of something simple and serene that I get to enjoy everyday.

8) Oh the antics we play... racing to Mommy's bed at night just before she gets in it. He always figures that since he beat me to "the spot" that he should get it for the night, right!? ...or... Climbing
into Mommy's lap to show her my "hurt paw" so she will hold me cradled like a little baby and coo and kiss me all over.

9) I love the look of gracefulness and speed as he walks and runs. He is truly beauty in motion, and I am in awe.

10) But mostly. I love that with every bit of love and affection I give to him, he always manages to out do me by giving ME back even more of himself.

Danielle P.
Houston, Texas

 

 

 

A Dog's Diary

5:30am: Started the day as a hero! When the sound of the newspaper hitting the driveway roused me from my deep slumber -- the impact indicating the paper was much heavier than normal -- I realized that no one in the house was yet awake! I roused my master by licking him in the face. He appeared very angry with himself for having overslept,
shouting and waving his arms. His ill temper even seemed directed at me a bit, which is silly since it is I who saved him from being fired.
Funny thing though: He didn't go into work, but spent the morning leafing through the large newspaper and drinking coffee. He seems to do
this once a week, and I don't know why.

7:30am: Invaders! The people who live next door came out into their yard, obviously getting ready to lay siege to our house. Snarling and barking, I let them know in no uncertain terms that I was prepared to tear them from limb to limb it they came any closer, and was able to repel the invasion. This is an almost daily occurrence; you'd think they'd learn. My master added his voice to the fray as well, yelling angrily. I am sure the people couldn't hear him, but it was nice of him
to lend his support.

10:00am: I was forced to move, as the patch of sun in which I was lying had, for some reason, slid over a few feet. It's not easy being a dog.

1:00pm: I have the most thoughtful master in the world! While it's true he left me alone in the house for several hours, he did set out a treat
for me on the kitchen counter. It was even gift-wrapped, a courtesy I wish he'd skipped, since it led to me having a lot of plastic in my
teeth. The roast was delicious, though frozen in the center. I don't want to seem ungrateful, but crunching through two inches of rock-hard
beef is hardly my idea of a delicacy.

2:00pm: Most unpleasant experience when my master returned home and was furious that I had not eaten the plastic wrap which had been covering my present. He kept pointing at the small pieces of Styrofoam and other debris and raving in a most irrational fashion. I'm sorry, but he
should know that I can't eat that stuff; it makes my stomach upset. When he began rolling up a newspaper I realized he'd lost all reason and
bolted for the front door, which was fortunately open just a crack.

4:00pm: Spent the afternoon with the girls. A most productive day; I was able to mark territory for two blocks. "Drip 'til you drop" is our motto. We had a small snack at an outdoor cafe we like, with meat
scraps and bread served out of circular containers with easily displaced lids. Ran into that rogue Sebastian, who lifted his leg with irritating
nonchalance -- does he think I don't know about his obsession with Muffy, that snotty schnauzer from down the road? Last month there
wasn't a male in the neighborhood who couldn't be found outside her fence, and Sebastian was at the head of the pack. I let him know I want nothing more to do with him.

5:00pm: What a treat! On the way home a flock of ravens drew my attention to a squirrel that had been flattened by an automobile. After several days in the sun, the aroma was so delicious it made my nose quiver. I rolled in the wondrous fragrance for several minutes, and when I stood up I positively radiated eau de roadkill. Let Sebastian
drool over Muffy -- he doesn't know what he's missing.

6:00pm: Of all the times to get a bath! My master, still in a foul mood, made me stand outside in the chill air while he shampooed and rinsed me several times. Every time I shook the water from my fur he, too, became drenched, and in the end he was shivering. Why in the world does he do stuff like this?

9:00pm: Time to sleep, though I am not allowed on the bed whenever anyone's home. Ah, the life of a dog.

 

 

More EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY

8:00 am - OH BOY!DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY!A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY!A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY!A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY!DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY!THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY!THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 pm - ooooooo.bath. bummer.
4:00 pm - OH BOY!THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 pm - OH BOY!DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 pm - OH BOY!MOM! MY FAVORITE!

 

CAT  DIARY:

Day 983 of my captivity.  

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and  dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike  fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable  of. However, they merely made  condescending comments about what a 'good  little hunter' I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could  hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was  due to the power of  'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and how to  use it to my  advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try  this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I  am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and
seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My
captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe..... for now...  


DOGS LETTERS TO GOD 

 Dear God,
More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God,
When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?

Dear God,
Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God,
Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog:
I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they are tasty, they are not food.
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom's and Dad's laps.
The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.
I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying 'hello.'
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
I will not throw up in the car.
I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.
The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

 

MORE DEAR GOD FROM THE DOG

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it going to be the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named
for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the Chrysler
Beagle'?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog:

I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just
because I like the way they smell.

The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.

I will not throw up in the car.

I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my rear end across the floor.

The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.


Dear God,
May I have my testicles back?

 


How to give a pill to a cat and a dog

CAT:

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holdinga baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's
mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As the cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head
firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and vigorously rub cat's throat.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make a note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood
from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.
Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of your last tetanus jab.
Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot.
Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve the friggin' cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13) Tie the little @#!*#^~!'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty Pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

DOG:

1) Wrap it in cheese.

 

One More Dog  

One Dog Is Not Trouble And Two Are So Funny
The Third One Is Easy, The Fourth One's A Honey

The Fifth Is Delightful, The Sixth One's A Breeze
You Find You Can Live With A Housefly With Ease

So How 'Bout Another?
Would You Really Dare?
They're Really Quite Easy
But Oh Lord, The Hair!

With Dogs On The Sofa And Dogs On The Bed
And Crates In The Kitchen, Its No Bother You Said

They're Really No Trouble, Their Manners Are Great
What's Just One More Dog And One More Little Crate?

The Sofa Is Hairy
The Windows Are Crusty
T he Floor Is All Footprints
The Furniture's Dusty

The Housekeeping Suffers But What Do You Care?
Who Minds A Few Noseprints And A Little More Hair?

So Let's Keep A Puppy, You Can Always Find Room
And A Little More Time For The Dust Cloth And Broom

There's Hardly A Limit To The Dogs You Can Add
The Thought Of A Cutback Sure Makes You Feel Sad

Each One Is Special, So Useful, So Funny
The Food Bill Grows Larger, You Owe The Vet Money

Your Folks Never Visit, Few Friends Come To Stay
Except Other Dog Folks Who Live The Same Way

Your Lawn Has Now Died And Our Shrubs Are Dead Too
Your Weekends Are Busy, Your Off With Your Crew

There's Dog Food And Vitamins, Training And Shots
And Entries And Travel And Motels Which Cost Lots

Is It Worth It You Wonder?
Are You Caught In A Trap?
Then That Favorite Comes Up And Climbs In Your Lap

His Look Says You're Special And You Know That You Will Keep All The Critters In Spite Of The Bill

Some Just For Showing And Some Just To Breed
And Some Just For Loving, They All Fill A Need

Winter Is A Hassle But The Dogs Love It True
And They Must Have Their Walks Tho' You Are Numb And  Blue
Late Evening Is Awful, You Scream And You Shout
At The Dogs On The Sofa Who Refuse To Go Out

The Dogs And The Dog Shows, The Travel, The Thrills

The Work And The Worry, The Pressure, The Bills

The Whole Thing Seems Worth It, The Dogs Are Your  Life
They're Charming And Funny And Offset The Strife

Your Lifestyle Has Changed, Things Just Won't Be The Same
Yes Those Dogs Are Addictive And So's The Dog Game!


The Official Dog Enthusiast's DON'T List

 

  DON'T let your dog sleep in your bed. It will cause aggression problems down the road.
  DON'T make your dog sleep in a crate. Crate is just another word for small cage.
  DON'T let your dog sleep outside at night. If God had wanted dogs to sleep outside, he would have covered their body with hair to keep them warm.
  DON'T let your dog sleep. You should be playing with him all the time.
  DON'T keep more than two dogs. Each individual dog requires considerable time and energy, and it is impossible for a responsible dog owner to spend
quality time with more than two dogs.
  DON'T keep less than five dogs. Dogs are pack animals, and five dogs is the minimum number for proper socialization.
  DON'T feed your dog kibble. Kibble is the invention of evil capitalists who want your money, and kibble has no nutritional value whatsoever. You might as well feed your dog sawdust.
  DON'T cook your dog's meat or chicken. Cooking destroys all the nutrients.
  DON'T feed your dog raw meat or raw chicken. Raw food contains salmonella, e-coli, and other harmful bacteria.
  DON'T let your dog drink out of a plastic bowl. It will turn his nose pink.
  DON'T post messages to a dog list. You will surely get bopped on the head for thinking that someone else cares about your silly little opinions.
  DON'T poke your eye with a sharp stick. It has nothing to do with dogs, but it's a good rule nonetheless.
  DON'T microchip your dog. A nearby cell phone can cause a microchipped dog to explode, or so says the lady running the tattoo booth.
  DON'T tattoo your dog on the ear. A dog thief will cut off the tattooed ear.
  DON'T tattoo your dog on the thigh. He'll be a tripod before you can say Ginsu.
  DON'T keep a collar on your dog when unattended. He could get caught on something and choke.
  DON'T leave your dog unattended without a collar. He could run away without any identification.
  DON'T transport your dog in a plastic crate. Plastic crates don't allow sufficient air flow.
  DON'T transport your dog in a wire crate. In a car accident, a wire crate transforms into a doggie skewer. On days you plan to have a car accident, it's acceptable to use a plastic crate.
  DON'T let your dog drive. It's against the law in many states.
  DON'T enter your dog in conformation. It's b-o-r-i-n-g for the dog.
  DON'T enter your dog in obedience. It's B-o-r-i-n-g with a capital "B."
  DON'T enter your dog in agility. The jumps will injure his joints.
  DON'T send your dog out with a handler. Only a psychopath would send their beloved pet with a complete stranger.
  DON'T handle your dog yourself. You've got a great dog, and he deserves a much better handler than you will ever be.
  DON'T get a purebred dog. Too much inbreeding has produced dogs with temperament and health problems.
  DON'T get a mutt. You don't know anything about their pedigree. In fact, if you're thinking about getting a dog, get a cat instead.
  DON'T don't. That's right, you heard me, just don't!
  DON'T leave your dog's dewclaws intact. He will rip one off jumping a log or something, which is quite painful.
  DON'T remove your dog's dewclaws. Dewclaws are acupuncture points that are needed for proper functioning of the kidneys.
  AND, the #1 DON'T ....
  DON'T trim your dog's whiskers. Dogs use their whiskers to determine the size of their head, which is important when they are out shopping for a new
hat.

 

 

Bed Sharing Rules
 
 
The Rules for Sleeping with Dogs.

I will address myself mostly to the rules for sleeping with two dogs. For the few who have already mastered this technique, I will later add a cat, although I urge beginners to leave the cat out.

To achieve any sort of success, certain arbitrary conditions must be assumed, the first one being that you must have a king-sized bed. There is no point in lying down in anything smaller. While the size of the breed of dog is not important (people who sleep with dogs know that before the night is over everybody collects into a pile), the condition of the dogs may be. Very thin dogs, for example, are lumpier.

I have selected the two-dog minimum because, as we shall see, it is the only way to stay in bed at all. The key word here is LEVERAGE. All dogs spend the night pressed tightly against their human bedfellows, but no two dogs ever sleep on the same side. This is, in part, an expression of the "Let Sleeping Dogs Lie" principle". It is also to create leverage.

Because the human being is always in the middle, held tightly in place by the dogs and by his blanket (which the dogs are sleeping on top of), restlessness and recurring cramps are difficult to handle. Here is the tip: When you first lie down, AND BEFORE THE DOGS SETTLE AGAINST EACH SIDE OF YOU, spread your legs three inches apart. Stiffen and hold out NO MATTER  HOW GREAT THE PRESSURE! When the time comes to turn over, bring the legs together quickly under the now slightly slackened blanket and revolve BEFORE THE DOGS WAKE UP. As soon as you have assumed a new position, allow for those crucial three inches again; otherwise, you're a mummy for the rest of the night.

NEVER SPREAD THE LEGS MORE THAN THREE INCHES. A dog's favorite place to sleep is in the hollow created by legs too widely spread, and once settled, he and  you are frozen into position until morning. (There is a way out of this trap, but it is difficult to describe without slides). Dogs who prefer to sleep on their backs MUST BE GIVEN SPACE THREE TIMES THE HEIGHT OF THE DOG AT THE SHOULDER. Dogs who like pillows may be accommodated if you sleep on your side  with the legs scissored so that each dog has an ankle for a chin rest. Above all, BEWARE OF CURLING! When the curl is reversed, both dogs are dislocated, resulting in low growls on both sides of you.

When you are ready to add a cat, position is all important. All cats prefer to sleep in hollows, but NO CAT WILL SLEEP ON THE SAME SIDE AS A DOG.  (Remember, you have only two sides). YOU MUST THEREFORE BECOME A TRIANGLE!  Do this by assuming a horizontal diver's crouch, thereby creating not only three more-or less  exclusive sides but two hollows as well. With one dog at your front, and the other against your back, the cat can curl into the hollow at the back of your bent knees, separated from both dogs. All will then sleep soundly.

This entire technique still needs a lot of refinement. A method that deals with early morning scratching needs to be developed, and the problem of pretending to sleep while being closely scrutinized by various animals needs to be solved."

Author Unknown


 

I AM A DOGAHOLIC

Good Afternoon.  I am a DOGAHOLIC.  I would like to welcome all of you to this month's meeting of "Dogaholics Anonymous".  Some of you are here tonight because a friend or relative brought you.  You may be sitting here thinking that you are OK, and that you really don't need any help.

