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Wedding and Ceremony Planning - Where Do I Begin?

Congratulations, you have just become engaged! When the smoke clears a little, you find yourself wondering "how in the world do I plan a wedding?!" Well, this article will attempt to ease your worries a little, and get you started on organizing yourself to tackle this task. For some people the first task is to run, not walk, to a Wedding Coordinator. What is a Wedding Coordinator? In short, a Wedding Coordinator, or Wedding Consultant can do some of the work of planning your wedding, and/or she/he can work with you to do much of the planning, and arrange for many or all of the services you will need for your special day. Coordinators' services and fees are wide ranging, and that's an entirely different article! For now, let's concentrate on what has to be done, and you can decide who is going to do it.

There are a small number (5) of decisions that should be made at the very start of the planning process, because many other choices will rest upon them. The tricky part is that sometimes they are so interwoven that it is difficult to know which one decision to make first! But, here they are, and I suggest you just make in-roads, and things will begin to fall into place.

Major Decisions (stage 1)

1.      Style and Formality

You must think very early in the process about what style of wedding you want, and how formal or informal an affair it will be. In terms of style, do you long for a quaint country wedding or a sophisticated society bash? This decision sets a tone for the entire wedding, and all decisions will be related to this choice. In particular, the type of invitation you send will convey something to your guests about the style of your wedding, and thus, the way they should dress for the occasion. You will be making decisions about your own (and your attendant's) attire soon as well, and these features should all reflect the same style and level of formality. The level of formality is related (in terms of "official" etiquette, that is) to the time of day of your wedding and reception. For example, a very formal wedding is not usually held in the middle of the day.

2.      Type of Reception

You should decide what type of food service and overall "feeling" you are looking for at your reception. Will the reception be indoors or outdoors or both? Are you thinking about a sit-down meal, a buffet, or a cocktail reception on the terrace? Do you foresee yourself and your guests dancing, enjoying the bar and sitting down to a five course dinner, or do you imagine volleyball and croquet on the lawn, with a barbecue and a keg of beer? These preferences dictate the type of setting you will choose for your reception and may increase or reduce certain limitations involved with the reception facility (whether or not they provide food, service, etc).

3.      Number of Guests

You will need to have some idea of How Many in order to determine a rough budget, and to look at facilities and catering in the near future, you will need to have a basic idea of how many guests (you can start by narrowing it down to large—more than 150, or small—less than 50). You also need to determine how you will divide up the guest list in terms of how many guests each "host" can invite. One way is to determine the maximum or optimum number of people you can invite, and then decide how many people each person can invite. In some cases, each set of parents may invite one-third, and the bride and groom invite one-third. Or perhaps one-third each for the bride and the groom, and the parents can invite the rest. The best advice—decide on a total number and get agreement from everyone that they will stick to it! (Otherwise, you will probably see the total number inching up and up, as people keep thinking of "just one more person" to invite!)

4.      Budget

Talk with the families to determine who will pay for what. If one set of parents are paying for most expenses, it may make the most sense to ask them to tell you how much they are willing and able to spend overall. This allows the bride & groom to make a budget and allocate the money as they see fit, rather than requesting a dollar amount for each line item. This takes some of the emotional content out of the process. Barring this, at least have a target amount that you want to spend. If you find expenses are overshooting this, adjust accordingly.

5.      Time of Year

What seasonal special features are you looking for? Would you like your ceremony in a garden with lots of flowers in bloom? Do the crisp air and colors of the Fall foliage spell romance for you? Or are you more entranced by a candlelit ceremony with bridesmaids dressed in red velvet? Plan accordingly, and know that some seasonal features are highly sought-after, which means planning farther in advance. Think about the amount of time you need for planning your wedding, and work in your desired season/time of year leaving yourself enough time to plan, or adjusting your expectations to account for a shorter time frame, if needed.

There! Those are the "biggies"! When you have made these decisions, congratulate yourselves (heck, it calls for an outright celebration!), and then move on to the Next Decisions, and finally, The Details, listed below.

Next Decisions (stage 2)

These are the decisions that depend upon the "Major Decisions", and are important in shaping your wedding. Try not to get too overwhelmed, and just take them one at a time.

Ceremony and Reception Locations—Book these in keeping with the style and formality decisions you made in the earlier stages. Often, the church is one of the most challenging to find, so you should probably wait until you have found one that you are sure about before setting a definite date and informing people.

Date and Time—Work with both families to narrow this down to a final date and time. This can be emotionally charged—bear in mind that you probably will not be able to accommodate every friend and relative in setting your date. Just try to make it work for yourselves and immediate family, and perhaps special friends if you are planning to ask them to be attendants. Once your date is firm, inform friends and relatives who have to travel from any distance, so that they can begin making their travel plans.

Officiant—This could be a clergy person, or Justice of the Peace, and in some states there are other options. Many churches require you to use their officiant.

Attendants—Decide how many attendants you want (a general guideline is 1 usher for 50 guests) . Sometimes people try to have an even number of men and women, but this is becoming more flexible. The important thing is to have the people in your wedding who are special to you (if possible, try to avoid including people out of obligation, just because you were in their wedding. Additionally, try to avoid having "difficult people"—you want things to go smoothly, your attendants should be supporting you, not draining energy from you!)

Attire—The bride should find her dress first, and then work on selecting bridesmaid attire. A wedding gown may take 6 months or more to order. The bridesmaids gowns should take less. The groom and his attendants can probably get their tuxes (or what-have-you) all at the same time, and this should be done 4 to 10 months before the wedding.

Invitation selection—You can go to a printer, stationery store or bridal accessories shop to find a huge selection of invitations from which to choose (or you can have them hand lettered, or even print them yourself with a high quality computer printer) You should expect to mail the invitations 4-6 weeks prior to the wedding, and you should plan plenty of time to have them printed (and reprinted, if necessary) and delivered to you. Remember that you have to hand address all of them, so give yourself enough time for this as well. (People sometimes enlist help from their friends/bridesmaids for this job). Remember to order or make some sort of response card to mail with the invitations for guests to mail back informing you of whether or not they plan to attend.

Develop guest list—This obviously goes hand-in-hand with the above task. Given the time frame needed for the invitations, you'll need to have your guest list complete by 6-8 weeks before the wedding day. Start with a number limit that you feel comfortable with, and make an "A list", "B list" and "C list" (parents can do the same with their list, or simply give you a list of the people they want to invite, and you can negotiate as you go along). The "A list" is those people who will unquestionably be invited, the "B" is for people that you would really like to be there, but could "cut" if absolutely necessary, and "C" might be for co-workers, acquaintances, etc, whom you could leave off the final list if you exceed your target number. Typically, you can expect about 80-90 percent of invitees to actually attend your wedding, but if there's a "Murphy's Law of weddings", it may apply here, and you may have a higher percentage of attendees, so plan accordingly.

Reception Menu Ideas/Style—Now is the time to narrow down your thoughts about what kind of food, and overall style you want for your reception. In the first decision stage, you may have decided on an informal wedding, now it's time to think about whether that means cake and punch, a cocktail party or a pig-roast and hoe-down! Finances can certainly come into play in this decision—it's time to begin talking with service providers to get a feel for costs of various types of food service (sit-down with service, buffet, stations, etc). Start thinking about anything special you want in terms of a wedding cake, as well.

Service Providers (Caterer, Photographer, Florist, Musicians, Videographer, Transportation, etc) —Use websites like this one, local wedding directories, word-of-mouth recommendations from friends, and even the phone book to get names and phone numbers of providers of the various wedding services, and begin to contact vendors. You will want to personally meet any vendor that you are considering hiring, and in most cases you will make an appointment to meet them at their place of business. In general, it is probably a good idea to meet with more than one vendor for each type of service, to get a sense of what different options you have.

Honeymoon Destination & Plans—On top of everything else you are doing, you have to think about planning your honeymoon! Traditionally, this is the groom's responsibility, but you should divide tasks in whatever way works best for your situation. You will need to think about transportation to and from your destination, and lodging and food for while you are there. Make sure you can both get the time off from your jobs.

Wedding Rings—You don't need these too far ahead, but give yourselves time to find what you want if you are looking for something out of the ordinary. Make sure to have them far enough ahead of time that any necessary adjustments (sizing, engraving) can be made in plenty of time for the wedding day.

Equipment Rental—If you are having a "tent wedding", or a wedding in any place other than a fully equipped facility, you may need to rent anything from the tent and portable toilets, to tables, chairs, china, silverware and chafing dishes. If your wedding is in a high demand season, you will need to make arrangements for these rentals well ahead of time, as many rental companies have only enough chairs to "do" one large wedding at a time. Often the rental company will have a showroom with sample tables set up, so you can see the selections of dishware and linens all laid out in combinations. Do not forget to think about any rental items you may need for the ceremony, such as candelabra or trellises.

Rehearsal Dinner—Traditionally, this is the domain of the parents of the groom. It is generally an opportunity for the wedding party and close family members to celebrate in a more intimate setting (it follows the rehearsal, where you iron out the details of the ceremony). It is often the scene of many toasts to the future of the bride and groom, and is the time when the couple give their thank-you gifts to their attendants. Some people opt for a casual gathering, perhaps a barbecue at someone's home, while others book a private space in a restaurant. Some families also invite any extended family or out-of-town guests who have already arrived for the wedding.

Details (stage 3)

Color Scheme—bridesmaid's attire, table linens, flower colors, ceremony site and reception decorations (balloons, garlands, etc.
Ceremony—readings, special features, musical choices.
Wedding day schedule—order of events, timing.
Reception music selections.
Flower arrangements.
Final decisions on food and beverage—Find out when your caterer needs a final head count.
Marriage License—usually obtained from the Town Clerk in the town or county where the couple resides or where the marriage will be performed. Some states require blood tests, and some have a waiting period.

