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Baltimore Police
or as some locals say
"Balmer PO leece"
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| Photo courtesy Officer W.M.Hackley |
Sketches by: Sergeant Calvert "BUZZ" Koerber
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| Photo courtesy Sergeant Jose Rosado |
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| Photo courtesy Officer W.M.Hackley |
PAUL BLAIR'S CAMP SENDS IN THE CLOWNS
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| SAM WALTERS ---COP SHOP 2008 |
Hey Guys;
.
Attached is a copy of a cartoon that was sent to my home. I thought it was so funny that I almost wet
my pants laughing. I hope after the election, the author will apply to my store for a job. He/she has a great future ONLY
as a "Joker."
.
SAM
.
"IF" anyone does know who made this up, "PLEASE" have them send more. I loved this one.
I will cherish it forever. I would not have ever suspected that Paul Blair's supporters were so talented.
.
ALSO, the
next time my name and address is copied from the FOP mailing list, I hope they get the spelling of my last name correct. It
is "WALTERS," not "WATERS." (What a bunch of CLowns.)
Below is a second derogatory cartoons by some campaign worker for the current FLOP#3 administration. Such childish behavior
for so called Police officers.
Unbelievable they can stoop so low, but just look at what you are dealing with. Lowlife despicable poor excuses for cops.
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| Photo Courtesy of Officer Sam Walters |
  
10
COMMANDMENTS
For
Those Who Cannot Understand King James version.
Sometimes you have to get
the message across
as best we can. Try this for those who can't
understand the King James Version:
1.
I'm God... Don't play me.
(I am the Lord thy God, thou shalt not have any
other gods before me.)
2. Don't be makin no hood ornaments
and charms outta me, or like me.
( Thou shalt not have any graven images)
3. Don't be callin'
me for no reason
(Thou shalt not use the name of the
Lord thy God
in vain)
4. Y'all betta be in church on Sunday,
and not just the Sundays
when
it's Mother's day, Easter
and Christmas
(Remember to keep the Sabbath
day holy)
5. Don't dis or cuss out yo momma...
and if you know who ya daddy
is,
don't dis him neither.
(Honor thy father and thy mother)
6.
Don't be goin' on no drive bys .
(Thou shalt not kill)
7.
Stick to ya own Boo.
(Thou shalt not commit adultery)
8. Don't be borrow'n stuff and
don't give it back.
(Thou shalt not steal)
9. Don't be snitchin' on the otha'
man to
save your behind.
(Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor)
10.
Don't be eyein' (skeeming) yo
homie's crib, ride, woman,
or nuffin.
(Thou
shalt not covet anything that belongs to thy neighbor)
   
