Bridge Humor

Here's this month's prescription of bridge humor. Be sure to check back again next month for your next dose. Remember, we're supposed to be having fun!!

Here’s some new words I’ve recently added to my bridge vocabulary. Can you match them with the correct definitions?

1. Blamestorming

2. Seagull Player

3. Prairie Dogging

4. Stress Puppy

5. Onosecond

Answers: 1-C; 2-D; 3-A; 4-E; 5-B.

A. When someone yells or drops something during a game and other players’ heads pop up to see what's going on.

B. That minuscule fraction of time after playing from dummy in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.

C. Sitting around after the game, discussing why your brilliant bid or play failed, and who was responsible.

D. A new player at your regular game who drops in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

E. A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out by every bid and whiny every time they go down.

“If I’ve told you once I’ve told you three times, don’t lead my suit unless I bid it three times. — Ron Andersen to partner in 1979 Vanderbilt in “Classic Bridge Quotes” by Jared Johnson, Devyn Press

“Sorry, partner, my cardiologist told me I can’t play bridge with you anymore.”

Player at the bridge table: “My bridge partner is an angel!” Opponent: “You’re lucky. Mine’s still alive.”

Bridge is like a grindstone. Whether it grinds a person down or polishes a person up depends on what one is made of.

Seven days without bridge makes one weak.

There is a very fine line between “hobby" and “mental illness.”

My daughter went away to school many years ago. I had more time on my hands so I played quite a bit of bridge. She called me one day to tell me about a nightclub her and her friends went to the night before. "Oh, that's not that impressive, sweetie," I replied. "Last night, my partner and I went FIVE clubs."

I asked a student recently if he knew the definition of a "suicide squeeze" play technique. The next week he gave me this picture.