Cost Cutting Tips For Ceremonies

Hold your wedding and reception in the same location-this could save you the cost of renting 2 different facilities. If your reception facility has space for ceremonies, they typically will not charge extra for you to hold your ceremony there (unless there are special requirements such as chairs needing to be moved, or a tent or other equipment).

You can save a great deal on the costs of flowers by doing your own arrangements, or having a friend or friends do it for you. Some brides have a gathering the day before the wedding to decorate the reception hall, and arrange the flowers.

Buy flowers from a store or market and use inexpensive vases--for a country wedding, you can even use mason jars--and make simple arrangements for the tables.

Each arrangement could be different. If the vase is too small for the center of the table, use a basket, or put a napkin of contrasting color in the center, and put vase on that. Or spread ivy or other greens around in the center of the table, perhaps around the vase to fill out the centerpiece.

You can have a very nice reception with only cake and punch—proper etiquette dictates that this type of reception should be held in mid-afternoon, or after seven at night.

To cut costs, consider having a small "fancy" cake, and then having the baker provide sheet cakes of the same kind, which are kept out of view, and served to supplement the display cake. OR provide another type of dessert, such as ice cream cake, or petite fours, and serve guests a very small slice of the wedding cake.

For small, informal wedding receptions, this tip could provide cost savings, as well as a personal touch: ask several friends to bake normal sized cakes, and guests can select the kind of cake they want.

Borrow a cake-top from someone-perhaps your parents or grandparents still have the one from their wedding cake!

A brunch or hors d' oeuvres reception is typically less expensive than a main meal/sit-down dinner. A buffet may be less expensive than a served meal, although not necessarily. Also, "passed hours d' oeuvres" may be more costly than a buffet-style hors d' oeuvre offering - people may eat more when the food comes to them!

Some vendors offer a discount for non-Saturday or Off-Peak times (off season, weekdays, Sundays).

You may find that service providers who work out of their homes (photographers, cake bakers, caterers, etc) are less expensive than those who have a shop.

You may be able to negotiate a discount if you pay cash instead of using a check or credit card. However, remember that paying with a credit card offers some protection in terms of postponing or withholding payment if there is a problem with the service or product.

Talk with photographers to see what their "package" of services includes, and if they will be flexible in order to help you save money.

Some photographers will provide fewer hours of coverage—perhaps just the ceremony and formal portraits afterward. You could provide disposable cameras for the reception and/or ask specific people to take specific photographs and you will provide the film and you will take care of the processing.

Ask the photographer if the proofs (the set of photographs you are given to select your reprints from) are included in the package price.

Some photographers will give you a certain number of hours of coverage, and then will give you the exposed rolls of film to take for processing and reprints. This saves them the time and effort of dealing with that aspect of it, and it will save you a great deal of money.

Ask if you can have or purchase the negatives. The photographer may want you to purchase a certain number of prints through him/her, but after that you can get any additional reprints on your own, saving you money.

If you want to save money on your wedding gown, try these options: borrow from a friend or relative, buy "off the rack", look at consignment shops, alter your mother's or grandmother's gown, or incorporate its design or pieces from it into a custom made gown for yourself.

You are generally expected to provide food for service providers such as: band members, photographer, videographer, etc. However, you are not "required" to provide them with the same meal that you are providing for your guests. You can make arrangements for a less expensive meal or they can be invited to partake of the buffet when the guests have finished. Discuss this with your caterer.

Save money on flowers by using flowers that are in-season at the time of your wedding.

Plan to have your decorative ceremony flower arrangements taken to the reception hall to decorate tables and entrances. This way, your flowers do double-duty!

Use the bride's and/or the attendants' bouquets to decorate the tables at your reception. This works especially well with "hand-tied" bouquets; they can simply be put into a vase or laid on the table as centerpieces.

Use balloons as decorations, they are less expensive than flowers. Tie a balloon onto the back of each chair at the head table to add color and interest.

Ceremony Outline

Here is how most weddings go. Of course, your wedding can be as unique and creative as you wish.

With background music playing softly, the groomsmen seat the guests as they arrive, the groom's side is on the right, the bride's on the left, looking at the front of the room from the rear.

When the bride and groom are dressed and the necessary guests have arrived, the mothers (and dads) are seated.

When the bride indicates that she is ready, the minister, groom, and groomsmen walk up to the front and take their places facing the door through which the bride will come; the minister in the middle, the groom on his left, the best man on his left and so forth.

Next, the music changes and the bride's attendants, ring bearer, and flower girl(s) walk in slowly, one after the other. They stand on the minister's right with the maid of honor standing closest to the minister. They also face the door through which the bride will appear. Some groups place tape on the floor to mark where they will each stand.

Then the bride and her escort (usually her father) appear, the music changes again, and the minister asks everyone to rise. The two walk slowly to the front and pause four feet from the minister, who asks who comes to place the bride's hand in the grooms. The escort says "we do" or "I do," places their hands together, and then steps back. The minister reads the scripture and then asks the guests to be seated.

After some welcoming remarks and the bride and groom's promises, the minister asks for the rings. After the groom says his vows, he slips the ring on the bride's left hand. Same for the bride, she repeats her vows, line-by-line, and then slips the ring on his left hand.

At this point in the ceremony, many couples like to do the signing of the marriage certificate so all the guests can see and enjoy that part. Many couples use special music as the groom signs, then the bride, the two witnesses and finally the minister.

After the blessing for the marriage and the closing prayer, the minister pronounces the couple husband and wife and says, "you may kiss each other." Following the kiss, the couple may choose to be introduced as Mr. and Mrs. ___.

The music booms in, everyone claps, the bride and groom walk out with lively steps, the maid of honor takes the best man's arm and they walk swiftly out followed by the other groomsmen and bride's maids arm in arm.

Many couples are choosing to have the guests remain seated at the end, so the bride and groom can circle around to the front of the gathering to greet and hug everyone row by row and release them to go to the buffet and begin eating. Of course the very first people to be greeted and hugged are their parents who were seated in the front row.

The advantage of avoiding the traditional reception line is speed. By moving through the crowd instead of the guest filing by, the bride and groom do not get stuck in an hour-long reception line, starving. They are also ready to pose for photos much sooner.

Regarding pictures, each couple needs to decide whether they want to give their photographer free reign during the entire ceremony. Most couples do, and they treasure their photo albums very much. Many couples have enjoyed the photos they developed after placing disposable cameras on each table for guests to capture candid shots of one another and the bride and groom.

After the ceremony, remember five events: the cake cutting, the toast, your first dance, and the bouquet and garter throwing.

Remember that there are no rules. The bride and groom are the stars on their wedding day and they should have everything just as they want so that the day expresses what they want to say.

Wedding & Ceremony Preparation Checklist

6-12 MONTHS BEFORE THE WEDDING

• Reserve the date with your florist, photographer, videographer and disk jockey

• Set the date and time of the wedding

• Reserve the location

• For church and synagogue weddings, visit appropriate clergy members.

• Establish the wedding budget

• Choose attendants, honor attendants and ushers

• Order your wedding invitations and announcements

• Pick out the Bride's gown and headpiece

• Shop for attendant's attire and accessories

• Establish a color scheme

• Order your wedding rings

• Register for china, silver and crystal patterns and other home gifts

2-4 MONTHS BEFORE THE WEDDING

• Meet with your florist to order your wedding flowers. (Bring a sketch or photo of your dress and color swatches of your bridesmaids' dresses.)

• Address all wedding invitations and announcements

• Plan rehearsal dinner

• Arrange lodging for out-of -town guests and attendants

• Select music and meet with disk jockey, videographer and photographer

• Have your wedding portrait taken

• Order the wedding cake

4-6 WEEKS BEFORE THE WEDDING

• Contact your florist for an appointment to review your order

• Send "thank you" flowers to the hosts of your pre-wedding parties

• Mail your wedding invitations

• Have the final fitting of your gown

• Meet with the photographer, videographer and disk jockey to update them on the details

• Arrange special transportation for the wedding party

• Select the groom's gift

• Prepare seating chart for reception guests

• Write thank-you notes for shower gifts and wedding gifts as they arrive

• Place announcement in local newspapers

2 WEEKS BEFORE THE WEDDING

• Make final check with your florist. (Double check delivery times and locations.)

• Order "thank-you" flowers to be sent to parents after the wedding

• Obtain the marriage license

• Make name changes on bank accounts and official documents

• Keep a list of wedding gifts and their senders as they arrive

• Finalize seating chart for reception guests

1 WEEK BEFORE THE WEDDING

• Give the final guest count for the reception to the reception coordinator

• Arrange pick up of guests and attendants arriving at airports

• Enjoy the benefits of good planning and a have a beautiful wedding day!!

General Wedding & Ceremony Planning Tips

It is not unusual for ceremony sites and reception sites to be booked one or two years in advance, so be aware of this when looking into sites. It makes sense to check into sites before setting a definite date, as your date may have to be adjusted in order to book a favorite site.

Ceremony sites may be the most difficult to find, particularly if you want to be married in a church but are not affiliated with one in the area where you want to be wed. It might be best to find the church first before booking a reception facility, or perhaps even before setting a definite date. That way, you can still reschedule for a date when the church can accommodate you. Other options for your ceremony/reception could include: Parks, public gardens, museums, trains, boats, mountaintop, beach, a "field of daisies", hot air balloon, hotel, public hall, under a tent, historic homes/mansions, your own back yard or that of someone you know, Inns/Bed & Breakfasts—the possibilities are endless!

Get every agreement in writing. If the vendor doesn't have a formal contract, just write down the details as you understand them, and ask the vendor to sign and date it. Give them a copy if possible. The importance of this detail cannot be overestimated; without written information, you are dependent on the memory and kindness of the vendors.