      It is not easy to admit that you are a Dogaholic, and it is even harder to bring yourself to a DA meeting for help.  DA is here to assist you. I have some questions to ask.  If you can answer YES to three or more of the following questions, you have come to the right place.

      * Can you say "BITCH" in public without blushing?

      * Do you drive a station wagon, van, RV or 4x4 when everyone else drives a real car?

      * Do you have more than one car?  One for you, and one for the dogs?

      * Do you spend your vacations and holidays going to shows, specialties, and seminars, when everyone else goes on a cruise?

      * If you do go overseas, is it London in March to attend Crufts,or Finland in June to attend the World Dog Show?

      * Do you discuss things at the dinner table that would make most doctors leave in disgust?

      * Do you consider formal wear to be clean jeans, and freshly washed tennis shoes?

      * Is your interior decorator R.C. Steele?

      * Was your furniture and carpets chosen to match your dogs?

      * Are your end tables really dog crates with tablecloths thrown over them?

      * Do you know the meaning of CD, CDX, UD, UDX, TD, TDX, HIC, JH, SH, MH, OTCH, CH, AJ, AJX, MACH, FD, VST, FTCH, WC, FC, OAJ, NGDC  and  AFC?

      * Is your mail made up primarily of dog catalogs, dog magazines, show photos and premium lists?

      * Do you get up before dawn to go to training classes, dog shows and seminars...but have trouble getting up for work?

      * If you have dresses, do they all have pockets? Do those pockets often contain freeze-dried liver, Rollover, clickers, or squeaky toys?

      * When you meet a new person, do you always ask them what kind of dog they have... and do you pity them if they don't have one?

      * Do you remember the name of their dog before you remember their name?

      * Do you find non-dog people boring?

      If you answered YES to one of the above, there is still hope.  If you answered YES to two of the above, you are in serious trouble.

      If you answered YES to three or more, you have come to the right place.

      My advice to all of you with three or more YES answers is to sit back and smile, turn to the smiling person next to you, and know that your life will always be filled with good friends, good dogs, and it will NEVER be boring!



HOW TO MEDICATE YOUR CAT and Dog

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of
cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in
right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to
close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in
left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear
paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of
mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.
Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees; hold front and
rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head
firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill
down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap.
Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep
shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for
gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force
mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans; drink one beer
to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove
blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another
beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave head
showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat
with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply
cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus
shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another
shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the
road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to
avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little ******'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine
and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning
gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of
filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints
of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm
and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way
home to order new table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local
pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

 
HOW TO MEDICATE YOUR DOG:

1. Wrap pill in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air.


 

MY DOGS LIVE HERE

My dogs live here, they're here to stay.
you don't like pets, be on your way.
they share my home, my food, my space
this is their home, this is their place.

You will find dog hair on the floor,
they will alert you're at the door.
they may request a little pat,
a simple "no" will settle that.

  It gripes me when I hear you say
"just how is it you live this way?
they smell, they shed, they're in the way.."
WHO ASKED YOU? is all I can say..

They love me more than anyone,
my voice is like the rising sun,
they merely have to hear me say
"C'mon girls, time to go and play"

then tails wag and faces grin,
they bounce and hop and make a din.
They never say "no time for you",
they're always there, to GO and DO.

and if I'm sad? They're by my side
and if I'm mad? they circle wide
and if I laugh, they laugh with me
they understand, they always see.

so once again, I say to you
come visit me, but know this too..

My dogs live here, they're here to stay.
you don't like pets, be on your way.
they share my home, my food, my space
this is their home, this is their place..
  ------------ Author Unknown

 

 

Ten Pet Peeves that Dogs Have About Humans

  

1. Blaming your gas attacks on me...

not funny... not funny at all !!!

2. Yelling at me for barking..

I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT!

3. Taking me for a walk,

then not letting me check stuff out.

Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

 4. Any trick that involves

balancing food on my nose...

stop it!

5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons.
Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.

  6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw.

You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo

what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

 

7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip",

then acting surprised when I freak out

every time we go back!

  8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

  9.Dog sweaters.

Hello ???, Haven't you noticed the fur?

10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself.

Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.

 

Now lay off me on some of these things,

We both know who's boss here!!!  

You don't see me picking up your poop

do you ???

The Life of a Puppy

This morning, I woke up & kissed my dad's head.
I peed on the carpet, then went back to bed.
"The life of a puppy, oh my, this is great."
Then I thought about breakfast," I hope it's not late."
Mom took me outside, we walked for a while.
This never fails to make Mama smile.
I sniffed of everything, that we did pass,
I ate something weird - it gave me gas.
I'm sure God loves me, I know that is true.
He gave me so many great things to chew.
Rugs, plants or rocks, I really don't care.
What I truly like best, is Dad's underwear.
That obedience book, was sort of yummy.
Though it didn't sit well on my poor puppy tummy.
I threw up a bit, but that was all right,
When Mom found it later, I was well out of sight.
I made streamers of T. P., while running at full speed.
Mom is pretty quick -- but I was still in the lead.
I flew under the bed, and Mom flew past,
She stopped-shook her head, and breathed,
"You're too fast."
Mama later phoned Daddy, and said, "It was frightening!"
That afternoon, she was sure I'd pooped lightning.
She'd sat at the computer, while I chewed the cord,
She thought I was mad, but I was just bored.
When Mama had enough, couldn't take anymore,
That's when my tushy got shoved out the door.
I love it inside, but outside is best.
Lay in the cool grass, and had a good rest.
That didn't last long, there was too much to do--
Can't quite remember where I hid Daddy's shoe.
I found an old bone, and scratched at a flea,
I watched the dumb squirrels as they jumped in a tree.
I barked at the kids, when they got off the bus.
I can't figure out why this makes Mama fuss.
I barked at the neighbor, I barked at the wind.
I barked and barked, till Mom yelled, "COME IN."
The sun dipped in the west-soon Daddy would come!
I sure love my daddy: we always have fun.
I barked at my daddy, then turned on my charms,
I woo-wooed, "Hello," then jumped in his arms.
Sitting under the table -- it's sooo hard to wait.
Daddy slipped me a goodie right off his plate.
I raced through the house, and scattered my toys,
Ricocheted off the furniture, and made lots of noise.
Mom found her purse - the one I abused.
Daddy let loose a chuckle. Mom asked "Amused??"
I cowered down low, I must be in trouble.
Dad said, "Wasn't MY boy, it must be his double!"
Mom turned off the TV, and said,"Time for bed."
Dad said "Let's go boy," and patted my head.
I got in my spot, between Mom and Dad,
I thought 'bout my day and what fun I had.
Mama kicked out my bone from the covers below,
Then let loose a sigh -- a sigh deep and low.
She gave me a kiss, and snuggled me tight,
And whispered so softly, 'My darling goodnight'.
Unknown

 

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door, at pet nose height .

Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.  Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the
slightest

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object.  Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed.  I am very sorry about this.  Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort  Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.  It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.  I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom.  If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine,   meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open.  I must exit through the same door I entered.  Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

 

To All  Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here.  You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it "fur"niture.
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, they are an animal.  To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak
clearly.

 

 

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1.   Eat less
2.   Don't ask for money all the time
3.   Are easier to train
4.   Usually come when called
5.   Never drive your car
6   Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7.   Don't smoke or drink
8.   Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions
9.   Don't wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and
11. If they get pregnant, you can *sell their children.*

Christmas from the dog's veiwpoint

And so it begins.......

It begins... A dead tree, normally fair game for marking, is dragged into
the living room. Ornaments resembling dainty dog toys are sprinkled over the
branches but you can't mark or mouth anything!
The people are fiercely protective of this oddity.
It is even strung with warning lights.
The doggies huddle and discuss the matter.
The oldest explains this seasonal madness to the youngster.
"The people have gone mad - it will pass. Give it three weeks".
Soon, tons of food begin to fill the house - none of it for dogs!
Next, huge overstuffed bags and boxes appear and are crammed into closets
with no ceremony at all.
The dogs have seen squirrels hoard in this way, but they are worried.
When your people begin to act like squirrels no good can come of it.
Then strange objects appear - candles, odd dolls with pointed hats and
beards.
Worst of all, everything sports a ribbon around its neck.
The dogs suspect that doggies will be the next thing festooned.
The bags are hauled from the closets and everything is covered with inedible
paper and, yes, more ribbon.
Then the whole mess is arranged under the tree corpse and the dogs are
warned that any urine will be sternly dealt with.
One of the socks hung on the wall begins to smell like dog toys and pricey
dog treats.
Trussed up in nasty holiday sweaters with bows chafing at their necks and
pride,the dogs huddle once again.
"There is more", the elder says. "Children come." (Our home is normally a
"child-free" zone - safe for other living things).
Sure enough, human puppies spill out of cars to tear open all the packages
the dogs were forbidden to touch.
Then they turn their attention toward the dogs.
The old dog braces for the assault.
The pup tries to make a break and finds that children, puppies that they
are,love a moving target.
Finally everyone eats and the pup discovers what the elder dog has known for
over a decade.
Sit by the kids, they drop food.
Plus, in a pinch, you can take food from them quite easily.
They're always running around with something they don't really need clutched
in their tiny, dog level, hands.
A sip of punch, a cookie, a cracker, some cheese, teething biscuits, milk
from a baby bottle, a candy cane - it's a doggie bonanza for a clever thief.
Sometimes they'll even give you stuff.
All in all, it's worth the overzealous hugs and minor atrocities.
Eventually, the children, the presents, and (alas) the food, have all gone
away.
The dogs eye that fat sock on the wall - the one with all the tantalizing
smells.
Sure enough, their people begin dividing up the treats:
a bone, a ball, peanut butter dog biscuits, toys with the squeakers intact,
stuffed animals not yet disemboweled.
The madness has brought some joy after all!
In an hour exhausted dogs will settle on the couch to watch movies even they
have seen before.
As the dogs finally pass out, their people begin gently picking bits of
candy cane from their fur.

The earth is spinning slowly again.

A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!

 

 

“The Dogs Fiasco”

The dogs once held a meeting
they came from near and far
Some came on push bikes
others came by car

Once inside the meeting place
before they’d had a look each
They had to take their arseholes off
and hang them on a hook

Once inside the meeting hall
each mother son and sire
But barely were they seated
when some barstard yelled out FIRE

They all rushed out in such a pack
they had no time to look
They had to take an arsehole
from off the nearest hook

They got their arseholes all mixed up
which made them rather sore
To think they had a different arse
to the one they had before

And that’s why to this day you will see
a dog will leave a tasty bone
To go and smell another arse
in hopes to find his own

 

Talking Dog!!

A guy is driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he sees a sign
in front of a broken down shanty-style house: "Talking Dog For Sale." He
rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador
retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says
"So, what's your story?"
The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I
was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In
no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in
rooms with spies and world leaders; because no one figured a dog would
be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years
running."
"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting
any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the
airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious
characters and listening in."
"I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.
I got married, She had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
 
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he
wants for the dog.
"Ten dollars," the guy says.
"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so
cheap?"
"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that crap!"


 

 

Puppy Size

This is one of the neatest stories you will ever hear. You
will know Precisely what this little girl is talking about at
the end (you'll Want to share this one with your loved ones
and special friends)!

'Danielle keeps repeating it over and over again. We've been
back to This animal shelter at least five times. It has been
weeks now since We started all of this,' the mother told
the volunteer.

'What is it she keeps asking for?' the volunteer asked.

'Puppy size!' replied the mother..

'Well, we have plenty of puppies, if that's what she's looking
for.'

'I know... We have seen most of them, ' the mom said in
frustration...

Just then Danielle came walking into the office

'Well, did you find one?' asked her mom. 'No, not this time,'

Danielle said with sadness in her voice. 'Can we come back on the Weekend?'

The two women looked at each other, shook their heads and
laughed. 'You never know when we will get more dogs.
Unfortunately, there's Always a supply,' the volunteer said.

Danielle took her mother by the hand and headed to the door.
'Don't Worry, I'll find one this weekend,' she said.

Over the next few days both Mom and Dad had long conversations with her. They both felt she was being too particular. 'It's this weekend or We're not looking any more,' Dad finally said in frustration.

'We don't want to hear anything more about puppy size, either,' Mom added.

Sure enough, they were the first ones in the shelter on Saturday Morning. By now Danielle knew her way around, so she ran right  for the Section that housed the smaller dogs.

Tired of the routine, mom sat in the small waiting room at the
end of The first row of cages. There was an observation
window so you could See the animals during times when
visitors weren't permitted.

Danielle walked slowly from cage to cage, kneeling periodically to Take a closer look. One by one the dogs were brought out and she held each one. One by one she said, 'Sorry, but you're not the one.'

It was the last cage on this last day in search of the perfect
pup.

The volunteer opened the cage door and the child carefully picked up The dog and held it closely. This time she took a little longer.

'Mom, that's it! I found the right puppy! He's the one! I know
it!'

She screamed with joy. 'It's the puppy size!'


'But it's the same size as all the other puppies you held over
the Last few weeks,' Mom said.

'No not size... The sighs. When I held him in my arms, he
sighed,' she said. 'Don't you remember? When I asked you
one day what love is, you told me love depends on the sighs of your heart. The more you love, the bigger the sigh!'

The two women looked at each other for a moment. Mom didn't know Whether to laugh or cry. As she stooped down to hug the child, she did A little of both.

'Mom, every time you hold me, I sigh. When you and Daddy
come home From work and hug each other, you both sigh. I
knew I would find the Right puppy if it sighed when I held it
in my arms,' she said.

Then, holding the puppy up close to her face, she said, 'Mom,
he loves Me. I heard the sighs of his heart!'

Close your eyes for a moment and think about the love
that makes you sigh. I not only find it in the arms of my
loved ones, but in the caress of a sunset, the kiss of the
moonlight and the gentle brush of cool air on a hot day.