BALTIMORE POLICE DEPARTMENT
OUR DAY BEGINS WHEN YOUR DAY ENDS
 
 
Police Run Out Of Pants For Officers
POSTED: 11:23 am EDT June 21, 2007 BALTIMORE -- City police are looking for a few good pairs of pants.
The Baltimore Police Department has run out of two popular sizes of the custom-made navy blue uniform pants it provides
to every officer, a department spokesman said Wednesday.
Officers who wear size 36 or 38 will have to wait for new pants until a special order comes through.
"We are officially out," said Officer Troy Harris, a police spokesman. "We're putting in an emergency order for those two
sizes."
One officer said he was recently turned away from the office of the quartermaster, who is in charge of supplies, when he
requested a new pair of size-36 uniform pants. The officer spoke to The (Baltimore) Sun on condition of anonymity because
he was not authorized to talk about the issue.
"When you go to get pants, they look at you as if you're asking for a newborn," he said. "Pants are a hot commodity. When
I asked for pants they just laughed."
Out of desperation, the officer said he took an old pair of pants to his tailor. Harris said the supply unit will take
care of adjustments, but the officer said he couldn't afford to wait weeks for his pants to be mended.
The department attributed the shortage to the recent hiring of 240 new officers. But city police union president Paul Blair
blamed a new initiative that requires plainclothes detectives to walk periodic foot patrols in uniform.
Cadets receive four pairs of pants when they leave the police academy. When officers need a new pair, they get them free
but are required to turn in their old ones.
"If (the pants) can be saved, they'll be cleaned and put back into rotation," Harris said.
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CLAPPER CAPER.......
Do you remember Dragnet from the 1960's?
This is a skit with Jack Webb from Dragnet as Sergeant Joe Friday
and Johnny
Carson reporting the theft of his copper clappers
Kept in the closet at the Acme School Bell Company.
It's very funny.
Nokia’s newly designed “BALTIMORE” Cell Phone. Models:
9mm, 40 cal. .45 cal.
For the discriminating survivalist who needs the utmost in communications with a flair of fire power needed
to get that call through while in Baltimore City.
SALE ITEMS:
GOOD POLICEMAN IN USED CONDITION:
Male, 1949 model, high mileage, relatively
good condition for his age, fair amount of hair, many new parts including knee, heart stents, pacemaker/defibulator (jump
starter)
Isn't in running condition, but walks well.
If you have a use for such a man, call 1-800-555-1122
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To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Baltimore)
I was the white guy with the black Burberry
jacket that you
demanded I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my wife You also asked for my wife's
purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.
I didn't expect you to crap
your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and
it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my wife had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had
just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating
weapon when pointed
at your head, isn't it?
I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to
wherever you'd come from
with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes,
cell phone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I
took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation.
I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Smiths restaurant, along
with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.
I called a bunch of phone sex numbers
from your cell. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel
recently shut down the line, and
I've only had the phone for a
little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that.
I hope they haven't
permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it. Oh well.
So,
about your pants; I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to
make it up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the
detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for not killing
you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next
time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry.
Peace! - Bill
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HOW TO HANDLE A TELEMARKETER
Click below........
TELEMARKETER'S NIGHTMARE
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Why I carry a GUN
My old grandpa said to me son,' there comes a time in every mans life when he stops bustin' knuckles and starts
bustin' caps and usually it's when he becomes too old to take an ass whoopin'.
I don't carry a gun to kill people. I carry a
gun to keep from being killed.
I don't carry a gun to scare people.
I carry a gun because sometimes this world can be a scary place.
I don't carry
a gun because I'm paranoid.
I carry a gun because there are real threats in the world.
I don't carry a gun because I'm evil.
I carry a gun because I have lived long enough to see the evil in the world.
I don't carry a gun because I hate
the government.
I carry a gun because I understand the limitations of government.
I don't carry a gun because I'm angry.
I carry a gun so that I don't have to spend the rest of my life hating myself for failing to be prepared.
I don't carry
a gun because I want to shoot someone.
I carry a gun because I want to die at a ripe old age in my bed, and not on a sidewalk
somewhere tomorrow afternoon.
I don't carry a gun because I'm a cowboy.
I carry a gun because, when I die and go to heaven,
I want to be a cowboy.
I don't carry a gun to make me feel like a man.
I carry a gun because men know how
to take care of themselves and the ones they love.
I don't carry a gun because I feel inadequate.
I carry a gun because unarmed and
facing three armed thugs, I am inadequate.
I don't carry a gun because I love it.
I carry a gun because I love life
and the people who make it meaningful to me.
Police Protection is an oxymoron. Free citizens must protect themselves.
Police do
not protect you from crime, they usually just investigate the crime after it happens and then call someone in to clean up
the mess.
Personally, I carry a gun because I'm too young to die and too old to take an ass whoopin'!!
        
  
       
  
 
 Mess with a cop in Baltimore it's your choice
12 Jurors
6 Pallbearers
YOUR CHOICE
GOTTA LOVE THIS NURSE
A Baltimore Police Officer rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that
all was well.
However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch.
Worried that it might
be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so
he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.
Taped firmly across his pubic hair were three wide strips
of adhesive tape, the kind that takes everything with it when you pull it off.
Written in large black letters
across the tape was the sentence: "Get well quick..... from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week."
   