Determine guest list/number of people early in the decision process. Some couples divide the list in 2, and each partner can invite half of the total number. Some couples have their parents invite one-third of the total number. Just remember--it is your wedding, so be sure you can include the people who are really important to you.

To cut back on the number of guests, think about eliminating business associates from your list, as well as escorts for unmarried relatives/guests, especially those from out of town.

Your budget total will determine many decisions about your wedding, so if you have limited funds, set a budget amount early. Many other questions rest on this, such as the type of food service at your reception (buffet, cocktails, formal sit-down dinner, and alcohol choices).

If your parents are paying for all or most of the wedding, it may be a good idea to ask them at the start for the total amount they will be willing to spend on your wedding, rather than having to "check in" about each item as you decide upon it.

Some couples arrange for a special "Welcome" basket for each of the hotel rooms where their attendants, out-of-town relatives and guests are staying. It could include fruit and other snacks, personal care items, and brochures for points of interest in the area.

If you are having several out-of-town guests, you might want to make up a flyer to leave in their hotel rooms (or mail it with the invitation/directions/map) that tells them about things they can do while in town. Include shopping, historic and natural points of interest, and perhaps recommendations for restaurants

CAKES

Find out if your baker or caterer includes the cake cutting in their service. What about pouring champagne for the toast? Do they provide a special knife for the bride and groom cake-cutting ceremony, or is this something you'll want to provide (perhaps a family heirloom)?

Make sure the reception site will accommodate the cake baker in terms of setting up the cake table before the guests arrive, keeping the cake cool (out of the sun, rolling table...) Think ahead of time about where you want the cake table set up in the room, where people will be able to view the cake-cutting ceremony.

To cut costs, consider having a small "fancy" cake, and then having the baker provide sheet cakes of the same kind, which are kept out of view, and served to supplement the display cake. OR provide another type of dessert, such as ice cream cake, or petite fours, and serve guests a very small slice of the wedding cake.

For small, informal wedding receptions, this tip could provide cost savings, as well as a personal touch: ask several friends to bake normal sized cakes, and guests can select the kind of cake they want.

Generally, wedding cakes are priced by the slice, or per person. The cost range is approximately $2.50 to $5 per slice. Some reception sites insist that you purchase their food and cakes. Some places allow you to bring in your own cake, but may charge a per plate "cutting fee".

FOOD/CATERING

Find out if your reception site provides food, and what the charges will include (china and glassware, servers, table linens?). Some sites will not allow outside (off-premise) caterers, but will provide all food service themselves. If this is the case, often they will charge a "package" rate; find out precisely what the package includes (get it in writing!)

If caterers provide dishes, silverware and glasses, try to see a sample, or at least ask what the products are--you wouldn't want to be surprised when you find out they're paper products! Likewise for napkins and tablecloths, if provided.

Many caterers (particularly those with a restaurant or other venue) will let you arrange for a "tasting", at which you can try out their food. It is also advisable to see their venue set up for a wedding reception or similar party. Try to see how smoothly things flow, how things look, and how much attention is paid to details.

Be aware that many sites and caterers may automatically charge a "gratuity" of 15-20% of the cost of the meal and bar. This charge is intended to cover the cost of the service staff. Alternatively, some sites may simply charge a "labor charge" per waiter per hour.

GOWN/APPAREL

Many brides buy their wedding dress from a Bridal Shop, or Bridal Salon. Other options are: a department store, consignment shop, discount service or mail order, having the gown made for you, altering someone else's gown (perhaps your mother or grandmother), or borrowing or renting a dress.

Bridal Shops specialize in bridal attire and formalwear (sometimes only for women, but sometimes men's and women's formalwear). Their salespeople specialize in helping brides find a wedding gown, and you often get very personal attention. Some shops require you to make an appointment in advance. Many shops carry only "samples" for you to try on; you have to special-order your gown.

Find your wedding gown first, before shopping for bridesmaid's attire or mother’s dresses. Your gown should match the theme or "tone" you are planning for you wedding, and the other dresses can be "matched" to that.

Bring someone with you to shop for your gown-a friend or relative who can be supportive, yet objective. It's probably best to bring just one person—too many opinions can make the task even more difficult!

Look through the bridal magazines to get an idea of the styles you like (and dislike). Take those pages with you when you go to the shop, to help the salespeople select dresses that are similar, for you to try on.

Do not look at too many dresses at one time/in one shop. You will have trouble remembering what-you-saw-where.

Take a notepad, so you can note details about the dresses you liked, and refer to them later.

You may need to order your wedding gown as far in advance as three to six months - sometimes even more. You will also need to plan on enough time for alterations, which could require a month's wait.

INVITATIONS

You'll want your invitation to represent the style of wedding you're having, so it's good to think about this ahead of time.

If your wedding will be formal, your invitation could be on fancy paper, engraved, with all the formal wording and inserts.

If, however, you'll be married in a field of daisies, consider sending more casually-styled invitations, perhaps with a "newsletter" type insert, telling guests to dress less formally and wear comfortable shoes!

Formal invitations traditionally have included the following:

o Engraved or thermo graphed invitation card.

o Inner and outer envelopes

o Tissue paper insert

o Reception cards, noting the time and location of the reception.

o Response cards, for guests to mail back telling you how many people are coming.

If you have oversized envelopes or a lot of extra papers (maps, etc) included with the invitation, you should expect to add extra postage to the envelopes. This cost can add up quickly.

Once you have all the items you plan to send with the invitations, assemble one complete envelope, and take to the Post Office to find out how much postage it will need. Ask about any special stamps they have available in the denomination you need.

Remember that you need to put stamps on the response cards so that people can send them back to you. Account for this in your invitations budget.

Many couples order all their paper goods at the same time as the invitations, including place cards for the tables, and thank-you notes. For less formal weddings/invitations, thank-you cards can be simply pretty cards, with or without "Thank You" written on them, bought at a stationery store.

It might be helpful to address the thank-you notes at the same time that you address the wedding invitations. You are likely to feel "wedding-ed out" just after the wedding, and this trick can provide a little momentum for getting those thank-you notes out!

BANQUET/RECEPTION FACILITIES

Guests often have to wait at the reception while the bride and groom have their wedding photos taken. Here are a few ideas about how to keep them happy while they're waiting:

For an early afternoon wedding, people may be hungry, so provide simple hors d'oeuvres like crackers and cheese and veggies and dip that will take the edge off their hunger, but not cost you very much extra.

Make up placemats or cards for the tables that have trivia or other conversation starters. (trivia about the bride and groom, general wedding-customs trivia, etc.) You could even just put cards from one of the commercially made trivia games out on the tables!

Decorate the cake table or guest book table with photographs of the bride and groom as children, and other family photos (for example, parents' or grandparents' wedding photographs, etc)

It is an absolute must that you visit any reception site before deciding to hold your wedding reception there. Contact the Sales or Catering Manager and arrange for a site visit. The visit should take about an hour, and ideally both bride and groom should see it together. The manager will probably give you a pamphlet with their wedding information; take notes on this about any details that you might base your decision on.

Before you begin your search for a facility, think about what features and activities you want to include in your reception, so you will know whether the facility can meet your needs. For example, if you want dancing, you will need a site with ample space separate from the area where the tables are (or you will have to arrange to have the tables moved out of the way after the meal). Does the facility have a sound amplification system? Is the floor surface adequate for dancing? Etc.

Many reception facilities have their own "Wedding Coordinator", and often this person can help you with a wide range of planning details. They usually know about vendors for most of the other services you need, and some will make the arrangements for you. This person may also be available to you on the day of your reception, to coordinate the various providers and activities and keep things running smoothly.

Wedding Music Ideas

Prelude - As guests arrive, about 30 minutes prior to the ceremony

Classical/Traditional/Contemporary

1. Spring, from The Four Seasons - Vivaldi

2. Prelude from Te Deum - Charpenter

3. Air, from The Water Music - Handel

4. Pavane - Faure

5. Fur Elise - Poco Moto - Beethoven

6. Minuet - Boccherini

7. Piano Concert 21 - 2nd Mov (Elvira Madigan Movie) - Mozart

8. Sleeping Beauty Waltz - Tchaikovsky

9. Ave Verum Corpus - Mozart

10. Rondo Allegretto - Alla Turca - Mozart

11. Prelude to Afternoon of a Fawn - Debussy

12. Nocturne - Op.9 in Eb Major - Chopin

13. Adagio from Piano Sonata in Eb - Mozart

14. One Hand, One Heart - West Side Story

15. Love Theme From Romeo and Juliet

16. All I Ask of You - Phantom of the Opera

17. My Romance - Rogers & Hart

Processional - Wedding party entrance
Classical/Traditional/Contemporary

1.      Canon in D - Pachelbel

2.      Guitar Concerto in D (Largo) - Vivaldi

3.      Trumpet Voluntary - Clarke

4.      Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring (Cantata 147) - Bach

5.      Prelude from Te Deum - Charpentier

6.      Pathetique Sonata - Adagio Cantabile - Beethoven

7.      Etude 3 In Eb - Lento Ma Non Troppo - Chopin

8.      To a Wild Rose - MacDowell

9.      Trio Op.49 No.1 - 2nd Movement - Andante Con Moto Tranquillo - Mendelssohn

10. In My Life - The Beatles

11. One Hand, One Heart - West Side Story

12. Through the Eyes of Love - Ice Castles Theme

13. Amazing Grace

14. Erev Shel Shoshanim

15. Erev Ba

Bride's Entrance

Classical/Traditional/Contemporary

1.      Wedding March from Lohengrin - Wagner

2.      Trumpet Voluntary (Prince of Denmark March) - Clarke

3.      Arioso - Bach

4.      Erev Shel Shoshanim

5.      Dodi Li

Incidental - Played during the body of your ceremony, such as Unity Candle, interlude, and as musical transitions between readings