They are the sighs of God. Take the time to stop and listen;
you will be surprised at what you hear. 'Life is not measured
by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.'




Hope your life is filled with Sighs!!!

 

IF I DIDN'T HAVE DOGS


I could walk around the yard barefoot in safety. My house could be carpeted instead of tiled and laminated.  All flat surfaces, clothing, furniture, and cars would be free of hair. When the doorbell rings, it wouldn't sound like a kennel.
*
If I Didn't Have Dogs...*


When the doorbell rings, I could get to the door without wading through fuzzy bodies who beat me there. I could sit on the couch and my bed the way I wanted, without taking into consideration how much space several furry bodies would need to get comfortable.
I would have money.....and no guilt to go on a real vacation. I would not be on a first-name basis with 6 veterinarians, as I put their yet unborn grandkids through college.

*
If I Didn't Have Dogs...*

The most used words in my vocabulary would not be: out, sit,
down, come, no, stay, and leave him/her/it ALONE. My house
would not be cordoned off into zones with baby gates or
barriers. My house would not look like a day care center,
toys everywhere. My pockets would not contain things
like poop bags, treats and an extra leash.

 

*
If I Didn't Have Dogs...*

I would no longer have to spell the words B-A-L-L, F-R-I-S-B-E- E, W-A-L-K, T-R-E-A-T, B-I-K-E, G-O, R-I-D-E  I would not have as many leaves INSIDE my house as outside. I would not look strangely at people who think having ONE dog/cat ties them down too much.
I'd look forward to spring and the rainy season instead of dreading 'mud' season.

 

*
If I Didn't Have Dogs...*

I would not have to answer the question 'Why do you have so many animals?' from people who will never have the joy in their lives of knowing they are loved unconditionally by someone as close to an angel as they will ever get.  Remember, D-O-G spelled backwards is G-O-D!

*

How EMPTY my life would be!*



 

 


   To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose
    height.     Version # 2

    Dear Dogs and Cats,

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain
    your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my
    food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle
    of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it
    becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that
    aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

    The stairway was not designed by NASCAR    and is not a
    racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object.
    Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than
    you can run.

    I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I
    am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue
    sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and
    cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.
    It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each
    other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I
    also know that sticking tails straight out and having
    tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is
    nothing but sarcasm.

    For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the
    bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and
    manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to
    claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your
    paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I
    must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I
    have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or
    feline attendance is not required.

    The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other
    dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

    To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the
    following message on our front door:

    To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain
    About Our Pets:

    1. They live here. You don't.
    2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay
    off the furniture. (That's why they call it
    "fur"nature.)
    3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most
    people!
    4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted
    son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours
    and doesn't speak clearly.

    Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than
    kids because they:
    1. Eat less
    2. Don't ask for money all the time
    3  Are easier to train
    4. Normally come when called
    5. Never ask to drive the car
    6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
    7. Don't smoke or drink
    8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
    9. Don't want to wear your clothes

 

        10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.

    And finally,

    11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.


 

 

A HAPPY DOG'S BEDTIME PRAYER

Now I lay me down to sleep,
The queen-size bed is soft and deep.
I sleep right in the center groove,
My human being can hardly move.

I've trapped her legs, she's tucked in tight,
and here is where I pass the night.
No one disturbs or dares intrude,
Til morning comes and I want food.

I sneak up slowly...it begins,
Nibbles on my human's chin.
she wakes up slowly, smiles and shouts,
"You darling beast!  Just cut it out!"

But morning's here, its time to play,
I always seem to get my way.
So thank you for giving me,
this human person that I see
The one who holds me oh so tight
and shares her bed with me at night!

 

Why a Dog is Better Than a Man

 

A dog doesn't feel threatened by your intelligence.

A dog is already in touch with his inner puppy.

A dog is very direct about wanting to go out.

A dog thinks you're a culinary genius.

You can house-train a dog.

A dog feels guilt when he's done something wrong.

Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.

A dog means it when he kisses you.

A dog doesn't care whether or not you shave your legs.

A dog obsesses about you as much as you obsess about him.


 

Why a Dog is Better Than a Woman

A dog's parents will never visit you.

A dog loves you even when you leave your clothes on the floor.

A dog limits its time in the bathroom to a quick drink.

A dog never expects you to telephone.

A dog will not get mad at you if you forget its birthday.

A dog does not care about the previous dogs in your life.

A dog does not get mad at you if you pet another dog.

A dog never expects flowers on Valentine's Day.

The later you are, the happier a dog is to see you.

And the number one reason why a dog is better than a woman:

A dog does not shop!

Adapted from www.thepuppyplace.org

 

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY. FOR THOSE THAT DON'T, IT IS A TRUE STORY. 
 

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however.. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:



TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:


(1) They live here. You don't. 
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture. 
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. 
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.


Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
 
(1) eat less, 
(2) don't ask for money all the time, 
(3) are easier to train, 
(4) normally come when called, 
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't smoke or drink, 
(7) don't want to wear your clothes, 
(8) don't have to buy the latest fashions, 
(9) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and 
(10) 
if they get pregnant, you can sell their children ...

My Dog
 
 My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day.  He has his food prepared for him.  He can eat whenever he wants, 24/7/365.  His meals are provided at no cost to him.  He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise.  For this He pays nothing, and nothing is required of him.   He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but  He is not required to do any upkeep.  If He makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.  He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.  He receives these accommodations absolutely free.  He is living like a king, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.  All of his costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.  I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, 
Holy Shit, my dog is a Wall Street banker!
 
 
 I Didn't Have a Dog... or Cat......
I could walk around the yard barefoot in safety.
 
My house could be carpeted instead of tiled and laminated.
All flat surfaces, clothing, furniture, and cars would be free of hair.
 

When the doorbell rings, it wouldn't sound like a kennel.
 

When the doorbell rings, I could get to the door without wading through fuzzy bodies who beat me there.

I could sit on the couch and my bed the way I wanted, with out taking into consideration how much space several fur bodies would need to get comfortable.
 
I would have money, and no guilt to go on a real vacation.
I would not be on a first-name basis with 6 veterinarians,as I put their yet unborn grandkids through college.
 
 
The most used words in my vocabulary would not be: out, sit, down, come, no, stay, and leave it ALONE.
My house would not be cordoned off into zones with baby gates or barriers.
 
 
I would not talk 'baby talk'. 'Eat your din din'. 'Yummy yummy for the tummy'..
My house would not look like a day care center, toys everywhere.
 
 
My pockets would not contain things like poop bags, treats and an extra leash.
 

I would no longer have to spell the words B-A-L-L, W-A-L-K, T-R-E-A-T, O-U-T, G-O, R-I-D-E, C-O-O-K-I-E
 

I would not have as many leaves INSIDE my house as outside.
 
 
I would not look strangely at people who think having ONE dog/cat ties them down too much.
 
 
I'd look forward to spring and the rainy season instead of dreading 'mud' season.
 
I would not have to answer the question 'Why do you have so many animals?' from people who will never have the joy in their lives of knowing they are loved unconditionally by someone as close to an angel as they will ever get.
How EMPTY my life would be!!!

 

 
 A Doggy Wonderland
 

Dog tags ring, are you listenin'? 

In the lane, snow is glistenin'. 

It's yellow, NOT white - I've been there tonight, 

Marking up my winter wonderland. 



Smell that tree? That's my fragrance. 

It's a sign for wand'ring vagrants; 

"Avoid where I pee, it's MY pro-per-ty! 

Marked up as my winter wonderland." 

In the meadow dad will build a snowman, 

following the classical design. 

Then I'll lift my leg and let it go Man, 

So all the world will know it's 

mine-mine-mine! 

Straight from me to the fencepost, 

flows my natural incense boast; 

"Stay off of my TURF, this small piece of earth, 

I mark it as my winter wonderland !!
 


Dogs Are Like Toddlers

 
Written by
Karen Orloff
For the Poughkeepsie Journal

In the almost six years that we’ve had Bailey, I’ve learned a few things.

The biggest revelation is that a dog is exactly like a toddler who never grows up. I swear some days that Bailey is just a human kid stuck in a dog’s body. Here is my proof:

She gets jealous when we show affection to anyone else or to each other.

She hates baths and haircuts.

She has her favorite toys, and will bring them over to us to play. (Of course, she also loves getting new toys.)

She gets excited at the mere mention of the word “treat.”

She likes to try to catch bugs, and gets frustrated when she can’t do it.

She starts shaking when she knows she is going to the doctor.

Her favorite time is when daddy comes home.

She enjoys going for rides (except to the vet, of course).

She has a limited vocabulary, but knows phrases like “Go get your toy” and “No more!”

She gives us blank stares when we ask, “Did you eat the cookies that I was saving for company?”

She sometimes wants to be carried, rather than having to walk up the stairs.

She has “selective” listening, especially if she’s playing outside and we call her to come in.

She is a picky eater.

She loves getting dirty.

She looks for our approval when she is eating all the food in her dish. (Good dog!)

She’s awfully messy when she eats Cheerios (we find them all over the floor).

She likes shiny things.

She rips up newspaper for no particular reason.

She’s afraid of thunder and lightning.

She has been known to have a “temper tantrum” when she doesn’t get her way (and her bark is just as loud as a toddler’s scream).

She likes to chew on things.

It took a while for her to be “potty” trained.

She’s extremely proud of herself when she does something difficult.

She likes being tickled.

She loves prancing and playing in the snow.

She’s scared of the “big kid” (aka the 100-pound mastiff) two doors down.

She’s cute as the dickens.

She doesn’t like wearing fancy outfits; in fact, she prefers running around naked.

And last but not least ... she loves her mommy and daddy!


 
 
 

Non Humor

 

A STORY FROM FLORIDA: THE DOG WHO ATE CHRISTMAS


 
Our dog recently ate 7 ounces of Baker's chocolate and a half-ounce   of  gourmet ground coffee and swallowed a marble, to boot.  None of these   things  is part of recommended canine diet. Chocolate is toxic to dogs - a 1-  ounce  square of Baker's chocolate can kill a 10-pound dog, and it's a   wonder 7  ounces didn't do in our 15-pound dachshund. Coffee holds the same   dangers.

The whys and wherefores of this accident are irrelevant. Everyone   feels  badly enough already. The upshot of the whole thing is that the vet 
bills  totaled more than $1,200. Coming on the heels of a rough year and a   recent  layoff, our little dog effectively ate Christmas. On the way home 
from the  vet with our pooch, groggy and sore after surgery to remove the   offending  blue marble, we joked gently about all the things that $1,200 could 
 buy. 

"Dexter ate a 24-inch flat screen LCD TV," my husband said, laughing.  "He ate a lot of video games," my son chimed in.  "He ate a used car," one of my daughters added.
"A very old and very used one," her father started to correct her.   But then  we remembered we'd sold our old car for $300 and agreed that Dexter 
had  eaten the equivalent of four old minivans.

Once home, everyone fawned over our sick little dog without   reproach, glad  he was home and on the mend, the $1,200 and abandoned Christmas gift   ideas  irrelevant. Because, truth be told, we're still in debt to Dexter   for all he's  done for
 us in the last couple of years.

We adopted him as something of   immersion  therapy for our then-10-year-old son, who was suffering from an   increasingly  unreasonable and debilitating fear of dogs. Like many phobias,   cynaphobia,  the medical term for fear of dogs, doesn't require any negative   experiences  to exist. Our son's fears had grown to such proportions he couldn't walk  down the street or ride his bike without heart-racing anxiety on   just seeing  a dog.

When we adopted Dexter from a breed rescue group, he was a year and a half  old, weighed 13 pounds and stood a foot high at the shoulders. Our   daughters  were delighted. Our son wouldn't come out of his room for three   days. He  crawled across the tops of chairs to get to the table to eat and then  crawled back across them to return to his room.

 On the fourth day,   he sat on a  stool and observed the dog, who looked back questioningly with those  irresistible dark brown eyes of his. At the end of  a week, our son was carrying the dog around the house. After a few   weeks,  he was more comfortable with other dogs.

Now, two years later, he   still  doesn't care for large dogs, but he's not fearful and he roams the  neighborhood with a confidence that's carried over to other areas of his  life. He's playing piano, riding horses, doing well in his studies   and  generally a happy-go-lucky kid with a dog.

And that's just what Dexter did for our son. Each person in the family has a special and unique relationship with   the dog . He plays gently and obligingly with our son. With my rambunctious,   outgoing  daughter, he races and wrestles. He leans against my quiet daughter like a  cat, savoring her strokes.

And while originally suspicious of men, Dexter  adores my husband. They play wild games of chase and spend warm,   devoted  moments snoozing.

 I had never owned a dog before and was concerned about how long I   could be  away from home; picking up after the dog in addition to the rest of   the  family, who at least could flush; annual shots; tags and whatever   other dog  ownership issues were bound to occur.

But I found that walks took on   new  meaning with a little dog trotting at my side. An occasionally   bizarre  meaning, as we sometimes stopped every few feet so Dexter could check what  the girls called his "pee mail" at every post and trunk. But I walk   more  briskly and more often now.

 And coming home has never been so rewarding! No one else in the   family  greets me so ecstatically and with such genuine joy. Whether I've   been gone  15 minutes or a day, Dexter is enormously and unapologetically glad   to see  me.

He's a cuddler, shamelessly squeezing between the desk and my   lap while I work, cruising from lap to lap while we watch TV at night. He   won't crawl  into his bed until the last family member is in his or hers, and he   lies curled up beside us until morning, when he starts his equal   opportunity  doting all over again. He has taught us patience, charity and the   value of forgiveness.

He never holds grudges, whether his tail is accidentally  stepped upon, or he's ordered out of the kitchen for being   underfoot. He  certainly didn't like the vet's office during the chocolate   incident. But  when we came to take him home, he clearly didn't associate us with his aches  and pains. Through the haze of drugs after his surgery, he wagged   his tail  vigorously when he saw us.