The Revised Miranda Rights Version 1
1. You have the right to remain motionless, or you may elect to run away
from me.
2. Should you decide to run, I shall direct my K-9 to chase you down to the ends of the earth.
3. You have
the right to have your lawyer run with you. Should he refuse, a recent Law School graduate will be appointed by the court
to jog along with you.
4. If while running, you suddenly decide to end the race, beware that my K-9 may or may not understand
your intentions, and may continue his pursuit of you in full stride.
5. You may stop running at any time, at your own risk.
6.
Good luck. On your mark, get set....GO!!!!!
The Revised Miranda Rights Version 2
1. You have the rights to an @$$-kicking.
2. You have the right to
have a priest and/or an EMT present at the time of the @$$-kicking.
3. If you don't have a priest, one will be appointed
free of charge, to read you your last prayer.
The Revised Miranda Rights Version 3
You are under arrest and....
1. No, I don't care who you are.
2.
No, I don't care who you know.
3. Yes... you DO pay my salary.
4. Yes... you CAN have my job.
5. No, I don't have
anything better to do.
6. Yes, I DO arrest real criminals sometimes.
7. No, I am not picking on you because you are
__________ (fill in any ethnic group/race).
8. No, I can't give you a break.
9. No, I don't know your friend, Officer
__________.
10. Yes, you will be allowed to make a phone call.
11. Yes, I'm sure you will never do it again.
12.
No, we can't talk about it.
13. Yes, it DOES make me happy.
14. Yes, you WILL see me in court.
Thank you, have a
nice day.
Your Arresting Officer __________
Free Service
Policeman: "I'm afraid that I'm going to have to lock you up for the night."
Man:
"What's the charge officer?"
Policeman: "Oh, there's no charge. It's all part of the service.
 DO NOT BRING PLANTS IN THE HOUSE DURING COLD WEATHER!!!
Never bring outdoor plants into the house. Garden Grass Snakes also known as Garter
Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes.
Here's why.........
A
couple in Baltimore, Maryland had
a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them
from a possible freeze.
It turned out that a little green
garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go
under the sofa.
She let out a very loud scream! The husband (who was taking a shower)
ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.
He
got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on
the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.
His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called
an ambulance. The attendants rushed in, wouldn't listen to his protests and loaded him on the stretcher and
started carrying him out.
About that time the snake came
out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when
the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.
The wife still had the problem
of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor man. He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed
himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman,
who sat down on the sofa in relief.
But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the
cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the
sofa. The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.
The
neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth
and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp
to a point where it needed stitches.
The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and
she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that he had been bitten by
the snake. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's
throat.
By now the police had arrived. They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey,
and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how
it all happened over a little green snake.
The police called an ambulance, which took
away the neighbor and his sobbing wife. The little snake again crawled out from under the sofa. One of the policemen
drew his gun and fired at it.
He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table.
The table fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke it started a fire in the
drapes. The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window
into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car
swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.
Meanwhile, the burning
drapes, were seen by the neighbors who called the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire truck
ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires and put out the
electricity and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out).
Time passed!
Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car,
and all was right with their world.
A while later they
were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought
they should bring in their plants for the night.
That's when he shot her.
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HOW TO AVOID A TRAFFIC TICKET
How
do you avoid a traffic ticket when pulled over by a cop? Drivers are constantly trying to dream up inventive ways and creative
excuses to get themselves out of a tight spot.
But this attractive and daring young female driver must win the Oscar
for coming up with a really imaginative way of avoiding that ticket. She simply makes use of her best assets. Wonder did it
work? | Attractive
female motorist: I thought Police Officers did not give tickets to pretty girls!!!!!
Police Officer: Your are so right miss,
we don't.. Please sign YOUR ticket.
Recently, a California Web site ran an e-mail forum (a question and answer exchange) where the topic was "Policing the
Community." One of the civilian email participants posed the following question:
"I would like to know how it is possible for police officers to continually harass people and
get away with it?"
From the "other side" (the law enforcement side) a cool cop with a sense of humor replied:
It is not easy. In California we average one cop for every 2,000 people. About 60% of those cops are on patrol, where we