Classical/Traditional/Contemporary

1.      Ava Maria - Schubert
2.   Arioso - Bach
3.      Sheep May Safely Graze - Bach

4.      Clair de Lune - Debussy

5.      Panis Angelicas - Franck

6.      Suite in B Minor (Minuet) - Bach

7.      Wachet Auf (Sleepers Awake)- Cantata No. 140 - Bach

8.      Lords Prayer - Malotte

9.      The Wedding Song - Paul Stookey

10. Through the Eyes of Love - Ice Castles Theme

11. From This Moment - Shania Twain

12. All I Ask of You - Phantom of the Opera

13. Amazing Grace

14. Surely the Presence of the Lord

15. Let There Be Peace on Earth

16. Gift of Love

17. Endless Love

Recessional - Exit of bride/groom and wedding party
Classical/Traditional/Contemporary

1.      Ode to Joy - Beethoven

2.      Wedding March, From a Midsummer Night's Dream - Mendelssohn

3.      Brandenburg Concerto (Allegro) - Bach

4.      Allegro Maestoso (Hornpipe), From Water Music - Handel

5.      Spring, from The Four Seasons - Vivaldi

6.      Autumn, from The Four Seasons - Vivaldi

7.      Rondeau (Masterpiece Theatre Theme) - Mouret

8.      Sunshine of My Life - Stevie Wonder

9.      My Heart Will Go On (Titanic) - Celine Dion

10. Siman Tov, Mazel Tov

Postlude - Following the Recessional, as all guests exit

Classical/Traditional/Contemporary

1.      Le Rejouissance, from Music for the Royal Fireworks - Handel

2.      Rondeau (Masterpiece Theatre Theme) - Mouret

3.      A Whole New World - Alladin's Theme

4.      It Had to Be You - Kahn

5.      When You Wish Upon a Star - Disney

6.      Someone to Watch Over Me - Gershwin

WEDDING SONG SUGGESTION LIST

COUPLE’S FIRST DANCE

1. From This Moment On By: Shania Twain And Bryan White

2. All My Life By: K-Ci & Jojo

3. Wonderful Tonight By: Eric Clapton

4. Don’t Want To Miss A Thing By: Aerosmith

5. Here And Now By: Luther Vandross

6. Everything I Do By: Bryan Adams

7. What A Wonderful World By: Louis Armstong

8. Truly, Madly, Deeply By: Savage Garden

9. Unchained Melody By: Righteous Brothers

10. Because You Loved Me By: Celine Dion

11. I Cross My Heart By: George Strait

MOTHER/SON DANCE

1. A Song For Mama By: Boyz Ii Men

2. Wind Beneath My Wings            By: Bette Midler

3. Through The Years By: Kenny Rogers

4. What A Wonderful World By: Louis Armstrong

5. Sunrise, Sunset By: Fiddler On The Roof

6. Unforgettable By: Nat King Cole

7. Have I Told You Lately That I Love You By: Rod Stewart

8. You’re The Inspiration By: Chicago

9. Blessed By: Elton John

10. I Will Always Love You By: Whitney Houston

FATHER/DAUGHTER DANCE

1. Daddy’s Little Girl By: Al Martino

2. Because You Loved Me By: Celine Dion

3. Unforgetable By: Natalie Cole

4. Wind Beneath My Wings            By: Bette Midler

5. Through The Years By: Kenny Rogers

6. Butterfly Kisses By: Bob Carlisle

7. Sunrise, Sunset By: Fiddler On The Roof

8. Have I Told You Lately That I Love You By: Rod Stewart

9. You Are So Beautiful By: Joe Cocker

10. Can You Feel The Love Tonight By: Elton John

11. Father’s Love By: Bob Carlisle

FAMILY DANCE

1. Because You Loved Me By: Celine Dion

2. Blessed By: Elton John

3. Forever In Love By: Kenny G

4. Have I Told You Lately By: Van Morrison

5. Stand By Me By: Ben E. King

6. Through The Years By: Kenny Rogers

7. What A Wonderful World By: Louis Armstrong

8. Wind Beneath My Wings By: Bette Midler

9. Unforgettable By: Natalie Cole

WEDDING PARTY DANCE

1. That’s What Friends Are For By: Dionne Warwick

2. Celebration By: Kool And The Gang

3. We Are Family By: Sister Sledge

4.   You’re Still The One By: Shania Twain

5. From This Moment On By: Shania Twain And Bryan White

6. Truly, Madly, Deeply By: Savage Garden

7. Friends In Low Places By: Garth Brooks

8. Because You Loved Me By: Celine Dion

9. What A Wonderful World By: Louis Armstrong

10. All My Life By: Kc & Jojo

11. Endless Love By: Lionel Ritchie & Diana Ross

12. Everybody Have Fun Tonight By: Wang Chung

13. In Your Eyes By: Peter Gabriel

14. Ymca By: Village People

CAKE CUTTING

1. All My Life By: K-Ci & Jojo

2. From This Moment By: Shania Twain And Bryan White

3. Hit Me With Your Best Shot By: Pat Benatar

4. I Don’t Want To Miss A Thingby: Aerosmith

5. In Your Eyes By: Peter Gabriel

6. I Swear By: All For One

7. It Had To Be You By: Harry Connick Jr.

8. Love And Marriage By: Frank Sinatra

9. Recipe For Love By: Harry Connick Jr.

10. Unchained Melody By: Righteous Brothers

11. Unforgettable By: Nat King Cole

GARTER

1. The Stripper By: David Rose

2. Legs By: Zz Top

3. You Can Leave Your Hat On By: Joe Cocker

4. Oh, Pretty Woman By: Roy Orbison

5. Wild Thing By: The Troggs

6. Kiss By: Prience

7. Oh Yeah By: Yello

8. Bad Boys By: Inner Circle

9. Another One Bites The Dust By: Queen

10. Curly Shuffle By: Jumpn’ The Saddle

11. Gimme All Your Lovin By: Zz Top

12. Let’s Get It On By: Marvin Gaye

13. Macho Man By: Village People

14. Shamless By: Garth Brooks

15. U Can’t Touch This By: Mc Hammer

LAST DANCE OF EVENING

1. Last Dance By: Donna Summer

2. Wonderful Tonight By: Eric Clapton

3. Save The Best For Last By: Vanessa Williams

4. Goodnight Sweetheart By: Spaniels

5. Your Still The One By: Shania Twain

6. Could I Have This Dance            By: Anne Murray

7. I Swear By: All For One

8. I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing   By: Aerosmith

9. The Way You Look Tonight By: Eric Clapton

10. Always & Forever By: Heatwave

11. I Cross My Heart By: George Strait

12. I Love The Way You Love Me By: John Michael Montgomery

13. Margartiaville By: Jimmy Buffet

14. The Dance By: Garth Brooks

15. Truly, Madly, Deeply By: Savage Garden

16. Unforgettable By: Nat King Cole

OTHER SUGGESTIONS FOR SPECIAL DANCES OR SONGS

1.      _______________________________________________________________________________

2.      _______________________________________________________________________________

3.      _______________________________________________________________________________

4.      _______________________________________________________________________________

5.      _______________________________________________________________________________

6.      _______________________________________________________________________________

7.      _______________________________________________________________________________

8.      _______________________________________________________________________________

9.      _______________________________________________________________________________

10.    _______________________________________________________________________________

PLEASE INCLUDE THE SONG TITLE AND ARTIST AND RETURN SONG LIST TO THE DJ 7 TO 10 DAYS PRIOR TO THE EVENT.

Productive Wedding Rehearsals

The purpose of the wedding rehearsal – This gives us the opportunity to figure out all the tiny logistical details of entering, exiting, which way to face, handling the rings, handling the bouquet, etc. Having all these minute details rehearsed in advance will make your wedding ceremony run smoothly so you and your parents can be proud. When I coordinate a wedding rehearsal, we always go through the entire ceremony three times to be sure everyone is comfortable with what they are supposed to be doing. The first time is always a mess – don’t worry about that. It gets better each time until the last time is perfect.

Who should attend the wedding rehearsal - All members of the wedding party including bride, groom, best man, maid of honor, bridesmaids, groomsmen, ushers, flower girl, ring bearer, readers, mothers and fathers. Ideally, the musician(s) or DJ will also attend so cues and timing can be coordinated. Everyone should arrive on time because we will start on time.

Know in advance of the rehearsal where any large decorative structures (wedding arch, ferns, pedestals, etc.) are going to be so we can tape off an area to avoid.

Have a few chairs set up to represent the front row, so we can judge the amount of space needed and also because we will practice seating the mothers.

I have seen many brides and bridesmaids bring mock bouquets made of paper plates and ribbon to the rehearsal. This is an excellent idea so everyone can get used to holding them. The bride may also want to have a mock veil or train if you are going to wear them in the ceremony.

If there is going to be an aisle runner, decide ahead of time who will pull it out and at what point in the procession it will be done. Traditionally, it was done just prior to the bride’s entrance but I have seen it changed so that the entire wedding party walks on the runner.

Decide if you want the groomsmen to come in all together in the beginning or paired up with bridesmaids. If they are to enter in pairs, decide in advance who will walk with whom.

If you are going to have a unity candle, we will practice that with the actual candles that will be used in the ceremony. Each unity candle and their holders are configured slightly different, so it will be important to rehearse with the same one that will be used at your wedding. Notice, a unity candle is NOT recommended for outdoor weddings.

If you are having a rose presentation during your ceremony, we will rehearse that as well. Since this part of the ceremony may be a surprise for the recipients of the roses, plan on just the Bride and Groom remaining a few minutes after everyone else has left and we will rehearse that part separately.

Bring your marriage license to me at the rehearsal. Traditionally, it is the Best Man that is responsible for remembering this detail.

Be prepared on the evening of the rehearsal to pay any vendors that are supposed to be paid prior to the wedding.