 Dogs aren't for the shallow and self-absorbed. They're childlike but   without  the growing cognizance and independence of children. We are always   their  heroes; they're always our friends. Even with three children and a  quarter-century marriage, I didn't fully understand unconditional 
love until  Dexter came into our lives. The obligation to live up to such   devotion and
loyalty can be a daunting task and a humbling experience. 

Yes, our dog ate Christmas. But the gifts he's given us are   priceless and  more enduring than anything we could ever put under the tree and   more than  we could ever repay.

Theresa Willingham is an occasional columnist for the North of Tampa  regional edition of the Times.
  2002-2004, St. Petersburg Times

 

God's Pup

I'll lend you for a little while my grandest pup , He said .
For you to love while she's alive , and mourn for when she's dead .

She'll bring her charms to gladden you , and should her stay be brief ,
You'll have treasured memories to bring solace in your grief .

I cannot promise that she'll stay , since all from earth return .
But there are lessons taught on earth I want this pup to learn .

I've looked the wide world over in My search for teachers true .
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes , with trust I selected you .

Now will you give her total love , nor think the labor vain ,
Nor hate Me when I come to take her back again ?

I know you'll give her tenderness . and love will bloom each day .
And for the happiness you've known , forever grateful stay .

But should I come and call for her much sooner than you planned ,
You'll brave the bitter grief that comes , and someday understand.

Author Unknown

 

 


The Pup


In the shimmering, misty morning light,
From nowhere you dart into my sight.
Bubbly, bounding, bouncy flight--
With shinning wings and colors bright.

Man's best friend in miniature,
You are a lovely one for sure.
With flying ears and dancing feet,
Tiny body with face petite.

So I know just what I'll do.
I'll set a special trap for you.
I'll temp you with a doggie bone,
Build a little house for you alone,
And keep you for my very own,
Ladna, prancing Papillon.

In the dreamy, misty moonlight night,
You slip into my mental sight.
Apparition warm and real and caring--
In dreams with you I'm always sharing .

Author Unknown

 

 

 


I'm still here.

I stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peep,
I could see that you were crying. You found it hard to sleep.
I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear,
It's me, I haven't left you. I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here.
I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea,
You were thinking of the many times, your hands reached down to me.
I was with you at the shops today, Your arms were getting sore.
I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more
I was with you at my grave today, you tend it with such care.
I want to reassure you, that I'm not lying there.
I walked with you towards the house, as you fumbled for your key.
I gently put my paw on you, I smiled and said It's me.
You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair.
I tried so hard to let you know, that I was standing there.
It's possible for me to be so near you everyday
To say to you with certainty, I never went away.
You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew....
In the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.
The day is over...I smile and watch you yawning
and say Goodnight, God bless, I'll see you in the morning.
And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,
I'll rush across to greet you and we'll stand side by side
I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see.
Be patient, live your journey out ... then come home to be with me.


Author Unknown

 

 


Sunlight


Sunlight streams through window pane,
unto a spot on the floor...
Then I remember,
it's where you used to lie,
but now you are no more...

Our feet walk down a hall of carpet,
and muted echoes sound...
Then I remember,
it's where your paws
would joyously abound...

A bark is heard along the road
and up beyond the hill,
Then I remember,
it can't be yours....
your golden voice is still...

But I'll take that vacant spot of floor,
and empty muted hall,
lay them with the absent bark,
and unused dish, along the wall...

I'll warp these treasured memories
in a blanket of my love,
and keep them for my loving friend,
until we meet above.

Author Unknown

 

 

 

BEHIND THE KENNEL DOOR :

As a pup I dreamed :

As a pup I dreamed and wondered
What life would hold in store:
For ME, I thought there's something GREAT
Beyond that kennel door.
Out there are needy people
And I have much to give;
Love, and wit, and gentleness,
To help them learn to live.
I'd be someone's protector,
Keep little ones from harm,
Or guide an old man's weary steps,
Or help to run a farm.
I'd run and bark and Jump and Play
With friends along a sandy shore.
I'd roll in meadows thick and green
That lie beyond that kennel door.
I lay here waiting-longing,
As the days and years went by;
My owner kept me fed and brushed,
But inside, let me die.
I do not think of greatness now,
I'm old and filled with pain.
My owner has some ribbons,
But I have lived in vain.
I cannot think of what could have been,
My dreams are filled with hope no more,
Just floor and walls and broken heart
For me behind this kennel door.

Author Unknown

 

 

 

 

The Gate of Heaven

I got to the gate of Heaven yesterday,
After we said good bye.
I began to miss you terribly,
Because I heard you cry.

Suddenly there was an Angel,
And she asked me to enter Heavens gate.
I asked her if I could stay outside and wait,
For someone who'd be late.

I wouldn't make much noise you see,
I wouldn't bark or howl.
I'd only wait here patiently,
And play with my tennis ball.

The Angel said I could stay right here,
And wait for you to come.
Because Heaven just wouldn't be Heaven,
If I went in alone.

So I'll wait here, you take your time,
But keep me in your heart.
Because Heaven just wouldn't be Heaven,
Without you to warm my heart.

Author Unknown

 

Dog

When God had made the earth
and sky, the flowers and trees,
He then made all the animals
and all the birds and bees.
And when His work was finished
not one was quite the same
He said, I'll walk this earth of
mine and give each one a name.
And so He travelled land and sea
and everywhere He went,
A little creature followed Him,
until his strength was spent.
When all were named upon the earth
and in the sky and sea,
The little creature said, Dear Lord,
there's not one left for me.
The Father smiled and softly said,
I've left you to the end.
and called you, DOG, my friend

 

 

FAITHFUL FRIEND


God summoned a beast from the field and he said.....

"I endow you with the instincts uncommon to other beasts: faithfulness,
devotion and understanding surpassing those of man himself.

Lest it impair your understanding, you are denied the power of words...Speak
to your master only with your mind and through honest eyes...

So be silent, and be a friend to man...This shall be your destiny and your
immortality". So spake the Lord

And the dog heard and was content

 


RAINBOW BRIDGE


Just this side of heaven is a place called the Rainbow Bridge. When an
animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to
the Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special
friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water
and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable. All the animals who
had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt
or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our
dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing: they miss
someone very special, someone who was left behind. They all run and play
together, but the day comes when suddenly one stops and looks into the
distance. His bright eyes are intent; his eager body begins to quiver.
Suddenly he breaks from the group, flying over the green grass, faster and
faster.

You have been spotted and when you and your special friend finally meet, you
cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy
kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and
you look once more into those trusting eyes, so long gone from your life,
but never absent from your heart. Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge
together....

Author unknown 

Source: Pet Medicine Chest

 

 

On Butterfly Wings
Ilse Anderson 2004
For Renee on the tragic deaths of her two beloved Papillons

 

A Prince and a Princess
Together they run
In fields and great meadows
In the Land of the sun.

They frolic
They dance
Their feet free of weight
They even do zoomies
Behind Heaven's gate


The Prince looks quite often
Back down at the Earth
His Princess beside him
So bright and alert.

They look at their Kingdom
Now heavy with pain
The heart of their master
Is feeling the same


They wish they could take
All her sorrow away
To make her heart lighter
With each passing day.


They wish she could see them
In God's special place
It would make her smile
And dry tears from her face.

For right here in Heaven
There is no despair
Only peace and contentment
A life without care.


For right here in Heaven
There never is night
The sun never sets
And the fields are so bright.


The meadows are green
Filled with blossoms that sing
And on each little flower
A butterfly wing.

Someday they will send her
A king and a queen
To restore the old kingdom
With laughter again.


A Prince and a Princess
Together they run
In fields and great meadows
Where Life's just begun.

 


Precious Pet Time

I am your dog, and I have a little something I'd like to whisper in your  ear. I know that you humans lead busy lives. Some have to work, some have
children to raise. It always seems like you are running here and there, often much too fast, often never noticing the truly grand things in life.

Look down at me now, while you sit there at your computer. See the way my dark brown eyes look at yours? They are slightly cloudy now. That comes
with age. The gray hairs are beginning to ring my soft muzzle.

You smile at me; I see love in your eyes. What do you see in mine? Do you see a spirit? A soul inside, who loves you as no other could in the world?

A spirit that would forgive all trespasses of prior wrong doing for just a simple moment of your time? That is all I ask.

To slow down, if even for a few minutes to be with me.
So many times you have been saddened by the words you read on that screen, of other of my kind, passing.

Sometimes we die young and oh so quickly, sometimes so suddenly it wrenches your heart out of your throat. Sometimes, we age so slowly before your eyes that you may not even seem to know until the very end, when we look at you
with grizzled muzzles and cataract clouded eyes. Still the love is always there, even when we must take that long sleep, to run free in a distant
land.

I may not be here tomorrow; I may not be here next week. Someday you will shed the water from your eyes, that humans have when deep grief fills
their souls, and you will be angry at yourself that you did not have just "One more day" with me. Because I love you so, your sorrow touches my spirit and grieves me. We have NOW, together.

So come, sit down here next to me on the floor, and look deep into my eyes.
What do you see? If you look hard and deep enough we will talk, you and I, heart to heart.
Come to me not as "alpha" or as "trainer" or even "Mom or Dad," come to me as a living soul and stroke my fur and let us look deep into one another's eyes, and talk.
I may tell you something about the fun of chasing a tennis ball, or I may tell you something profound about myself, or even life in general.
You decided to have me in your life because you wanted a soul to share such things with. Someone very different from you, and here I am.

I am a dog, but I am alive. I feel emotion, I feel physical senses, and I  can revel in the differences of our spirits and souls. I do not think of you as a "Dog on two feet" -- I know what you are.
You are human, in all your quirkiness, and I love you still.

Now, come sit with me, on the floor. Enter my world, and let time slow down if only for 15 minutes. Look deep into my eyes, and whisper to my ears .Speak with your heart, with your joy and I will know your true self. We may not
have tomorrow, and life is oh so very short. --
Love, (on behalf of canines everywhere)

Source: The Whole Team at Pet Medicine Chest

 


.
When I am Old

I shall wear Turquoise and soft gray sweatshirts...
and a bandana over my silver hair...
and I shall spend my Social Security Checks
on Sweet Wine and My Dogs...
and sit in my house on my well-worn chair,
and listen to my dog's breathing.

I will sneak out in the middle of a warm Summer night and take my dogs for a run, if my old bones will allow... and when people come to call,
I will smile and nod as I show them my dogs...
and talk of them and about them...

The Ones so Beloved of the Past
and the Ones so Beloved of Today....

I still will work hard cleaning after them
and mopping and feeding them
and whispering their names in a soft, loving way.
I will wear the gleaming sweat on my throat like a jewel, and I will be an embarrassment to all...
and my family... who have not yet found the peace in being free to have dogs as your Best Friends....

These friends who always wait, at any hour, for your footfall... and eagerly jump to their feet out of a sound sleep, to greet you as if you are a God.

With warm eyes full of adoring love
and hope that you will stay and hug their big, strong necks... and kiss their dear sweet heads... and whisper to them of your love and the
beautiful pleasure of their very special company....

I look in the Mirror... and see I am getting old....
this is the kind of woman I am... and have always been.

Loving dogs is easy, they are part of me,
accept me for who I am, my dogs appreciate my presence in their lives... when I am old this will be important to me... you will understand when you are old.... and if you have dogs to love too.

Author Unknown


 

The Last Will & Testament of an Extremely Loved Dog

I, Silverdene Emblem O'Neill (familiarly known to my family, friends, acquaintances as Blemie), because the burden of my years and infirmities
is heavy upon me, and I realize the end of my life is near, do hereby bury my last will and testament in the mind of my Master. He will not know it is
there until after I am dead. Then, remembering me in his loneliness, he will suddenly know of this testament, and I ask him to inscribe it as a
memorial to me.

I have little in the way of material things to leave. Dogs are wiser than men. They do not set great store upon things. They do not waste their
days hoarding property. They do not ruin their sleep worrying about how to keep
the objects they have, and to obtain objects they have not. There is nothing of value I have to bequeath except my love and my loyalty.

These I leave to all those who have loved me, especially to my Master and Mistress, who I know will mourn me the most.

I ask my Master and my Mistress to remember me always, but not to grieve for me too long.

In my life, I have tried to be a comfort to them in time of sorrow and a reason for added joy in their happiness. It is painful for me to think that
even in death I should cause them pain. Let them remember that while no dog has ever had a happier life (and this I owe to their love and care for me), now that I have grown blind, deaf and lame, and even my sense of smell fails me so that a rabbit could be right under my nose and I might not know, my pride has sunk to a sick, bewildered humiliation. I feel life is
taunting me with having overlingered my welcome. It is time I said good-bye, before I become too sick a burden on myself and on those who love me.

It will be a sorrow to leave them, but not a sorrow to die. Dogs do not fear death as men do. We accept it as part of life, not as something
alien and terrible which destroys life.

What may come after death, who knows? I would like to believe that there is a Paradise. Where one is always young and full-bladdered. Where all the
day one dillies and dallies. Where each blissful hour is mealtime. Where in the long evenings, there are a million fireplaces with logs forever burning,
and one curls oneself up and blinks into the flames and nods and dreams, remembering the old brave days on earth and the love of one's Master and
Mistress. I am afraid that this is too much for even such a dog as I am to expect. But peace, at least, is certain. Peace and a long rest for my weary
old heart and head and limbs, and eternal sleep in the earth I have loved
so well. Perhaps, after all, this is best.

One last request, I earnestly make. I have heard my Mistress say,"When Blemie dies we must never have another dog. I love him so much I could
never love another one." Now I would ask her, for love of me, to have another. It would be a poor tribute to my memory never to have a dog
again.