do most of the harassing. One-fifth of that 60% are on duty at any given moment and are available for harassing people. So,
one cop is responsible for harassing about 10,000 residents. When you toss in the commercial, business and tourist locations
that attract people from other areas, sometimes you have a situation where a single co p is responsible for harassing 20,000
or more people each day. A ten-hour shift runs 36,000 seconds. This gives a cop one-second to harass a person, and three-fourths
of a second to eat a donut AND then find a new person to harass. This is not an easy task. Most cops are not up to it, day
in and day out. It is just too tiring. What we do is utilize some tools to help us narrow down those people which we harass.
They are as follows:
PHONE: People will call us up and point out things that
cause us to focus on a person for special harassment. "My neighbor is beating his wife" is a code phrase we use. Then we come
out and give special harassment. Another popular one on a weeknight is, "The kids next door are having a loud party."
CARS: We have special cops assigned to harass people who
drive. They like to harass the drivers of fast cars, cars blasting music, cars with expired registration stickers and the
like. It is lots of fun when you pick them out of traffic for nothing more obvious than running a red light. Sometimes you
get to really heap the harassment on when you find they have drugs in the car, are driving drunk, or they have an outstanding
warrant.
RUNNERS: Some people take off running just at the sight
of a police officer. Nothing is quite as satisfying as running after them like a beagle on the scent of a bunny. When you
catch them you can harass them for hours.
CODES: When you can think of nothing else to do, there
are books that give ideas for reasons to harass folks. They are called "Codes" Penal, Vehicle, Health and Safety, Business
and Professional Codes, to name a few. They spell out all sorts of things for which you can really mess with people.
After you read the code, you can just drive around for a while until you find someone violating
one of these listed offenses and harass them. Just last week I saw a guy smash a car window. Well, the code says that is not
allowed. That meant I got permission to harass this guy. It is a pretty cool system that we have set up, and it works pretty
well.
We seem to have a never-ending supply of folks to harass. And we get away with it. Why? Because
the good citizens who pay the tab actually like the fact that we keep the streets safe for them.
Next time you are in my town, give me a single finger wave. That will be a signal that you wish
for me to take a little closer look at you, and then maybe I'll find a reason to harass YOU.
Looking forward to meeting you...
A young Deputy Sheriff told the farmer he needed to inspect his land for possible stolen property.
The old farmer said, "OK, but don't go in that field over there."
The young Deputy said, "I'm with the Sheriff’s
Department
See my badge? That means I go wherever I want on your land."
The old farmer just rolled his eyes and went
about his chores.
Later, he heard loud screams and saw the man running for the fence
with the farmer's prize bull charging
close behind him. The bull was madder
than a hornet and was gaining fast on the Deputy.
The old farmer called out, "Show
him your BADGE”
.
Reasonable doubt A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence Indicating
guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense's Closing statement the lawyer,
knowing that his client would Probably be convicted, resorted to a trick. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you All," the
lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed
dead in this case will Walk into this courtroom." He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat Stunned, all
looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing Happened. Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But
you all looked On with anticipation. I therefore put to you that you have a Reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed And insist
that you return a verdict of not guilty." The jury, clearly confused, retired to
deliberate. A few minutes Later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of
guilty. "But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You
must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the Door." The jury foreman replied, "Oh, we did look, but your client didn't." |
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If you enjoy this site please consider making a donation to
the Baltimore Police Memorial Fund. All money goes directly toward improvement and maintenance
of our own Baltimore Police Memorial, located at Fayette and President Streets
{The Shot Tower Plaza}
Mailing address:
BALTIMORE POLICE MEMORIAL FUND
3920 Buena Vista Avenue
Baltimore, Maryland 21211
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| NLEOM_MUSEUM |
WANTED
POLICE INFORMATION
Copies of: Your BPD Class Photo, Pictures of BPD Officers, Vehicles, Equipment, Newspaper
Articles of BPD Officers, Old BPD Newsletters, BPD Lookouts, BPD Wanted Posters, BPD Brochures, Deceased BPD Officer Information
and anything that may help to Preserve the History and Proud Traditions of this agency. Please contact Retired Officer William
Hackley.
W.Hackley@BaltimoreMarylandPolice.com
**********************************************
NOTICE
How to Dispose of Old Police Items
If you come into possession of Police items from an Estate or Death of a Police Officer Family
Member and do not know how to properly dispose of these items please contact: Retired Officer William Hackley
Please dispose of POLICE Items: Badges, Guns, Uniforms, Documents, PROPERLY
so they won’t be used IMPROPERLY.
W.Hackley@BaltimoreMarylandPolice.com
 National Homeland Security Knowledgebase
NEW ADDRESS FOR THIS SITE:
http//www.BaltimoreMarylandPolice.com
AMBER ALERT
America’s Missing: Broadcast Emergency Response
~SEX OFFENDER INFORMATION IN YOUR AREA~
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