It may be convenient to meet with other wedding professionals such as caterers, photographers, decorators, florists, etc on the evening of the rehearsal. Arrange time to meet with each of them separately from the rehearsal time. The rehearsal time should be dedicated to rehearsing.

Rehearsal Order

About the Rehearsal:

Every member of the Wedding Party (bride and groom, Celebrant, bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girls, ring bearers, broom bearers, readers, musicians and any other participants) should meet at the site and "run through" the ceremony. If the site is unavailable, please simulate the conditions as closely as you can. I will be glad to research any traditions or cultures you choose.

This is entirely YOUR ceremony. Therefore, you should determine beforehand exactly which, if any, traditions you would like to follow, the way you want your attendants to line up, the manner in which you would like them to enter and exit, where you would like them to stand, walk or sit.

Please impress upon all participants how important it is for them to attend the rehearsal and be on-time. If every one cooperates, there is no reason for a rehearsal to last longer than one hour. Please make sure I meet all participants. If you are choosing an outdoor venue, consider whether moving indoors would alter any plans.

Absences:

If you know that someone cannot attend the rehearsal, appoint a stand-in who will participate in the rehearsal and explain the duties to the participant before the ceremony.

Wedding Coordinator:

If you have decided not to hire a wedding coordinator, consider asking a favorite friend or relative, who is not a member of the wedding party, to assist you by coordinating the wedding and the rehearsal. On your wedding day, you do not want to be the only person who knows exactly how the wedding should flow. Having a coordinator will give you a chance to fully enjoy your wedding ceremony.

Bring Props:

Please have on hand the actual or dummy props (Unity Candles, bouquets, rings, etc.) so that everyone can practice their actions.

Children:

It is especially important that any children who will participate in the ceremony attend the rehearsal. Please take care to speak with the children in a gentle and thoughtful manner and have props (i.e. a dummy flower basket with petals, a broom, a pillow, etc.) that will allow them to practice their actions. This may be the first time they "perform" in front of a group, let us make sure that it is fun and easy for them.

Scheduling:

Weddings are highly emotional times for everyone and may bring up emotions that are difficult to handle. Please schedule your rehearsal so that there is a built in allowance for your participants to be a few minutes late or many minutes late depending on your guests! You know your family and friends -- If they are "never on-time," it is unlikely that they will be on-time for such an emotional occasion.

Take Care of Yourself:

Do get enough sleep and eat healthy meals as your rehearsal and wedding approach. You will need to maintain your strength and perspective. Take time to visualize your rehearsal and wedding ceremony, so that you will be able to address any complications and calm yourself. No matter what happens, do your best to remain flexible, calm, and pleasant. Your spouse, attendants and guests want to celebrate with you. Being able to do so, is much more important than everything running exactly as you planned. Remember to enjoy these moments! They will never come again.

General Pre-Rehearsal Instructions:

Introductions of people as necessary.

Tell everyone when to arrive for wedding and where they should go Men meet with officiant. Women meet at the Bride's room. Discuss when pictures will be taken. Advise that in case of mistakes, we will go ahead with wedding. Fake rings if necessary. No gum, please. Everyone relax and enjoy it. Be natural. Men hold their left hand over their right.

Practice

Go through once verbally.

Go through once quickly.

Go through as though it were real. (Don't say the whole ceremony.)

Step One -- Everyone in Place:

Line up the wedding party where they will be standing for the wedding ceremony.

Groom and his attendants on Officiant's left

Bride and her attendants on Officiant's right

The Bride and Groom face each other

The Ring Bearer in front of the Groom's attendants

Flower Girl(s) in front of the Bride's attendants.

Because the early Anglo Saxon groom so often had to defend his bride from would-be kidnappers, she stood to his left, leaving his sword-arm free. The "best" warrior in the tribe stood by the groom and was responsible for helping defend the bride, thus the placement for the modern day best man.

Step Two -- Practice the Recessional:

After Officiant has declared the couple "husband and wife", they kiss and are announced as Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

Couple exits

Flower girl and ring bearer follow.

Attendants from each side meet in the center and walk out as couples.

Bride's parents

Groom's parents

Bride's grandparents

Groom's grandparents

Or, each side of front row as an entire row, not person by person, since people are eager to congratulate the couple.

Step Three -- Seating the Guests:

The ushers seat the family and honored guests at the announced time of the wedding. The front row is reserved for these special people. At the rehearsal you can practice escorting in these special guests. Remind the special people to wait in the back for their escort.

Introducing them to their escort (usher) is all that's needed.

Suggested order for special guests:

Grandparents of the groom

Grandparents of the bride

Parents of the groom

Mother of the bride

Ushers are instructed as to whether they are to seat guests generally, or as "friends of the bride or friends of the groom" and whether or not they are to walk guests all the way to their seats, or motion them to empty seats. In ancient days, fathers would offer daughters as peace offerings to warring tribes. Because of the hostility, the families were placed on opposite sides of the church so the ceremony could go on without bloodshed. The ceremony united the two warring factions into on family, and danger of war was resolved.

Step Four – Processional:

Now the bridal party goes to the places from where they will enter on the wedding day. Groom and his attendants go to the side (stage left, Officiant's left side). The Bride and her attendants go to the back of the hall.

Wedding party enters and takes places where they were in Step One.

Groom and his attendants walk in from the groom's side, led by Officiant.

OR Ushers escort the Bridesmaids

Bride's attendants walking slowly, last outside bridesmaid first (processional music begins)

Maid of Honor walking slowly

Ring bearer Suggestion: Use fake rings for the Ring Bearer. This avoids problems with dropping the rings or with the Ring Bearer refusing to relinquish the rings.

Flower girl (sometimes accompanied by Ring Bearer)

Music changes as the Bride prepares to enter

Officiant motions the guests to rise

Bride enters with escort on her left

As the Bride approaches the front, the Groom may take several steps toward her and her escort and offer her his arm.

The Groom is on the Bride's right. The two of them then approach the Officiant, leaving the escort standing next to the row in which he will be

seated -- usually on the Bride's side. If the escort is to answer some question posed by the Officiant, he should remain standing until that question is asked, answer the question and be seated. The usual options for his reply are "I do" or "Her Mother and I do" or "On behalf of her family, I do."

If the escort is not to answer a question from the Officiant, he should be seated as soon as the Bride and Groom are standing before the

Officiant.

Step Five - Ceremony:

In Old Times, female children were deemed to be the property of their fathers. When it came time for the daughter to marry and her father approved of the arrangement, he was actually transferring ownership of his daughter to the groom. Today, it is seen as symbolic of the blessings and support of her union as a promise of continued trust and affection.

Officiant may ask "Who gives this woman to be married to this man?" or "Who brings her here on this happy day of her life?" or "Who brings this woman to marry this man?"

The person or persons escorting the bride usually say: "I do", "We do", or "On behalf of all who love her, I do".

Bride's escort takes seat in first row

Officiant Performs the Ceremony

The rings should be either on the Ring bearer's pillow or in the custody of the Best Man and Maid/Matron of Honor. If carried by the two "best people," the Best Man should carry the Bride's ring on his little finger, and the Maid of Honor should carry the Groom's ring on her index finger or thumb.

Don't let the Best Man put the ring in any pocket. Don't have either one of them carry the ring in a bag or box. Pockets, bags & boxes increase the

chances for dropping and/or losing the ring. Of every 10 rings misplaced or lost at wedding time, 8 have been lost by the Maid of Honor. She has a big ring you have asked her to put on her relatively small finger.

For Maid of Honor and Best Man, have them put the ring on a finger, and then curl their fingers. Then the ring isn't going anywhere. If rings are on the Ring bearer's pillow, the Best Man will remove them and give them to the Officiant one at a time with the Bride's ring first; or deliver both at the same time, at the option of the Officiant.

The Bride and Groom face the Officiant for the initial portion of the ceremony, then face each other and join both hands for the vows and rings. If the Bride has not already given her flowers to her Maid/Matron of Honor, do it now before joining hands.

You will have worked out with the Officiant what you are to say during the wedding ceremony. Hopefully the Officiant will review this with you before the wedding starts. At the point of the Vows, you may simply respond to a question, or you may have decided to do a "repeat-after-me" statement with prompts from the Officiant.

For the exchange of rings, stop holding both hands, and change to holding each other's left hand. Each will be asked to repeat after the Officiant as they place the ring on their partner's hand. Rings never fit!! Don't make too much of a struggle out of it. No one can see whether the ring has cleared the last knuckle or not. Don't use oil or lotion, either. By the time you have to deal with the rings, it will just make things more difficult.

As you face the Officiant again, you can wiggle the ring on your own finger more easily than your partner could.

After the exchange of rings, Bride and Groom continue to face the Officiant until the end of the ceremony. Then face each other for the kiss.

The Bride then gets her flowers back from her Maid/Matron of Honor, and you both turn to face the guests. Before the Recessional music starts, however, the Officiant may formally present to the two of you to your guests if you have arranged for him or her to do this.

Then the recessional music begins.

Step Six -- Practice Recessional again:

The traditional church wedding features two bridal marches, by two different classical composers. The bride walks down the aisle to the majestic, moderately paced music of the "Bridal Chorus" from Richard Wagner's 1848 opera "Lohengrin. The newlyweds exit to the more jubilant, upbeat strains of the "Wedding March" (From Felix Mendelssohn's "A Midsummer Night's Dream.")

Tips for Including Children In Your Wedding

You’ve decided to include children in your wedding, either in the ceremony, or as invited guests. Your heart just melts at the thought of your two year-old niece in her little flower girl dress, scattering rose petals down the aisle. And your best friend’s three year-old son is sure to be the most adorable ring bearer ever. Children lend a sweet, innocent charm to weddings. But let’s be honest: they can also be miniature landmines if you aren’t properly prepared.