What I would like to feel is that, having once had me in the family, she cannot live without a dog! I have never had a narrow, jealous spirit. I
have always held that most dogs are good. My successor can hardly be as well loved or as well mannered or as distinguished and handsome as I was in my prime. My Master and Mistress must not ask the impossible. But he will
do his best, I am sure, and even his inevitable defects will help by
comparison to keep my memory green. To him I bequeath my collar and leash
and my overcoat and raincoat. He can never wear them with the distinction I did, all eyes fixed on me in admiration; but again I am sure he will do his utmost not to appear a mere gauche provincial dog. I hereby wish him the happiness I know will be his in my old home.

One last word of farewell, dear Master and Mistress. Whenever you visit my grave, say to yourselves with regret but also with happiness in your hearts at the remembrance of my long, happy life with you: "Here lies one who loved us and whom we loved". No matter how deep my sleep. I shall hear you and not all the power of death can keep my spirit from wagging a grateful tail. I will always love you as only a dog can."

by Eugene O'Neill, 1940

 

 

 

A Shelter Dog's Christmas Poem

 

'Tis the night before Christmas, and all through the town, every shelter is full - we are lost but not found, Our numbers are hung on our kennels so bare, we hope every minute that someone will care,
They'll come to adopt us and give us the call,
"Come here, Max and Sparkie - come fetch your new ball!"
But now we sit here and think of the days..
we were treated so fondly - we had cute, baby ways, Once we were little, then we grew and we grew - now we're no longer young and we're no longer new.
So out the back door we were thrown like the trash, they reacted so quickly - why were they so rash? We "jump on the children", "don't come when they call", we "bark when they leave us", climb over the wall.

We should have been neutered, we should have been spayed, now we suffer the consequence of the errors THEY made. If only they'd trained us, if only we knew... we'd have done what they asked us, and worshipped them, too.
We were left in the backyard, or worse - let to roam -
now we're tired, and so lonely, and out of a home.
They dropped us off here and they kissed us good-bye...
"Maybe someone else will give you a try."
So now here we are, all confused and alone...
in a shelter with others who long for a home.

The kind workers come through with a meal and a pat, with so many to care for, they can't stay to chat, They move to the next kennel, giving each of us cheer... we know that they wonder how long we'll be here.
We lay down to sleep and sweet dreams fill our heads.. of a home filled with love and our own cozy beds!
Then we wake to see sad eyes, brimming with tears -- our friends filled with emptiness, worry, and fear.

If you can't adopt us and there's no room at the Inn --
could you help with the bills and fill our food bin?
We count on your kindness each day of the year --
can you give more than hope to everyone here?
Please make a donation to pay for the heat...
and help get us something special to eat.
The shelter that cares for us wants us to live,
and more of us will, if more people will give.


- author unknown

 

"HOW THE PAPILLON GOT ITS EARS"

A Modern Fable by Lori Elias

 

A very long time ago in the French countryside, there was a lively little dog with a long silky coat and plumed tail, dainty feet, and small ears that bent forward above his black onyx eyes. The little dog loved to romp around in the fields and gardens, chasing anything that moved, especially butterflies. The dog was relentless in his pursuit of
the winged creatures, and the fact that he never caught them made him that much more determined.

There came a day when a butterfly, who had been particularly bothered by the pups' mischief, decided that she had been putting up with his antics long enough. She could recall far too many narrow escapes from the pouncing paws and snapping teeth of the tireless little dog. Weary of
having her business constantly interrupted while she flitted among the flowers, she decided to torment her tormenter. The butterfly waited for
just the right moment, and when it came, she landed on top of the little dogs' head, right between his floppy little ears. She wanted to see what the pup would do as he would surely become frustrated at having the butterfly alight on a spot where he could not get her. The butterfly
was very proud of her idea, and smiled to herself as she imagined what the little dog would do with his prey just out of reach.

She had no sooner perched upon the head of her hapless victim than a profound change in the dogs' demeanor became immediately evident. This petite pooch had always been in constant motion, and was not known for his grace and agility. He was forever knocking over flowerpots and falling into smelly compost heaps, and had been seen on several occasions slogging through muck and mire in pursuit of frantic frogs. But now, with the butterfly resting between his ears, the little dog
became increasingly calm and still, possessing an air of serene aplomb. As if by magic, the formerly menacing creature now was the picture of
regal elegance. He sat with his head held high; gazing around as if taking inventory of his kingdom lain out before him.

The butterfly, not getting the anticipated results, was at first quite perturbed, but then came to realize that what had happened was a metamorphosis, much like when the butterfly herself had blossomed into grace and beauty from an ugly cocoon. The butterfly was struck with
awe, as she looked down at what this nondescript little dog had become, commanding her attention and admiration.

She decided then and there that this is as it should be for all time, and called on Mother Nature (who owed her a favor anyway, being the benefactor of the free advertising and publicity the butterfly's beauty had provided for her artistry), and was elated to discover that Mother Nature not only agreed with the butterfly, but was happy to oblige.

Mother Nature, very wise woman as she was, declared that it would be impractical for butterflies to have to spend their days atop the heads of all these little dogs, as they had other business to attend to. She deemed that if the butterfly were to kiss the top of the pup's head, all the powers of her artistry she could muster would be bestowed upon the furry imp forevermore. The butterfly willingly obliged, as she had heard somewhere along the line that it's not nice to fool with Mother Nature, and was then released from her perch forthwith.

The butterfly hovered over the beautiful little aristocrat to admire Mother Nature's handiwork, and saw that in her stead was an unmistakable, though much larger, image of herself. The floppy little ears were now modeled after the graceful wings of the butterfly. The tiny dog finally got up to move from his spot among the flowers, carrying his newly transformed ears proudly as he strutted away. Before making her own departure, Mother Nature was quick to point out to the butterfly that they were now "even" in the favor department!

From that day forward, whenever a litter of these treasured puppies are born, at some point, when no one is around, a butterfly will slip in through an open window, or a door just before it's pulled shut, and kiss each one on top of the head, sometimes leaving behind a telltale white spot right between the ears.

The French, being quick to notice the resemblance to the winged creature who bestowed such elegance on these sought after little dogs, began to call them "Papillons".

But as with anything else, there are always exceptions. Sometimes a moth will alight on the puppies before a butterfly does, and the pup's
ears will come to resemble the wings of the moth. The French have since dubbed these little dogs with their word for the MOTH, "Phalenes", and
they are much loved and adored. Being that the butterfly is far more intelligent than the moth (which is demonstrated in the fact that while
the butterfly flits among beautiful and fragrant flowers, the moth throws itself into hot lights and open flames), more butterflies have found their way to the new puppies than have moths, resulting in there being far more Papillons than there are Phalenes.

Mother Nature, in her infinite wisdom, has provided that the intelligence of the moth (or lack thereof) does not render the Phalene any less intelligent than the Papillon. And also, wanting to exercise
her sense of humor, she has insured that even though that little dog romping among the flowers so long ago in the French countryside has
evolved into the epitome of delicate beauty, she allowed them to retain that devilish twinkle in those black onyx eyes. When not being pampered
and adored, you can still see these little imps chasing butterflies, but they now mean them no harm...they are just saying "hello" to a very old
friend.

 


My Dog is Not Like Other Dogs

My dog is not like other dogs.
He doesn't care to walk,
He doesn't bark, he doesn't howl.
He goes "Tick, tock. Tick, tock."

He beeps each day at half-past nine.
At noon he starts to chime.
I have a strong suspicion
that my dog can tell the time.

Another dog might run and play,
or smother me with licking,
but my dog just annoys me
with his beeping and his ticking.

Should you decide to buy a dog,
consider my remarks:
When looking for a "watch dog,"
get yourself the kind that barks.

--Kenn Nesbitt

 

 

Your Dog

"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat
of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion."

--Unknown

 

How Could You?

by Jim Willis

When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask, "How could you?" -- but then you'd relent and roll me over for a belly rub.

My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect.

We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs" you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.

Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love.

She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" -- still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy. Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate.

Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of love." As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch -- because your touch was now so infrequent -- and I would've defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway.

There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf. Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family," but there was a time when I was your only family.

I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said, "I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. T hey understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with "papers." You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar, as he screamed, "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life.

You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked, "How could you?"

They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you that you had changed your mind -- that this was all a bad dream... or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me. When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited.

I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days. As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood. She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured, "How could you?"

Perhaps because she understood my dog speak, she said, "I'm so sorry." She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself -- a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place. And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not directed at her.

It was directed at you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of you. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.

 


Life  Is Simple.

It is us HUMANS that make it hard.

THIS IS SOME GOOD ADVICE!

If a dog was the teacher, you would learn stuff like:

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.

Let others know when they've invaded your territory.

Take naps.

Stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily..

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout..! run right back and make friends.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.

Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

 

http://www-hsc.usc.edu/~cypert/dick/dogpoems.html

 

The Above Is A great Link For More Dog Poems  such as the ones above!

 

CHRISTMAS AT THE RAINBOW BRIDGE

As the midnight hour approaches on Christmas Eve, a tremendous celebration begins. If you listen closely you will hear the
exuberant sound of Bridgekids preparing for the remarkable moment that comes but once a year.

Puppies romp through the tall green grass, chasing butterflies and rolling over and over until fits of giggles bring them to a
tumbling stop.  The volume increases as kittens, cats, tigers and lions purr in pure delight while the wings of snow-white doves gently caress the air. The babbling brook that runs beneath Rainbow Bridge overflows onto the edge of mossy banks and fins of treasured aquatic life quiver in anticipation of this most joyous event.

Nestled in the midst of this happy choir of Bridgekids are the littlest angel tots staring in awe at the majestic Christmas tree adorned
with flowing strands of angel hair. Effervescent, twinkling stars seesaw elegantly from the sky and land in florious harmony upon the
stoic limbs of Heaven's most perfect Christmas tree. Swaying to and fro in nearby rocking chairs are grandmothers, grandfathers, parents, aunts, uncles and loved ones. The sound of their whispered lullabies permeate the air as they sing to tiny angel babies resting quietly in their arms.

Like magic the clock approaches midnight and a great stirring is heard in the distance. Each Bridgekid stops and listens, knowing the time is near,and they choose a fleecy cloud on which to snuggle. The roar of purrs drops to barely an audible hum, the babbling brook ripples hypnotically and the flutter of downy feathered wings fall silent. Heaven's spirited toddlers climb expectantly upon the laps of angels while babies coo in tranquil unison.

Amidst the warm glow of candlelight, which rises from the earth below, the arm s of the Bridge Keeper envelop the heavens and into the precious hands of each child and in front of each animal a holy gift is placed. With grand exuberance the ribbons are removed and left to fly on a tender breeze where they dissolve into showers of angel dust. As the golden lids of these heavenly gifts are raised, an amazing aura fills the sky, reaching down to the very core of the earth. Ascending from each and every box is the greatest gift of all unending, unconditional, all-encompassing love.  This blessed love gently wraps itself around the cherished souls of heaven, warming their hearts with beacons of radiant light and bringing forth from angels and excquisite chorus.

As the clock strikes midnight the distance between heaven and earth is vanished. It is at this very moment on Christmas Eve that the Bridge Keeper, His children, angels and Bridgekids send a message to their earthly loved ones on the wings of this unbridled love.

Listening carefully with an open heart we will hear the familiar voice of our own angel whisper softly into our ear their Christmas
message.."Let me share with you this love of mine, always and forever. When you need me know that I am here. I have not left you for I am in your heart where I belong. Our love is eternal, as is the brilliant glow of candlelight, which illuminates the path to the heavens and Rainbow Bridge. I wait patiently as do you for our inevitable and glorious reunion. I love you, I love you, I love you."

Author Unknown



 

A Pet's Prayer
My people are so precious, Lord;
I know You think so, too...
And I believe You put me here
To love them just for You!

They take such gentle care of me
And have such tender hearts...
Please use me, Lord, to comfort them
Whenever teardrops start.

They face a lot of battles
As they live & work each day...
They need me, Lord,
To make them smile
And show them how to play!

The world is full of people,
But sometimes real friends are few...
Please let my love & loyalty
Remind them, Lord, of you.

And when my final moment comes,
Lord, tell them as we part...
I was a made-to-order gift
From Your great, loving heart!

copyright Hope Herrington Kolb
 
 
 

The Meaning of Rescue - Author Unknown

Now that I'm home, bathed, settled and fed.

All nicely tucked in my warm new bed,

I'd like to open my baggage, lest I forget,
There is so much to carry - So much to regret.

Hmmm... Yes, there it is, right on the top, Let's unpack Loneliness,
Heartache and Loss,
And there by my perch hides Fear and Shame.

As I look on these things I tried so hard to leave,
I still have to unpack my baggage called Pain.

I loved them, the others, the ones who left me,
But I wasn't good enough - for they didn't want me.

Will you add to my baggage; Will you help me unpack?
Or will you just look at my things - And take me right back?

Do you have the time to help me unpack?
To put away my baggage, to never repack?

I pray that you do - I'm so tired you see,
But I do come with baggage - Will you still want me?
                 

Love is  Knowing When

You're giving me a special gift,
So sorrowfully  endowed,
And through these last few cherished days, Your courage makes me  proud.
But really, love is knowing when
your best  friend is in  pain,
And understanding earthly acts
Will only be in vain. 
So  looking deep into your eyes,
Beyond, into your soul,
I see in you the  magic that will
Once more make me whole.
The strength that you  possess,
Is why I look to you today,
To do this thing that must be  done,
For it's the only way.
That strength is why I've followed you,  And chose you as my friend, And why
I've loved you all these years... 
My partner till the end.
Please, understand just what this  gift
You're giving, means to me,
It gives me back the strength I've  lost, and all my dignity.
You take a stand on my behalf,
For that is  what friends do. 
And know that what you do is right,
For I  believe it, too.
So one last time, I breathe your scent, And through your  hand I feel,
The  courage that's within you to grant me this appeal. 
Cut the leash that holds me here,
Dear friend, and let me run,
Once  more a strong and steady dog,
My pain and struggle done.
And don't  despair my passing,
For I won't be far away,
Forever here, within your  heart,
And memory I'll stay.
I'll be there watching over you,
Your  ever-faithful friend,
And in your memories I'll run,.
a young dog once  again  
  anonymous 


PUPPY PIE.
 
Take one Puppy,
Roll and Play until lightly pampered,
then add the following ingredients:-
One Cup of Patience,
One Cup of Understanding,
One Pinch of Correction,
One Cup of Hard Work,
2 Cups of Praise,
and One and a half Cups of fun.
Blend Well,
Heat with warmth of your heart until raised
or until puppy has doubled in size.
Mix with owner until consistency is such that
owner and dog are one.

 

Twas the Night Before Christmas
 
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse
 
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there

The children were nestled all snug in their beds With no thought of the dog filling their head

And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap
Knew he was cold, but didn't care about that

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter

Away to the window I flew like a flash
Figuring the dog was free of his chain and into the trash

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below
 
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear
But Santa Claus - with eyes full of tears

He un-chained the dog, once so lively and quick
Last year's Christmas present, now painfully thin and sick

More rapid than eagles he called the dog's name And the dog ran to him, despite all his pain

Now, DASHER! now, DANCER! now, PRANCER and VIXEN!
On, COMET! on CUPID! on, DONNER and BLITZEN!

To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Let's find this dog a home where he'll be loved by all."

I knew in an instant there would be no gifts this year
For Santa Claus had made one thing quite clear
 
The gift of a dog is not just for the season
We had gotten the pup for all the wrong reasons

In our haste to think of the kids a gift
There was one important thing that we missed
 
A dog should be family, and cared for the same
You don't give a gift, then put it on a chain

And I heard him exclaim as he rode out of sight
"You weren't given a gift! You were given a LIFE!"
 
 
 
On The Loss Of A Pet :
 
"We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached. Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would live no other way. We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, never fully understanding the necessary
plan."
-
- Irving Townsend
 
 
 
 
TO A DEPARTED SPIRIT
by Gloria Rogan


Is it their charm
Or their beguiling eyes?
Is it their warmth
Or their soft, gentle sighs?

Perhaps it's their walk,
Their trot and their gambol,
Perhaps it's their jaunty
And happy, light amble

But I think it is something
Much deeper, indeed,
Because we acknowledge that
They fill a great need

They know how to love
With no thought of tomorrow
They know how to play
And how to wash away sorrow

So when we are left with
An empty collar and bed
When no longer we see
That sweet, winsome head

We cry and we grieve
And we feel a deep loss
For who can replace
Such sweetness and trust

Yet we know we were lucky
To have known such a creature
In whose dear, furry face
The Lord God hid His features
 


 

The Old Man and the Dog
 by Catherine Moore
 
"Watch out! You nearly broad sided that car!" My
father yelled at me.*

Can't you do anything right?"*

Those words hurt worse than blows. I turned my head
toward the elderly man in the seat beside me, daring me
to challenge him. A lump rose in my throat as I averted
my eyes. I wasn't prepared for another battle.*

"I saw the car, Dad. Please don't yell at me when I'm
driving." My voice was measured and steady, sounding far
calmer than I really felt.*

Dad glared at me, then turned away and settled back.
At home I left Dad in front of the television and went
otside to collect my thoughts. Dark, heavy clouds hung
in the air with a promise of rain. The rumble of distant
thunder seemed to echo my inner turmoil.*
What could I do about him?*
Dad had been a lumberjack in Washington and Oregon.
He had enjoyed being outdoors and had reveled in pitting
his strength against the forces of nature. He had
entered grueling lumberjack competitions, and had placed
often. The shelves in his house were filled with
trophies that attested to his prowess.*

The years marched on relentlessly. The first time he
couldn't lift a heavy log, he joked about it; but later
that same day I saw him outside alone, straining to lift
it. He became irritable whenever anyone teased him about
his advancing age, or when he couldn't do something he
had done as a younger man.*
Four days after his sixty-seventh birthday, he had a
heart attack. An ambulance sped him to the hospital
while a paramedic administered CPR to keep blood and
oxygen flowing. At the hospital, Dad was rushed into an
operating room. He was lucky; he survived.*

But something inside Dad died. His zest for life was
gone. He obstinately refused to follow doctor's orders.
Suggestions and offers of help were turned aside with
sarcasm and insults. The number of visitors thinned,
then finally stopped altogether. Dad was left alone.*

My husband, Dick, and I asked Dad to come live with
us on our small farm. We hoped the fresh air and rustic
atmosphere would help him adjust. Within a week after he
moved in, I regretted the invitation. It seemed nothing
was satisfactory. He criticized everything I did. I
became frustrated and moody. Soon I was taking my
pent-up anger out on Dick. We began to bicker and argue.
Alarmed, Dick sought out our pastor and explained the
situation. The clergyman set up weekly counseling
appointments for us. At the close of each session he
prayed, asking God to soothe Dad's troubled mind. But
the months wore on and God was silent. Something had to
be done and it was up to me to do it.*

The next day I sat down with the phone book and
methodically called each of the mental health clinics
listed in the Yellow Pages. I explained my problem to
each of the sympathetic voices that answered. In vain.
Just when I was giving up hope, one of the voices
suddenly exclaimed, "I just read something that might
help you! Let me go get the article." I listened as she
read. The article described a remarkable study done at a
nursing home. All of the patients were under treatment
for chronic depression. Yet their attitudes had improved
dramatically when they were given responsibility for a dog.*

I drove to the animal shelter that afternoon. After I
filled out a questionnaire, a uniformed officer led me
to the kennels. The odor of disinfectant stung my
nostrils as I moved down the row of pens. Each contained
five to seven dogs. Long-haired dogs, curly-haired dogs,
black dogs, spotted dogs all jumped up, trying to reach
me. I studied each one but rejected one after the other
for various reasons too big, too small, too much hair.
As I neared the last pen a dog in the shadows of the far
corner struggled to his feet, walked to the front of the
run and sat down. It was a pointer, one of the dog
world's aristocrats. But this was a caricature of the
breed. Years had etched his face and muzzle with shades
of gray. His hipbones jutted out in lopsided triangles.
But it was his eyes that caught and held my attention.
Calm and clear, they beheld me unwaveringly.*
I pointed to the dog. "Can you tell me about him?"
Thee officer looked, then shook his head in puzzlement.*

He's a funny one. Appeared out of nowhere and sat in
front of the gate. We brought him in, figuring someone
would be right down to claim him. That was two weeks ago
and we've heard nothing. His time is up tomorrow." He
gestured helplessly.*

As the words sank in I turned to the man in horror.
You mean you're going to kill him?"*
"Ma'am," he said gently, "that's our policy. We don't
have room for every unclaimed dog."*

I looked at the pointer again. The calm brown eyes
awaited my decision. "I'll take him," I said.*
I drove home with the dog on the front seat beside
me. When I reached the house I honked the horn twice. I
was helping my prize out of the car when Dad shuffled
onto the front porch.*

"Ta-da! Look what I got for you, Dad!" I said excitedly.*
Dad looked, then wrinkled his face in disgust. "If I
had wanted a dog I would have gotten one. And I would
have picked out a better specimen than that bag of
bones. Keep it! I don't want it" Dad waved his arm
scornfully and turned back toward the house.*

Anger rose inside me. It squeezed together my throat
muscles and pounded into my temples.*
You'd better get used to him, Dad. He's staying!"
Dad ignored me.   "Did you hear me, Dad?" I screamed. At
those words Dad whirled angrily, his hands clenched at
his sides, his eyes narrowed and blazing with hate.*

We stood glaring at each other like duelists, when
suddenly the pointer pulled free from my grasp. He
wobbled toward my dad and sat down in front of him. Then
slowly, carefully, he raised his paw.*

Dad's lower jaw trembled as he stared at the uplifted
paw. Confusion replaced the anger in his eyes. The
pointer waited patiently. Then Dad was on his knees
hugging the animal.*

It was the beginning of a warm and intimate
friendship. Dad named the pointer Cheyenne. Together he
and Cheyenne explored the community. They spent long
hours walking down dusty lanes. They spent reflective
moments on the banks of streams, angling for tasty
trout.
 
They even started to attend Sunday services together, Dad
sitting in a pew and Cheyenne lying quietly at his feet.*
Dad and Cheyenne were inseparable throughout the next
three years. Dad's bitterness faded, and he
and Cheyenne made many friends.
 
Then late one night I was startled to feel Cheyenne's cold nose burrowing through our bed covers. He had never before come into our bedroom at night. I woke Dick, put on my robe and ran into my father's room. Dad lay in his bed, his face
serene. But his spirit had left quietly sometime during
 the night.*

Two days later my shock and grief deepened when I
discovered Cheyenne lying dead beside Dad's bed. I
wrapped his still form in the rag rug he had slept on.
As Dick and I buried him near a favorite fishing hole, I
silently thanked the dog for the help he had given me in
 restoring Dad's peace of mind.*

The morning of Dad's funeral dawned overcast and
dreary. This day looks like the way I feel, I thought,
as I walked down the aisle to the pews reserved for
family. I was surprised to see the many friends Dad
and Cheyenne had made filling the church. The pastor
began his eulogy. It was a tribute to both Dad and the
dog who had changed his life. And then the pastor turned
to Hebrews 13:2. "Be not forgetful to entertain strangers."*


I've often thanked God for sending that angel," he
said.*

For me, the past dropped into place, completing a
puzzle that I had not seen before: the sympathetic voice
that had just read the right article...*

Cheyenne's unexpected appearance at the animal
shelter. . .his calm acceptance and complete devotion to
my father. . and the proximity of their deaths. And
suddenly I understood. I knew that God had answered my
prayers after all.*

Life is too short for drama & petty things, so laugh
hard,*
Love truly and forgive quickly. *
Live While You Are Alive.*
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every*
opportunity.*
Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a*
second time.*
Do share this with someone.*
Lost time can never be found.*
 

MY DOGS
 
 
My dogs live here, they're here to stay.
you don't like pets, be on your way.
they share my home, my food, my space
this is their home, this is their place.

You will find dog hair on the floor,
they will alert you're at the door.
they may request a little pat,
a simple 'no' will settle that.

 

 

THE JOURNEY
by Crystal Ward Kent

When you bring a pet into your life, you begin a journey - a journey  that will bring you more love and devotion than you have ever known, yet also test your strength and courage.

If you allow, the journey will teach you many things, about life,
about  yourself, and most of all, about love. You will come away changed  forever, for one soul cannot touch another without leaving its mark.

Along the way, you will learn much about savoring life's simple pleasures - jumping in leaves, snoozing in the sun, the joy of puddles, and even the satisfaction of a good scratch behind the ears.

If you spend much time outside, you will be taught how to truly  experience every element, for no rock, leaf or log will go
unexamined, no rustling bush will be overlooked, and even the very air will be  inhaled, pondered, and
noted as being full of valuable information.
 
Your pace may be slower - except when heading home to the food dish - but you will become a better  naturalist, having been taught by an expert in the field.

Too many times we hike on automatic pilot, our goal being to
complete  the trail rather than enjoy the journey. We miss the details - the colorful mushrooms on the rotting log, the honeycomb in the old maple snag, the hawk feather caught on a twig. Once we walk as a dog does, we discover a whole new world. We stop; we browse the landscape; we
kick  over leaves, peek in tree holes, look up, down, all around.
 
And we learn what any dog knows: that nature has created a marvelously complex world that is full of surprises, that each cycle of the seasons brings ever-changing wonders, each day an essence all its own.

Even from indoors you will find yourself more attuned to the world around you. You will find yourself watching summer insects collecting on a screen (How bizarre they are! How many kinds there are!), or noting the flicker and flash of fireflies through the dark. You will stop to observe the swirling dance of windblown leaves, or sniff the air after a
rain.
 
 It does not matter that there is no objective in this; the
point  is in the doing, in not letting life's most important details slip by.

You will find yourself doing silly things that your pet-less friends might not understand: spending thirty minutes in the grocery aisle  looking for the cat food brand your feline must have, buying dog birthday treats, or driving around the block an extra time because your pet enjoys the ride.
 
You will roll in the snow, wrestle with chewie toys, bounce little rubber balls till your eyes cross, and even run around the house trailing your bathrobe  tie - with a cat in hot pursuit - all in the name of love.

Your house will become muddier and hairier. You will wear less dark clothing and buy more lint rollers. You may find dog biscuits in your  pocket or purse, and feel the need to explain that an old plastic shopping bag adorns your living room rug because your cat loves the crinkly sound.

You will learn the true measure of love - the steadfast, undying
kind  that says, "It doesn't matter where we are or what we do, or how life treats us as long as we are together." Respect this always. It is the most precious gift any living soul can give another. You will not find it often among the human race.

And you will learn humility. The look in my dog's eyes often made me feel ashamed. Such joy and love at my presence. She saw not some flawed human who could be cross and stubborn, moody or rude, but only her wonderful companion. Or maybe she saw those things and dismissed
them as mere human foibles, not worth considering, and so chose to love me anyway.

If you pay attention and learn well, when the journey is done, you will  not be just a better person, but the person your pet always knew you to be - the one they were proud to call beloved friend.

I must caution you that this journey is not without pain. Like all
paths of true love, the pain is part of loving. For as surely as the sun sets, one day your dear animal companion will follow a path you cannot yet go down. And you will have to find the strength and love to let them go.
 
A pet's time on earth is far too short - especially for those that love them. We borrow them, really, just for awhile, and during those brief  years they are generous enough to give us all of their love - every inch of their spirit and heart, until one day there is nothing left.