Following are some ideas to make your wedding as child-friendly (and child-proof!) as possible. If your ceremony includes other people’s children, you might pass along some of these suggestions to help those kids be at their best on the big day.

Children and The Ceremony
Give Them A Role. Giving a child a specific responsibility (nothing too intense, of course) focuses their energy and decreases the likelihood of their being bored and fussy. In addition to the traditional roles of flower girl and ring bearer, there are many other ways to include children in your wedding ceremony.

Ways To Include The Kids

·        Have children in your wedding make wedding favors.

·        Even the smallest kids can hand out wedding programs.

·        Taking candid pictures with a disposable wedding camera.

·        Helping to direct people to their places (ushers).

·        Present wedding favors to guests.

·        Remind guests to sign the wedding guest books.

·        Handing out rice or confetti or rose petals from their adorable flower girl basket. (Ask if these tosses are allowed. Alternatives are wildflower seeds, rose petals, rice, or bubbles.

Children might also:

·        read a poem, bible verse, other scriptural reading or religious blessing;

·       sing a hymn or song, separately or together;

·       serve as an alter boy or acolyte, if you are having a religious ceremony that includes those roles and it is in keeping with the house of worship’s policies;

·         pass out wedding programs as guests enter the church;

·       distribute and blow bubbles as the newlyweds exit;

·       Brides who are mothers might have their kids walk them down the aisle and "give her away";

·     They might serve as wedding attendants;

·     Many couples today involve children from previous relationships by including the presentation of the Family Medallion during the ceremony, which symbolizes the new, blended family’s pledge of love for one another.

Practice, Practice, Practice
It doesn’t always make perfect, but it helps. Children get nervous performing in front of large groups of people, so it’s a good idea to practice until your little tyke feels confident with his or her role. Be sure to include them in your wedding rehearsal.

Make Sure They Are Well Rested. The last thing you want is a meltdown in the middle of your vows, so make sure young children have taken a nap before the wedding, or at least had a good night’s sleep the night before.

Have Wedding Photos Taken Before The Ceremony. You definitely want to do this when children are fresh, preferably right after they’ve taken their naps and before they’ve had a chance to muss their wedding attire.

Comfortable Shoes and Clothes. Even you get cranky if your shoes are too tight. Sure, those patent leathers are cute, but are they worth a temper tantrum?

No Sugar Before The Ceremony. Anyone who has been around children on sugar knows that this is worth repeating. No matter how much you may be tempted… NO SUGAR BEFORE THE CEREMONY.

Keep Them Calm. Just before the ceremony, try to keep the children calm, and resist the urge to "hype" their role.

If All Else Fails, Turn To Bribery. You shouldn’t go to extremes here (i.e., "I promise to buy you a Mercedes when you turn 16"), but a little old fashioned bribery never hurt anyone. By all means, bribe with cookies or candy, as long as you follow the golden rule (not before the ceremony).

A Quiet Distraction. To keep small children from fidgeting while watching the ceremony, you might consider giving them little flap books or small puzzles to keep them busy in their seats.

The Reception
Junior Shutterbugs. You might consider giving each child a disposable camera and assign your new mini-photographers to get candid shots at the reception. It will keep them busy for hours, and you’ll get so many heartwarming shots from a different perspective, you may not even mind all those pictures of people’s shoes and backs.

Set Up A Play Table. A small, low table in a corner can become a great play table if you provide coloring/activity books, crayons and a few puzzles. Don’t go too crazy, though. Finger paints may sound like fun, but you won’t think so when one of the little darlings decides to give you a biking huge!

Hire Help. It isn’t much fun when parents have to constantly run after their children, so if you’re set on inviting them, you might consider hiring a few child care helpers to provide supervision. You might even enlist a few responsible young teens to keep an eye on the kids just for the fun of it.

Play Room. If you’ve got the space, don’t hesitate to set up a separate playroom for kids with age appropriate toys and books (in this instance, you would definitely need to hire help; follow all the precautions you would if hiring someone to watch your own kids). The adults can dance the night away in one room and still check on their little ones in "The Wedding Kids Club" from time to time.

Consider A Kid Menu

pasta (sauce on the side)

grilled chicken strips

heart-shaped finger sandwiches (peanut butter and jelly; or cheese)

wrap sandwiches (made with lavish bread or tortillas) of turkey and cheese

mini pizzas (light on the sauce for minimal mess)

If Not A Menu, Perhaps A Snack?

You can also put together "busy food" boxes for the kids, i.e., Chinese takeout boxes personalized with their names, adorned with ribbons, and filled with raisins, saltines, string cheese, goldfish crackers, perhaps a small toy (hey, everybody likes party favors). Have the boxes waiting at their seats at the reception. These mini-snacks will not only keep them busy, they will keep them from getting hungry, especially if they refuse to touch that yucky gourmet cuisine.

Don’t forget to show your appreciation for your flower girl, ring bearer, and the other children who participate in your wedding day by giving them a small gift to commemorate the event. A small gesture goes a long way with kids.

Keep A Sense Of Humor

Kids are unpredictable. Flower girls may freeze before walking down the aisle; ring bearers may drop their pillows. Other children may run screaming by just as the couple says their vows. Rather than getting angry or upset, remember that a marriage is full of unpredictable moments and being able to find humor in potentially stressful events is important. Be prepared to laugh off the antics of the littlest guests and to move ahead with the ceremony.

Assign A “Keeper”

This has two parts. First, ask an adult to be on “kid patrol” during the ceremony. Ideally, this would be someone who is well-respected in the family. Their role is to gently ask parents to remove children who are screaming or being disruptive during the ceremony. This is risky, as an angry parent can be significantly more disruptive than their child, but it can be helpful if there are a lot of babies/toddlers present. The second part is to ask some responsible teens, or even pre-teens to help keep the younger children engaged during the ceremony. This can include anything from dancing to reading stories and doing activities

Although there are no guarantees when it comes to kid behavior, the above suggestions should help make your wedding day as wonderful as possible. Try to keep your attitude relaxed and carefree (so what if the flower girl decides to take her clothes off in the middle of your ceremony, you’re still the bride!). They may not be perfect, but then again, who is? Besides, before you grew up and fell in love, you were a kid once, too.

Planning an Outdoor Wedding

An outdoor wedding is a dream for many couples, and there are a variety of locations to consider -- scenic landmarks, historic estates, parks, the beach, or even your own backyard. Getting married outside in the sunshine, surrounded by the beauty of nature and your friends and family, makes for a lovely celebration. But hosting an outdoor wedding takes planning, forethought and attention to details. Although you can’t control the weather, you can work around it. Here are some tips for planning a successful outdoor wedding.

Location

Even though your heart is set on an outdoor wedding, it is wise to choose a location that has both indoor and outdoor facilities, if possible. That way, if the weather doesn’t cooperate, the show can still go on. At the very least, rent a tent in case of inclement weather.

Some parks and other outdoor locations may not be experienced in hosting weddings. Make sure you know the rules of the venue you choose.

Ask specific questions; for example, do you need a permit? Is there a limit on the number of guests? Will you be allowed to serve alcohol?

Make sure you’ll have access to the amenities you’ll need for a successful event. Are there restrooms available? If not, you’ll have to rent port-a-potties. You’ll probably need electricity (for the caterers, the DJ, fans or lighting, etc.), which is not usually found in nature. Find out if you need to rent a generator. When possible, plan your outside event while the sun is still bright and clear.

Bugs and outdoor weddings go hand in hand. But you can take measures to alleviate the worst of the problem. You may want to hire an exterminator to spray the day before the wedding. Citronella candles add shimmer and also help keep bugs at bay. You may also want to provide insect repellant.

Decorations

At an outdoor wedding, Mother Nature provides most of the decorations -- trees, flowers, a view of a lake or a hilltop vista. But you may want to embellish a bit. Many couples opt for a beautiful wedding arch to provide a focal point for the ceremony. The arch can be left simple and unadorned, or can be swathed in flowers and ribbons to match those carried by the wedding party. An arch dripping with flowers also provides a wonderful backdrop for wedding photos. Coordinate the arch with raised planters sprouting matching flowers and you’ll add enchantment to an already magical setting. And if you have to move your ceremony indoors at the last minute, the arch and planters will provide instant decoration to the new location.

You can ask your florist to decorate the arch, or do it yourself. Garden Artisans offers a number of arches to choose from, including the Ogee Gothic Arch, a Monet Arch and a Classic Round Arch to add a romantic touch to your wedding. After the ceremony, the arch can take an honored place in your garden as a reminder of your special day.

Guests

Be sure guests know they’re attending an outdoor wedding, so they can dress appropriately. In addition, it is a good idea to send weather information to out-of-town guests who may not be familiar with the climate. Provide fans especially for elderly guests.

Is there a place for your guests to park? If there is no convenient parking at the site, consider having them park in a nearby lot and shuttling them over. Also make sure that the site is accessible, especially for elderly guests and others with limited mobility.

The Wedding Party
Keep the weather in mind when choosing a dress. Brides should choose a dress made of lighter-weight fabrics and consider not having a train, which will drag in the grass and dirt. An aisle runner will help this problem. However, aisle runners are problematic outdoors on grass or sand because shoe heels will tear and cause the bride, bridesmaids, or guests to trip and fall.

Spike heels will sink into the ground or sand. Therefore, the bride, bridesmaids, and guests should wear flats or wedge heels instead.

Groomsmen should consider wearing vests with full backs so they can still look dressed up with their coats off.

Food

Be sure the professionals you hire have outdoor experience. Caterers need to provide foods and food displays that keep well under warm conditions. Alcohol is dehydrating. Make sure there is plenty of cold water and nonalcoholic beverages on a hot day.

Unity Candle Ceremony
Candles are difficult to light in windy weather. Hurricane covers will help keep the candles from blowing out; however, the sun will melt the candles. Other ceremonies such as the sand blending ceremony should be considered.