The cat that only yesterday was a kitten is all too soon old and
frail and sleeping in the sun. The young pup of boundless energy wakes up stiff and lame, the muzzle now gray.
 
Deep down we somehow always knew this journey would end. We knew that if we gave our hearts they would be broken. But give them we must for it is all they ask in return. When the time comes, and the road curves ahead to a place we cannot see, we give one final gift and let them run on ahead - young and whole once more.

"Godspeed, good friend," we say, until our journey comes full circle and our paths cross again.

 

 

 

For My  Dearly Departed Dog

(written for all who have lost their dearly loved dog.)

 

by Joan Ross 2008                                               

 

 

You were my partner, companion, friend, protector, soul mate, and pet.

Imagine that, you were all of those things to me!

Your love was always unconditional no matter what mood I was in.

You were always the same; so endearing and trusting.

Although you never knew what to expect from me.

 

Your warm body at my side, settled at my feet or perhaps in my lap

While I sat and read a book or watched T.V. or just dreamed.

Your closeness felt good, so comforting and reassuring.

Your expressive eyes gazed up at me while I sang out of tune to the songs on the radio or sometimes

Danced around the kitchen table.

My, I was so silly but you didn’t judge me at all.

 

I worried over you when I had to crate you or leave you home alone.

I thought what were you thinking then?

And when I got home you greeted me with such gusto and enthusiasm ;

As we were long lost friends who had seen each other for the first time again .

 

I always knew your time to leave me would come at some distant point in time.

Fleeting thoughts of departure one never thinks about to deeply.

But it came too fast and too early, and too unexpected even though I  really did know.

I cried and grieved and hoped others shared and understood this pain and sadness.

You, simply my dog, with a simple soul deeply touched my complex being.

 

You are at peace now and if you come by me now and then in spirit ,

Whether appearing as a cloud in the sky, or as a shadow at dusk, or in my dreams

I want you to know, how much I loved you and still do…

My dearly departed dog I am sure I will see you again at another point in time.

Then we truly can share each others Life's journey.

 

 

 

                                               HEAVEN'S GATE.

 

Jack and his dog, Buddy, were walking along a country road.  Jack was enjoying the beautiful scenery, when it gradually occurred to him that he was no longer living on earth. He remembered passing away, and he remembered that his faithful dog, Buddy, had passed away many years before. Suddenly, they were together again, walking along a peaceful country lane.  Jack looked around him in wonderment.  Where was the road leading them?  

 

After walking for a while, Jack and Buddy came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like it was constructed of the finest marble. As he walked along the outside of the wall, Jack saw in the distance that the wall had a magnificent pearly gate set in a beautiful arch.  The path that led to the spectacular gate was made from pure gold.  As he stepped up to the gate and looked through the bars, Jack could see a shimmering image of gilded buildings and sparkling jewels that spoke of much wealth.

 

Just inside the gate, was a man sitting at a desk.  Jack called out to the man, "Excuse me, where are we?"

 

"This is Heaven, Jack," the man answered.

"Wow, what a beautiful place," Jack exclaimed in awe.   "Would you happen to have some water?  We have traveled far and we are both quite thirsty."  Jack said.  

 

"Of course, Jack. Come on in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up for you."

The man pressed a button and the gate began to open. Jack and Buddy started to walk through the gate, when the man jumped up from his chair and stopped them with an upraised hand.   

 

"I'm sorry, Jack, but we don't accept pets."

 

Jack was stunned, and he stopped in his tracks, remembering all the years his faithful dog, Buddy, remained loyal to him.  Then Jack shook his head and turned his back on the pearly gate, and he and Buddy continued their trip along the road. 

 

After another long and thirsty walk, they came to a plain dirt road.  While they were walking, several dogs and cats came up behind them and trotted happily by, as if they were going home.

 

Finally, Jack and Buddy came to a farm gate by the side of the road.  It was wide open; as a matter of fact, it looked like it had never been closed.  Beyond the gate was a sweeping green lawn edged with colorful wildflowers that danced in the breeze.  The dogs and cats that had passed Jack and Buddy were gamboling on the grass, chasing each other and playing with brightly colored balls. 

 

As they approached the farm gate, Jack and Buddy spotted a man inside, relaxing against a tree, enjoying the soft air and watching the pets playing.  He had a gentle smile on his face, which encouraged Jack to call out to him.  

"Excuse me!" Jack said.  "Do you have any water?  We have traveled far and we are both very thirsty."

 

"Yes, sure, there's a waterfall right over there." The man pointed to a place that was inside the gate.  "Come on in and help yourself."

 

"How about my friend here?" Jack gestured to his dog, Buddy.

 

"There is a bowl by the waterfall; he is certainly welcome to come in with you.  We love animals here."

Jack and Buddy walked through the gate, and sure enough, there was a beautiful brook with a spectacular waterfall splashing over the rocks.  The sun's rays passing through the spraying water created many rainbows. 

 

The first thing Jack did was pick up the bowl and fill it with fresh, cool water for Buddy, and then he took a long drink himself.  When they both had slaked their thirst, Jack and Buddy walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree waiting for them.

"What do you call this place?" Jack asked.

"This is Heaven, Jack." was the answer.

 

"Well, now I'm confused," Jack said. "The man down the road said that place was Heaven, too."

"Oh, you mean the place with the golden path and the pearly gates?  Nope. That's Hell.  The man lied to you."

 

"Wow!" Jack replied, "Doesn't it make you mad when they lie and use the name of Heaven like that?"

"No." said the man.  "Actually, they do us a favor.  We're happy that they screen out the nasty folks who'd leave their best friends behind in exchange for material things." 

 

 

 

 Once I was a Lonely Dog

 

Once I was a lonely dog,  Just looking for a home.
I had no place to go, No one to call my  own.

I wandered up and down the streets, in rain in heat and snow.
I  ate what ever I could find, I was always on the go.

My skin would itch,  my feet were sore, My body ached with pain.
And no one stopped to give a pat  Or to gently say my name.

I never saw a loving glance, I was always on  the run.
For people thought that hurting me was really lots of  fun.

And then one day I heard a voice So gentle, kind and sweet,
And  arms so soft reached down to me And took me off my feet.

"No one again  will hurt you" Was whispered in my ear.
"You'll have a home to call your own  where you will know no fear."

"You will be dry, you will be warm,  you'll have enough to eat
And rest assured that when you sleep, your dreams  will all be sweet."

I was afraid I must admit, I've lived so long in  fear.
I can't remember when I let A human come so near.

And as she tended  to my wounds And bathed and brushed my fur
She told me 'bout the rescue group  And what it meant to her.

She said, "We are a circle, A line that never  ends.
And in the center there is you protected by  new friends."

"And all around you are the ones that check the  pounds,
And those that share their home after you've been found."

"And  all the other folk are searching near and far.
To find the perfect home for  you, where you can be a star."

She said, "There is a family, that's  waiting patiently,
and pretty soon we'll find them,just you wait and see."

"And then  they'll join our circle they'll help to make it grow,
so there'll be room for  more like you, who have no place to go."

I waited very patiently,The days  they came and went.
Today's the day I thought, my family will be  sent.

Then just when I began to think It wasn't meant to be,
there  were people standing there just gazing down at me.

I knew them in a heart  beat, I could tell they felt it too.
They said, "We have been waiting for a  special dog like you."

Now every night I say a prayer to all the gods  that be.
"Thank you for the life I live and all you've given me.

But  most of all protect the dogs in the pound and on the street.
And send a  Rescue Person to lift them off their feet."

Dedicated to those that make  a difference in the lives of animals, everyday


JUST A DOG


From time to time, people tell me, "lighten up, it's just a dog," or, "that's a lot of money for just a dog."

They don't understand the distance traveled, the time spent, or the costs involved for "just a dog."

Some of my proudest moments have come about with "just a dog."

Many hours have passed and my only company was "just a dog," but I did not once feel slighted.

Some of my saddest moments have been brought about by "just a dog," and in those days of darkness, the gentle touch of "just a dog" gave me comfort and reason to overcome the day.

If you, too, think it's "just a dog," then you will probably
understand phrases like "just a friend," "just a sunrise," or "just a promise."

"Just a dog" brings into my life the very essence of friendship, trust, and pure unbridled joy.

"Just a dog" brings out the compassion and patience that make me a better person.

Because of "just a dog", I will rise early, take long walks and look longingly to the future.

So for me and folks like me, it's not "just a dog" but an embodiment of all the hopes and dreams of the future,
the fond memories of the past, and the pure joy of the moment.

"Just a dog" brings out what's good in me and diverts my thoughts away from myself and the worries of the day.

I hope that someday they can understand that it's not "just a dog", but the thing that gives me humanity and keeps me from being "just a man or woman."

So the next time you hear the phrase "just a dog"
just smile... because they "just don't understand."

Written by an unknown Doctor of Veterinary Medicine.
From the Therapy Dog Inc. News Magazine

 
 
 
The  Old Man and  the  Dog
 by  Catherine  Moore
 
'Watch  out! You nearly broad sided that car!' My father yelled at me.  
'Can't  you do anything right?!' 
Those  words hurt  worse than blows. I turned my head toward the elderly man   in the seat  beside me, daring me to challenge him. A lump rose in  my throat  as I  averted my eyes. I wasn't prepared for another battle.  
'I saw the car,  Dad. Please don't yell at me when I'm driving.' My  voice  was measured and  steady, sounding far calmer than I really  felt.  Dad glared at me, then  turned away and settled back. At home  I left Dad in  front of the  television and went outside to collect my  thoughts.
Dark, heavy clouds  hung in the air with a promise of rain.  The rumble of distant  thunder  seemed to echo my inner  turmoil.
What could I do about him? 
Dad had been a lumberjack in  Washington and Oregon . He had enjoyed  being  outdoors and had reveled in pitting his strength against the  forces  of nature.  He had  entered grueling lumberjack  competitions, and had placed often. The  shelves in his house were  filled with trophies that attested to his  prowess. 
The  years marched on relentlessly. The first time he couldn't lift  a heavy   log, he joked about it; but later that same day I saw him  outside alone,   straining to lift it. He became irritable whenever  anyone teased him  about his  advancing age, or when he couldn't do  something he had
done as  a younger man.
Four days after his  sixty-seventh  birthday, he had a heart attack. An  ambulance sped him  to the hospital  while a paramedic administered CPR to keep  blood and  oxygen flowing. At  the hospital, Dad was rushed into an operating   room. He was lucky; he  survived.  But  something inside Dad  died. His zest for life was gone.
He  obstinately refused to follow  doctor's orders. Suggestions and offers of  help were  turned aside  with sarcasm and insults. The number of visitors  thinned, then   finally stopped altogether. Dad was left  alone.
 My  husband,  Dick, and I asked Dad to come live with us on our small farm.  We  hoped the fresh air and rustic atmosphere would help him  adjust. Within a   week after he moved in, I regretted the invitation.  It seemed nothing was  satisfactory. He criticized everything I did. I  became frustrated and  moody. 
Soon I was taking my pent-up anger out  on Dick. We began to bicker  and  argue. Alarmed, Dick sought out our  pastor and explained the  situation. The  clergyman set up weekly  counseling appointments for us. At  the close of each  session he  prayed, asking God to soothe Dad's troubled  mind. But the months wore   on and God was silent. Something had to be done  and it was up to me  to do  it. 
The next day I sat down with the  phone book and methodically called each of  the mental health clinics  listed in the  Yellow Pages. I explained my problem to each of the  sympathetic voices that answered. In vain. Just when I was   giving up  hope, one of the voices suddenly exclaimed, 'I just read  something  that  might help you! Let me go get the article.' Ilistened  as she read. 
The  article described a remarkable study done at  a nursing home. All of the   patients were under treatment for  chronic depression. Yet their attitudes  had  improved dramatically  when they were given responsibility for a  dog.
 I drove  to the animal shelter that afternoon. After  I filled out a  questionnaire,  a uniformed officer led me to the  kennels. The odor of disinfectant  stung  my nostrils as I moved down  the row of pens. Each
contained five to seven  dogs. Long-haired dogs,  curly-haired dogs, black dogs, spotted dogs  all  
jumped up, trying to reach me. I studied each one but rejected  one after   the other for various reasons , too big, too small, too  much  hair, etc.. As I   neared the last pen a dog in the shadows of  the far corner struggled to  his  feet, walked to the front of the run  and sat down. It was a pointer,  one of  the dog world's aristocrats. 
 But this was a caricatureof the  breed. Years  had etched his face and  muzzle with shades of gray. His  hipbones jutted out  in lopsided  triangle s. But it was his eyes that  caught and held my  attention.  Calm and clear, they beheld me  unwaveringly.  I pointed to the dog. 'Can you tell me about him?' 
 The  officer looked, then shook his head in puzzlement. > 'He's  a funny  one. Appeared out of nowhere and sat in front of the gate. We  brought him  in, figuring someone would be right down to claim  him. That  was two weeks  ago and we've heard nothing. His time is up  tomorrow.' He 
gestured  helplessly.
 As the words sank in I  turned to the man in horror. 'You  mean you're going  to kill  him?'
'Ma'am,' he said gently, 'that's  our policy. We don't have  room for every  unclaimed dog.' 
I looked  at the pointer again.  The calm brown eyes awaited my decision.  'I'll take  him,' I  said.
 I drove home with the dog on the front seat beside me. 
When I  reached the  house I honked the horn twice. I was helping my prize  out  of the car when Dad 
shuffled onto the front porch. 
'Ta-da!  Look what I got for you, Dad!' I said excitedly. Dad looked, then  wrinkled his face in disgust. 'If I had wanted a dog I  would have  gotten  one. And I would have picked out a better specimen than that   bag of  bones. Keep it! I don't want it'
Dad waved his arm  scornfully and  turned  back toward the house. Anger rose inside  me. It squeezed together my  throat muscles and pounded  into my  temples.
 'You'd better get used  to him, Dad. He's staying! ' Dad  ignored me.  'Did  you hear me,  Dad?'
I screamed. At those  words Dad whirled angrily, his hands  clenched  at his sides, his eyes  narrowed and blazing with hate. 
We stood  glaring at each other  like duelists, when suddenly the pointer  pulled  free from my grasp.  He wobbled toward my dad and sat down in front of   him. Then slowly,  carefully, he raised his paw.
 Dad's lower jaw  trembled as he stared  at the uplifted paw. Confusion replaced the anger  in his eyes. The  pointer waited patiently.
 Then Dad was on his  knees  hugging the  animal. It was the beginning of a warm and intimate  friendship.
Dad  named the  pointer Cheyenne . Together he and  Cheyenne  explored the community. They spent long hours walking  down  dusty lanes. They spent reflective moments on the  banks of streams,  angling for tasty trout. They even started to attend Sunday services  together, Dad sitting in a pew and Cheyenne lying quietly at his  feet.
 Dad and Cheyenne were inseparable throughout the next three years. Dad's  bitterness faded, and he and Cheyenne made many friends.
Then late one night I was startled to feel Cheyenne 's cold nose  burrowing  through our bed covers. 
He had never before come into our  bedroom at night.  I woke Dick, put on my  robe and ran into my father's room. Dad lay  in  his bed, his face serene. But  his spirit had left quietly sometime  during the night.
Two days later my shock and grief deepened  when  I discovered Cheyenne   lying dead beside Dad's bed. I wrapped  his still  form in the rag rug he had  slept on. As Dick and I buried  him near a  favorite fishing hole, I silently thanked the dog for the  help he had  given me in restoring Dad's peace of mind. 
The  morning of Dad's  funeral dawned overcast and dreary. This day  looks like the way I feel, I  thought, as I walked down the aisle to  the pews  reserved for the family. I was  surprised to see the many friends  Dad and  Cheyenne had made filling the  church. The pastor began his  eulogy.
 It was a tribute to both Dad and the  dog who had changed his  life. And then the pastor turned 
to Hebrews 13:2.  'Be not forgetful  to entertain strangers.''I've often thanked God for  sending that  angel,' he said. 
For me, the past dropped into place,  completing a  puzzle that I had not seen before: the sympathetic voice  that had  just read the right article...  Cheyenne 's unexpected  appearance at the  animal shelter. . . his calm acceptance   and complete devotion to my  father. . and the proximity of their deaths.  
And suddenly I  understood. I knew that God had answered my prayers after  all.