10 Tips for the Perfect Outdoor Wedding

You've decided to have an outdoor wedding? Congratulations. Outdoor weddings are romantic and beautiful. However, they aren't as easy as they may look. Outdoor weddings come with additional caveats and pitfalls, but if you follow these tips, you'll be sure to shine on your wedding day.

1.      Make your guests comfortable Think about what the weather will likely be at the time of day and month of the year of your outdoor wedding. Sunny and hot? Don't leave your guests uncomfortably melting – have your ushers give guests ice-cold bottles of water as they are seated. Consider printing your wedding program on a fan so that guests may cool themselves. Don't forget to have plenty of sunscreen on hand as well. For a very warm location, look into renting large electric fans (don't forget a generator) and/or a tent to shade the suns rays. If it will be cold and damp, make sure you tell guests that so they can wear extra layers. A simple xeroxed insert will do. You might want to have lap blankets on hand, or rent portable heaters.

2.      Have a backup plan. What will you do if it rains? The ideal outdoor wedding location has an indoor location waiting just in case. Many brides and grooms opt to have their ceremony outside and reception inside. In a pinch, the tables can be scooted to the back of the room during the ceremony. A tent is another option, but only for light to moderate rain storms. A heavy rain will soak the ground underneath, leaving guests with soggy and muddy shoes. Make sure any tent you rent is sturdy so it won't flip over, and that it has thick and weighted sides.

3.      Plan for Wind Many outdoor weddings suffer from windy conditions. Avoid light fabrics like chiffons and china silks in your dress and the bridesmaid dresses. Tell your hairstylist that you'll be having an outdoor wedding so she/he can plan a style that won't leave you looking like Cousin It! Men in the wedding party should use pomade or other styling product. Again, tell your guests in a printed insert so that they can plan accordingly. And of course, make sure your tent will stand up to gusting winds or find an indoor backup plan.

4.      Can everybody hear? When you picture your dream wedding at the beach, you're probably not hearing the roaring of the waves, the rushing wind, or the local kids running and screaming around you. Look into renting a sound system with clip mikes for the bride, groom and officiant. Your DJ or band may be able to easily arrange this for you.

5.      Decorations One of the bonuses of an outdoor wedding is the natural beauty around you, lessening your need to decorate. But you still need to do some work. Visit the site a week before your wedding to make sure the grass is mown, the ground raked, and the flowers have bloomed. If your wedding is at a public park, you may want to ask the groomsmen or friends to do this the morning of your ceremony. If it's been an especially cold season, you may need to supplement the flowers with some potted bulbs from a florist. Other decorations you may want to consider include an arch or trellis to focus the ceremony and frame the bride and groom as they say their vows; strings of lights or lanterns in the trees; luminaries; torches; or farolitas.

6.      Make things tasty outside Does your caterer have experience planning an outdoor wedding menu? Make sure they're planning things that will keep well outdoors in the heat. Avoid things like mayonnaise salads or dishes which must be served cold.

7.      Don't leave your guests parched. Since alcohol is dehydrating, consider serving a variety of lemonades, teas and punches. Be sure to have plenty of ice and water around as well. For a fancy cocktail, why not serve a classic mint julep or a mojito? The mint will refresh and cool your guests.

8.      Those pesky flying things Be sure to put out citronella candles or a bug zapper so that your guests won't spend the whole ceremony swatting at the air.

9.      Here comes the sun Consider timing your outdoor wedding for sunset where your guests will see you take your vows surrounded by the warm glow of the sun. Those having a daytime outdoor wedding should orient the ceremony so that the sun will be on guests' backs rather than in their eyes.

10. Permits Don't forget to contact your city parks department or other local government to get a permit for an outdoor wedding. Be sure to ask about rules concerning trash removal, candle or torch lighting, and pre-wedding photography

Tips for Holding Native American Weddings or Commitment Ceremonies

(Please click here to see our Native American Ceremonies supplies for on our Ceremonial Supplies and Keepsakes page)

Native American weddings and ceremonies are always colorful. They are normally held during the evening hours outside where nature provides the flowers and beauty, or in a ceremonial lodge, or under an arbor.

They may be either informal or traditional. Simple informal wedding ceremonies consist of simply obtaining the Native American ceremonial vows and blessings from a wedding or ceremony officiant. A simple informal ceremony may entail the bride and groom approaching a sacred fire and receiving their vows and blessing from a spiritual or wedding officiant. Songs are sung and the Creator is honored and all participants in the wedding and guests are blessed. The bride and groom are then covered by a blanket and/or bound together by a woven or beaded sash. At the end of the ceremony, the blanket or sash is removed, indicating the beginning of their new life together.

Traditional Native American wedding ceremonies are more formal and involve traditional rites, a lot of preparation, great feasts, and merrymaking. These ceremonies normally require 1 to 2 weeks of time to prepare Alters - Keyholes - Prayer Ties and a Sweat Lodge along with arrangements for the Give-Away and Celebration Feast, and require the assistance, commitment, dedication and involvement of the family, elders and spiritual leader or wedding officiant. Additionally, the officiant may require the couple to perform certain activities in preparation for their wedding, and the sacred spot for the ceremony must be blessed for seven consecutive days prior to the ceremony.

During the traditional Native American wedding ceremony, the couple is bound together with a woven or beaded sash or blanket that symbolizes the bonding of their lives together in front of the universe and all living things. Water is used as a symbol of purification and cleansing, and the bride and groom wash their hands or their hair to symbolically wash away past evils and memories of past loves. Singing is the dominant form of musical expression and Native American love songs are often played on flutes along with drums, rattles and whistles.

The wedding vase is used by many Indian tribes in North America. The bride drinks from one spout and then gives it to the groom who drinks from the opposite spout. The mixture is symbolic of the promise for deep love and eternal happiness for the couple.

In a traditional Native American wedding, a feast is held for all who attend. Food items include a wedding cake, fry bread, venison, mutton, buffalo, squash, beans, corn, corn soup, potato soup and desserts. Fresh fruits such as blueberries, raspberries, and strawberries are also served when they are available. The food is traditionally placed on a blanket, blessed, and served buffet style. The Elders and the officiant eat first, then the bride and groom, then the sponsors and other guests. All of the food is either eaten or given away to the Elders.

A Giveaway is held after the Feast. In preparation for the Giveaway, the future bride and groom make or buy a gift for each person attending.

Steps for Planning a Native American Wedding

STEP 1: Determine those customs and traditions that have meaning to you and make them a part of your special day.

STEP 2: Select a site to hold the ceremony. Possibilities include chapels, or other spiritual places, historical landmarks, Indian monuments or reservations. Don’t forget, nature provides some of the most spectacular and beautiful wedding chapels on Mother Earth - the greatest of all cathedrals ever built.

STEP 3:   Choose a prayer that you would like to have read at the ceremony.

STEP 4:   If desired, couples may write their own wedding vows. Do not wait until the time of the wedding to do so. Begin now to think about the perfect words that will bind you together for eternity. The words should be well thought out, heartfelt and agreed to by both parties. The words may be composed by the couple, taken from traditional ceremonies according to the couple's religious beliefs, or the vows may delivered by the spiritual leader.

STEP 5:   Arrange a date and time with the officiating elder and civil officials far in advance. Get it in writing. Send a letter confirming arrangements and check back occasionally.

STEP 6:   Arrange to have someone play an Indian Love Flute. Legend says that this flute, which is carved out of cedar wood, holds the power of attraction and was used to enhance courtship. If possible, arrange to have someone play traditional Indian drum. In lieu of live music, Native America Indian music CD’s are readily available today. Keep the music soft and earthy. Powwow drum music is great, but not entirely appropriate at a wedding until the reception party begins.

STEP 7:   If you plant to invite guests, compose a mailing/telephone/email list. You may include guests from the immediate and extended families, friends, co-workers and neighbors and other community members of both the bride and groom to celebrate the marriage.

STEP 8:   Prepare decorative baskets to hold gifts.

STEP 9:   Determine and prepare wedding attire.

STEP 10: Arrange to have three blankets available (two blue and one large white).

STEP 11: Arrange for gifts for the officiating elder(s), mothers and other special guests.

STEP 12: Important: Do not forget about the marriage license! Marriage laws vary from state to state, so check with your county or parish clerk's office now. In most states, both parties must appear in person at the clerk's office. Remember to bring your birth certificate and other forms of identification when applying. You must apply for a marriage license in which the state you will be married.

STEP 13: Consider pre-marriage counseling. In the old ways, the elders were responsible for helping insure a marriage would be strong, appropriate and a life long commitment. Today, modern society often ignores the wisdom of the elders, and as a result, divorce is all too common.

STEP 14: Take a deep breath, close your eyes and dream of a beautiful tomorrow!

(Please click here to see our Native American Ceremonies supplies for on our Ceremonial Supplies and Keepsakes page)

Instructions for Making Ceremony and Wedding Cakes

The wedding cake plays such an important role that understanding the terms may be helpful as a prerequisite to meeting with your wedding cake designer. Here then is some basic terminology, along with some additional information for the do-it-yourself crowd.

Butter cream Fillings

There are two different methods by which to create butter cream, the Swiss and the Italian method. Swiss Butter cream is made by warming egg whites and sugar until the sugar is dissolved. Once dissolved the mixture is transferred into a mixer and whipped until cool. Once cool, softened butter is added and whipped until fluffy. Italian Butter cream is made with softball (240°F) sugar syrup which is poured into whipped egg whites. Once whipped, softened butter is added and whipped until fluffy

Fondant

Fondant is a soft creamy preparation of sugar, water, and flavoring. It is sugar syrup crystallized to a smooth, creamy white mass. It is used for icing and decorating cakes. Cooked or European Fondant although the most difficult to make, is best because of its elasticity and smoothness. The process is as follows: sugar and water are boiled to 240°F and then poured onto a marble slab, sprinkled with water to prevent crystallization. Syrup is allowed to cool to 110°F. the sugar is worked with a steel scraper. When mixture turns white, the fondant is worked until smooth and creamy, a process which may take more than forty minutes.