 So, Live  While You Are  Alive.  Life is  too short for drama &  petty things, so  laugh hard, love truly and forgive quickly. Tell  the people you love  that you love them, at every opportunity.  Forgive now  those who made you cry. You  might not get  a second chance. Lost time can  never again  be found
 
 
 
Puppy Size

Danielle keeps repeating it over and over again. "We've been back to
this animal shelter at least five times. It has been weeks now since we
started all of this," the mother told the volunteer.

"What is it she keeps asking for?", the volunteer asked.

"'Puppy size!'" replied the mother.

"Well, we have plenty of puppies, if that's what she's looking for."

"I know... we have seen most of them", the mom said in frustration.

Just then Danielle came walking into the office

"Well, did you find one?" asked her mom. "No, not this time," Danielle
said with sadness in her voice. "Can we come back on the weekend?"

The two women looked at each other, shook their heads and laughed.
 
"You never know when we will get more dogs. Unfortunately, there's
always a supply," the volunteer said.

Danielle took her mother by the hand and headed to the door. "Don't
worry, I'll find one this weekend," she said.

Over the next few days both Mom and Dad had long conversations with her.

They both felt she was being too particular. "It's this weekend or we're
not looking any more," Dad finally said in frustration.

"We don't want to hear anything more about 'puppy size', either," Mom added.

Sure enough, they were the first ones in the shelter on Saturday
morning. By now Danielle knew her way around, so she ran right for the
section that housed the smaller dogs.

Tired of the routine, mom sat in the small waiting room at the end of
the first row of cages. There was an observation window so you could see
the animals during times when visitors weren't permitted.

Danielle walked slowly from cage to cage, kneeling periodically to take
a closer look. One by one the dogs were brought out and she held each one.

One by one she said, "Sorry, but you're not the one."

It was the last cage on this last day in search of the perfect pup.

The volunteer opened the cage door and the child carefully picked up the
dog and held it closely. This time she took a little longer.

"Mom, that's it! I found the right puppy! He's the one! I know it!" She
screamed with joy. "It's the puppy size!"

"But it's the same size as all the other puppies you held over the last
few weeks," Mom said.

"No...not size... The sighs. When I held him in my arms, he sighed", she
said.

"Don't you remember? When I asked you one day what love is, you told me
love depends on the sighs of your heart. The more you love, the bigger
the sigh!"

The two women looked at each other for a moment. Mom didn't know whether
to laugh or cry. As she stooped down to hug the child, she did a little
of both.

"Mom, every time you hold me, I sigh. When you and Daddy come home from
work and hug each other, you both sigh. I knew I would find the right
puppy if it sighed when I held it in my arms", she said.

Then, holding the puppy up close to her face, she said, "Mom, he loves me. I heard the sighs of his heart!"


It Came To Me

"It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them.
 
And every new dog who comes into my life gives me the gift  of a piece of their heart.
 
 If I live long enough, all parts of my heart will be dog,
and I will become as generous and loving as they are."
 
-Author Unknown
 
 

 A PET'S TEN COMMANDMENTS.........
1. My life is likely to last 10-15 years.  Any separation from you is likely to be painful.
2. Give me time to understand what you want of me .
3. Place your trust in me. It is crucial for my well-being.
4. Don't be angry with me for long and don't lock me up as punishment.  You have your work, your friends, your entertainment, but I have only you.
5. Talk to me.  Even if I don't understand your words, I do understand your voice when speaking to me.
6. Be aware that however you treat me, I will never forget it.
7. Before you hit me, before you strike me, remember that I could hurt you, and yet, I choose not to bite you.
8. Before you scold me for being lazy or uncooperative, ask yourself if something might be bothering me.  Perhaps I'm not getting the right food, I have been in the sun too long, or my heart might be getting old or weak.
9. Please take care of me when I grow old.  You too, will grow old.
10. On the ultimate difficult journey, go with me please.  Never say you can't bear to watch.  Don't make me face this alone.  Everything is easier for me if you are there, because I love you so.
~Take a moment today to thank God for your pets.  Enjoy and take good care of them.
Life would be a much duller, less joyful experience without God's critters.
~Now please pass this on to other pet owners. We do not have to wait for Heaven, to be surrounded by hope, love, and joyfulness. It is here on earth and has four legs!
 
 
 
A Dog's Soul

Every dog must have a soul, somewhere deep inside
Where all his hurts and grievences are buried  with his pride
Where he decides the good and bad
The wrong from the right,
And where his judgement carefully is hidden from our sight.
A dog must have a secret place,
where every thought abides,
A sort of close acquantance that he trusts in and confides.
And when accused unjustly for himself,
He cannot speak,
Rebuked, he finds comfort within his soul,
the comfort he must seek.
He'll love tho' he is unloved
and he'll serve tho' badly used,
And one kind word will wipe away the times when he is abused.
Altho' his heart may break in two,
his love will still be whole,
Because God gave to every dog an understanding Soul!

Author unknown
 
 

 
My dog's live here, they're here to stay:
 
You don't like pet's, be on your way. 
 
They share my home, my food, my space, this is their home, this is their place. 

You will find dog food on the floor, they will alert you're at the door.

They may request a little pat, a simple "no" will settle that.
 
It gripes me when I hear you say, "just how is it  that you live this way?" 

 
 
The Fourth Day
by Martin Scot Kosins
 
If you ever love an animal, there are three days in your life you will
always remember.
 
The first is a day, blessed with happiness, when you bring home your young
new friend.
You may have spent weeks deciding on a breed. You may have asked numerous
opinions of many vets, or done long research in finding a breeder. Or,
perhaps in a fleeting moment, you may have just chosen that silly looking
mutt in a shelter ... simply because something in its eyes reached your
heart.
But when you bring that chosen pet home, and watch it explore, and claim its
special place in your hall or frontroom - and when you feel it brush against
you for the first time - it instills a feeling of pure love you will carry
with you through the many years to come.
 
The second day will occur eight or nine or ten years later.
It will be a day like any other. Routine and unexceptional. But, for a
surprising instant, you will look at your longtime friend and see age where
you once saw youth.
You will see slow deliberate steps where you once saw energy.
And you will see sleep where you once saw activity.
So you will begin to adjust your friend's diet - and you may add a pill or
two to her food.
And you may feel a growing fear deep within yourself, which bodes of a
coming emptiness.
 
And you will feel this uneasy feeling, on and off, until the third day
finally arrives.
And on this day - if your friend and God have not decided for you, then you
will be faced with making a decision of your own - on behalf of your
lifelong friend, and with the guidance of your own deepest Spirit.
But whichever way your friend eventually leaves you - you will feel as alone
as a single star in the dark night sky.
If you are wise, you will let the tears flow as freely and as often as they
must. And if you are typical, you will find that not many in your circle of
family or human friends will be able to understand your grief, or comfort
you.
But if you are true to the love of the pet you cherished through the many
joyfilled years, you may find that a soul - a bit smaller in size than your
own - seems to walk with you, at times, during the lonely days to come.
And at moments when you least expect anything out of the ordinary to happen,
you may feel something brush against your leg - very very lightly.
And looking down at the place where your dear, perhaps dearest, friend used
to lay - you will remember those three significant days.
The memory will most likely be painful, and leave an ache in your heart -
As time passes the ache will come and go as if it has a life of its own.
You will both reject it and embrace it, and it may confuse you.
If you reject it, it will depress you.
If you embrace it, it will deepen you.
Either way, it will still be an ache.
 
But there will be, I assure you, a fourth day when - along with the memory
of your pet - and piercing through the heaviness in your heart -there will
come a realization that belongs only to you.
It will be as unique and strong as our relationship with each animal we have
loved, and lost.
This realization takes the form of a Living Love -
Like the heavenly scent of a rose that remains after the petals have wilted,
this Love will remain and grow - and be there for us to remember.
It is a Love we have earned.
It is the legacy our pets leave us when they go -
And it is a gift we may keep with us as long as we live.
It is a Love which is ours alone -
And until we ourselves leave, perhaps to join our Beloved Pets -
It is a Love that we will always possess.

 Prayer for a departed beloved pet


Dear Lord, please open your gates
and call St. Francis
to come escort this beloved companion
across the Rainbow Bridge.

Assign him to a place of honor,
for he has been a faithful servant
and has always done his best to please me.

Bless the hands that send him to you,
for they are doing so in love and compassion,
freeing him from pain and suffering.

Grant me the strength not to dwell on my loss.
Help me remember the details of his life
with the love he has shown me.
And grant me the courage to honor him
by sharing those memories with others.

Let him remember me as well
and let him know that I will always love him.
And when it's my time to pass over into your paradise,
please allow him to accompany those
who will bring me home.

Thank you, Lord,
for the gift of his companionship
and for the time we've had together.

And thank you, Lord,
for granting me the strength
to give him to you now.

Amen.
Gifts To Our Hearts

"It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them. And every new dog who comes into my life, gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough, all the components of my heart will be dog, and I will become as generous and loving as they are." 
 
Author Unknown



10 Things Your Dog Would Tell You....

My life is likely to last 10 to 15 years. Any separation from you will be painful: remember that before you get me. 
2. Give me time to understand what you want of me. 
3. Place your trust in me- it is crucial to my well being.
4. Do not be angry at me for long, and do not lock me up as punishment.
5. You have your work, your entertainment,and your friends. I only have you.
6. Talk to me sometimes. Even if I don't understands your words, I understand your voice when it is speaking to me. 
7. Be aware that how ever you treat me, I will never forget. 
8. Remember before you hit me that I have teeth that could easily hurt you, but I choose not to bite you because I love you. 
9. Before you scold me for being uncooperative,obstinate,or lazy, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I might not be getting the right food, or I have been out too long, or my heart is getting to old and weak.
10. Take care of me when I get old; you too will grow old. Go with me on difficult journeys. Never say: "I cannot bear to watch" or "Let it happen in my absence." Everything is easier for me if you are there, even my death. 
Remember that I love you.


Dog-Pennies from Heaven


I found a penny today
Just laying on the ground,
But it’s not just a penny
This little coin I’ve found.

Found pennies come from heaven
That’s what my Grandpa told me,
He said, “Dog-Angels toss them down.”
Oh, how I loved that story.

He said, “When a Dog-Angel misses you
He tosses a penny down,
Sometimes just to cheer you up
To make a smile out of your frown.”

So don’t pass by that penny
When you’re feeling blue,
It may be a penny from heaven
That your dog has tossed to you.


If it Should Be:

If it should be that I grow frail and weak, 
 And pain should keep me from my sleep, 
 Then will you do what must be done, 
 For this last battle can't be won. 
 You will be sad I understand, 
 But don't let grief then stay your hand, 
 For on this day, more than the rest, 
 Your love and friendship must stand the test. 

 We have had so many happy years, 
 You wouldn't want me to suffer so. 
 When the time comes, 
 Please, let me go. 

 Take me to where my needs they'll tend, 
 Only, stay with me until the end. 
 And hold me firm and speak to me, 
 Until my eyes no longer see. 

 I know in time you will agree, 
 It is a kindness you do to me. 
 Although my tail its last has waved, 
 From pain and suffering I have been saved. 

 Don't grieve that it must be you 
 Who has to decide this thing to do 
 We've been so close - we two - these years, 
 Don't let your heart hold any tears. 

 

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