Rolled, uncooked Fondant or Sugar paste (also known as Roll-out icing), is quite different. It is made by simply mixing all ingredients together. This fondant is easier to make (mold, shape, color and roll out) because it need not be dry before finishing the final decoration on the cake.

Royal Icing

Royal Icing or glacé royal is made by beating sugar and egg whites (or meringue powder). Powdered sugar and cream of tartar are sifted together and placed in a mixing bowl. The mixture is beaten for seven to ten minutes or until the icing holds a strong peak.

Cake Decorators Icing

Cake Decorators icing is the kind that is used most frequently in the United States. The basic recipe includes flour, shortening, salt, water and icing sugar. The flour and shortening are mixed until fluffy. Then the salt is added. Water is then added a little at a time. Icing sugar is added a little at a time until the desired consistency is achieved.

Marzipan

Marzipan has been used for centuries by pastry chefs worldwide in baking and for covering and filling cakes. It makes great decorations and figurines. Marzipan must have at least twenty-five percent almonds or it's considered almond paste not marzipan. A thin layer of Marzipan can be used to cover a cake. When color is added, it may be used as frosting. It is also may be used under Fondant to protect the Fondant from moisture. Extra fine ground blanched almonds are used. Uncooked Marzipan is kneaded together until smooth and is then stored in an airtight container. In cooked Marzipan, sugar is added to the water and cooked in a pan until the sugar is dissolved. Almonds are added and cooked until the batter comes away from the side of the pan. The mixture is removed from heat and placed onto a marble slap, wooden board or a sheet pan. While warm, the mixture is kneaded with a wooden spatula and then by hand until smooth.

Bain-Marie

Bain-Marie is the French term for "water bath" cooking, in which a container is placed in heated water to gently warm the food inside. A bain-marie is similar to a double boiler, except the container in a bain-marie sits in the water itself. The container is typically made of porcelain or ceramic rather than metal

Instructions for Using Magical Herbs in Weddings and Ceremonies

Magical herbs for matrimony add romance and a historical touch to the big day. Did you know that two basil leaves placed atop a hot coal can predict the tone of your marriage? At least that's what herbal lore tells us. If the leaves burn quickly and fade to ash, the marriage will be harmonious. If they crackle and spit, you'll have stormy times ahead!

Historically, basil had other matrimonial uses, too. In ancient times, women would set a pot of the plant on the windowsill to indicate they were ready to greet their suitors. Italian men would don a sprig of basil to reveal intentions of marriage.

It was also believed that if you gave your heart's desire a clipping of basil, he or she would fall in love and never leave. (If a man needed a little courage to propose, the woman would smuggle borage into his tea to coax things along.)

Long considered a symbol of love, basil has figured in the courtship of countless lovers. But it's not the only herb made for amorous suitors. Plants of all types played a role in matters of the heart--especially matrimony. Rosemary, lavender, myrtle, yarrow, rose, ivy, and many others were used for centuries by those aspiring to find love, preserve fidelity, prompt fertility, and inspire happiness, good fortune and luck.

Many cultures have incorporated herbs throughout the marriage celebration, in the hopes of enjoying the benefits of their magic. Brides wore headdresses fashioned from a variety of herbs to ensure a successful ceremony and a lifetime of happiness. Herbs also graced garlands, bouquets, favors, and food. Cumin, for example, appeared throughout wedding ceremonies held in the Middle Ages. A bride and groom who carried cumin would lead a blissful life. Brides also wore it to banish negative energy from their ceremonies.

If you count yourself or a family member among todays engaged, herb-loving couples, why not revive the traditions of our ancestors with an herbal celebration? Many will stand up well throughout the day, not only looking attractive but costing less than standard florist fare.

THE HERBAL DECOR

The reception hall makes a great starting point for incorporating herbs into today's celebrations. Centerpieces, garlands, and favors can all contain an herbal element.

Make garlands and strewing mixes from meadowsweet, an herb traditionally so popular for weddings that it acquired another name: bridgework. An ancient Celtic test titled Mabinogion reveals the tale of Lleu, a Celtic god cursed by his mother to never obtain a name, a weapon, or a wife. His uncle, Gwydion, assists Lleu in overcoming this curse by conjuring a bride out of oak, broom and meadowsweet.

Create topiaries for the tables using ivy. Trace the reception hall with the plant, and dangle it from the bride's bouquet. In Medieval times, brides carried ivy for luck, but it also shields against negativity and promotes fidelity.

For fertility, brides often chose myrtle, herb of Venus, the love goddess. Myrtle was born from Myrrha, the dear priestess of Venus. To protect her from the advances of undesirable suitors, Venus turned Myrrha into the myrtle plant. Myrtle is said to preserve love and, when planted on either side of the home, will ensure that peace and love reside within. For an aromatic bridal wreath, tie flowering myrtle into a loose circle, then fasten with string and pin to the top of the bride's tresses.

Here and there throughout the reception space, place vases with water and fresh herbs like yarrow, the herb of everlasting love. Hung over the newlywed's bed or used in arrangements, it is said to ensure seven years of true love.

Pin bunches of mint along the tablecloth edges as a symbol of hospitality. Legend has it that Menthe was a water nymph with whom Hades had an affair. When his wife, Persephone, found out, she tried to stomp the Naiad into the ground. Hades saved Menthe by transforming her into the fragrant mint plant.

HERBAL ACCESSORIES

When incorporating herbs into the bridal party's accessories, remember that woody plants like rosemary and thyme work best and shine in groups of threes. Consider the meaning behind the plant before you begin and choose herbs according to the message you want to convey. Boutonnieres, corsages, and bouquets (or tussie-mussies, as they were called in Elizabethan England) can all be crafted from herbs.

To make boutonnieres and corsages, begin with a sprig of thyme for health and courage. (Women of the Middle Ages embroidered thyme on knights' garb before they charged into battle.) Back it with rosemary for remembrance and sage for longevity, as old proverb states, "How can a man grow old who has sage in his garden?" Get creative and use variegated thyme or purple sage. Wrap with floral tape and fasten a bow around the item. Refrigerate until the ceremony.

For a bridal bouquet, begin with three roses, unopened, and secured with floral tape. The roses represent the maiden, mother, and crone--the three life phases of a woman. Complement the roses with sprigs of myrtle, rosemary, marjoram (Aphrodite's herb) and lady's mantle, often considered a woman's best friend for its ability to relieve gynecological pain. Build the bouquet to the desired size, taping as you go. Envelop it with a large-leafed plant like angelica, and tie it with a wide ribbon for a breathtaking display.

The bouquets for the wedding party can be smaller versions of the bridal bouquet or they can be created to send a special wish to the bride's friends. For a simple arrangement, use a mixture of sunflowers (for making wishes come true), lovage (for love), and catnip (for good friends). Hold catnip in your hand until it becomes warm and then grasp the hand of another to ensure a lifelong friendship. Save the catnip and the charm won't fail.

HERBAL FEAST

Food and drink naturally lend themselves to an herbal theme.

For the main meal, serve a chicken dish that calms the Voodoo goddess of love, Erzulie. Haitians offer fresh basil plants to this goddess who has claimed the herb for herself. By baking chicken with this flavor, you can do the same. For an accompanying dish, take a cue from Shakespeare, whose Hamlet said, "There's Rosemary, that's for remembrance, pray, love, remember," and serve rosemary roasted potatoes. The herbs stimulate the memory and for this reason, Elizabethan and Victorian brides would present guests with this pine-scented herb as a symbol that they would not be forgotten after the ceremony.

Toast the evening with an herbal punch infused with lemon balm and pineapple sage. When soaked in wine, strained, and then shared, lemon balm (a healing herb that tugs at the heartstrings, according to Arabian herbalists) will tempt two people to fall in love. Fill a pitcher with lemon balm and pineapple sage leaves. Pour in four cups of water, one-half cup of sugar, and one bottle of sweet white wine. Chill for one hour, stirring often. Strain mixture and place in a punch bowl; then add one bottle of champagne. Float sliced lemons and pineapple sage flowers on top. The lipstick-red flowers are edible and lend a tropical flavor. Makes 12-servings.

As for the wedding cake, Victorians often baked it with rosewater, adding the perfumed elixir to muffins, cookies and cakes. To capture that distinctive flavor on the big day, make an amaretto-rose cake. (For a pretty presentation, use a rose-shaped cake pan or heart pan, both found at cooking or craft stores.) Prepare your favorite white cake recipe, or follow instructions on a packaged mix. Add two teaspoons of rosewater and one teaspoon of Amaretto just before baking. To glaze, whisk together one cup of powdered sugar, three tablespoons of light cream, and one teaspoon of rosewater. Drizzle glaze over the cake so that it runs down the sides.

The possibilities are endless when it comes to incorporating herbs throughout wedding decor. Enchant guests with the allure of herbs by using your imagination to create your own combinations. By employing these sacred plants, you send a secret wish to the gods of nature--and capture a little magic for yourself.

Wedding and Ceremony Planning - Where Do I Begin?

Color Scheme—bridesmaid's attire, table linens, flower colors, ceremony site and reception decorations (balloons, garlands, etc.

Ceremony—readings, special features, musical choices.

Wedding day schedule—order of events, timing.

Reception music selections.

Flower arrangements.

Final decisions on food and beverage—Find out when your caterer needs a final head count.

Marriage License—usually obtained from the Town Clerk in the town or county where the couple resides or where the marriage will be performed. Some states require blood tests, and some have a waiting period.