Ann: And your brother Seamus?

Sean: Sarcastically says as he smirks, My brother Seamus? My brother? Slight pause, that’s why they called me back Ann. Resentfully says with a fire in his eyes, To mourn the loss! Slight pause. He stares off for a moment. His brows crunch up to the middle of his fore as he apathetically reveals, I….I never knew Seamus. I only knew him as a hero in a story, the stories my parents told me. Slight pause. He lowers his head for a moment, quietly says, he was a brave young man, a child any Father would look up to. Raises his head. Looks at Ann with sullen eyes. He passionately states, Father was so proud of him, so very proud of him.

Ann: Did you have anyone there?

Sean: Catherine. Sighs, But she was six years older then I. She rarely stayed home. Slight pause. The others, they had all grown up, on their own. Quietly says, I was very lonely there, very alone. With utter disgust, Their home was a shrine. Pictures of Seamus were all about the house, on the tables among the walls. Shakes his hands, There were these little prayer notes scattered among the pictures.  In a dull plain voice, Father would light candles, in memory of Seamus. Envious, The entire house was Seamus, every room you entered…..Seamus breathed. Slight pause. Father carried the St. Patrick’s pin from Seamus’s jacket in his pocket. Slight pause. He slowly speaks as if mesmerized by his thoughts, Mother would walk aimlessly around the house with his brush in her hand. She’d delicately stroke the untamed hair….He’d left behind. She’d….She’d hold the
brush so close to her heart….And silently cry. Slight pause. His emotions turn to disgust, She treasured that brush!

Ann: Sighs, It’s so hard to lose a child.

Sean: Enraged, But I was her child! I was her son! I was her son! Why didn’t they see that? I was alive and walking through the house not him! It was me….Me I say, not Seamus! Slight pause. He quickly settle down and resumes a normal tone of voice, They placed me in the corner of Seamus’s room. I was forbidden to touch his side. It was left as if her were returning that day. His clothes where draped over his chair, his bed covers were folded down. His book……Pleads, It was opened, overturned on his night stand…Left on the page he last read! Shakes his head and covers his face, I was angry! I didn’t mean to do it! Shamefully closes his eyes as he cries, I’m sorry! I just wanted to read the book! I…I just wanted to read it! Sudden pause. He furiously yells with a deep harsh anger, You don’t belong on that side of the room! You don’t touch those things, they’re not yours! Sudden pause. A bit amused, I took the book later that evening and tore all of the pages out, scattered them across the room. I then pulled his blankets and sheets off his bed and thrashed them about….Distressed, I was so angry! So angry! Slight pause. I then took his trousers and cut them up into little pieces with a scissors. Proudly admits, I destroyed his room. Slight pause, he slowly states,  I….I remember sitting up in bed whimpering. Not for fear of being discovered but for the pain and hatred I felt towards him.

Ann: hesitantly asks, What did they do to you?

Sean: In a bland emotionless voice, Father crept upon me as I slept that morning. He pulled me by my hair out of bed. Disgusted, Mother just stood there in the doorway….Crying as she looked around the room. Father shook me by my hair and yelled at me. In a furious voice he suddenly yells, You evil bastard! You wretched little child! Sudden pause. He looks down at the table, closes his eyes then gently says, He shoved me into the wall and whipped me with his belt. Slight pause. Emotionlessly he continues, He beat me that morning….He beat all of his anger into me. Slight pause. He then placed me in the closet and locked the door. I stayed there all day, the whole day. No one knocked on the door, no one came to  me.

Ann:  Not even your Mother?

Sean: Appalled by her question, She’d never stand up to Father! Slight pause. Sean’s eyes suddenly glare off as he calmly says, I…..I thought I heard her whimpering for
me, after Father had gone. I peaked through the key hole. She was on her knees…Angrily states, in Seamus’s room. Saddened, Holding the torn pages from the book in her hands…As she cried. Long pause. Sean confidently sits back in his chair then suddenly declares, I killed that man you know…The man in the room. Excited, I killed him….Rambles on, Father helped me pull the trigger. Smiles as he speaks at a normal pace, I remember it as if it were in slow motion. He slowly stands up from his seat and holds out his arms as if holding a gun in his hands. He begins to quiver, He…He…Father wrapped his finger around mine and….I shot him! He smiles then frowns then smiles again as he hesitantly points to his head and yells, Right there! He frowns again then nervously says, Right here in the temple! His body begins to shake as he crazily screams, Bang! Bang! Right here…Points at his head….Bang! He viciously and repeatedly hits his head with his finger as he yells, Right here….Right here! Suddenly lowers his voice, leans in towards Ann, calmly says, He didn’t even try to get away. The man. He….He just sat there as if….As if he were already dead! His speech begins to speed up again, And…And when the bullet went through him…His head jolted back! Jolts his own head back, Ahhhhh! Just like that! Bang! Sudden pause. He straightens his shirt and sits back in his chair. He takes a deep breath as he stares off to the distance. As if in a traz he slowly asks, Where do you come from Ann?

Ann: A little thrown by his question. She hesitates, America

Sean: Annoyed by her answer he demands, Where exactly?

Ann: Quickly answers, Upstate New York.

Sean: Consumed with other thoughts he drifts in and out, Oh. And…..And what’s….what’s it like there? Do you enjoy it?

Ann: It’s tranquil there. A lot of farms, small towns. It’s nice, very nice.

Sean: Still distant, It’s nice? Slight pause, I…I always wanted to go to America you know. Possibly would have settled there. Shakes his head, I don’t know. Not New York though. No…Somewhere with rolling hills on a farm. A lot of land, sunny days….Where the day is all your own. I’d spend my evenings among the open fields as I did in Rathmoyle. His voice becomes very tranquil as he softly says to her with a smile, There was an openness there that you could feel no other place in the world. I’d lay in the meadow, watching the clouds of the blissful sky. Slight pause. He leans into the table and stresses, That’s where I belong. He then sits back in his chair, comfortably slides down in his seat. He slowly drifts off again. He
speaks in a gentle soft voice, I…I sometimes feel that my soul’s still there. As if….As if my heart is sprawled across the field….Upon the earth….Of scattered hay. Suddenly shakes his head and lowers his eyes. In a warm remorseful tone he says, Audrey loved the fields.

Ann: A friend of yours?

Sean: Smiles, We’d meet on top of a hillside. She was so beautiful Ann. She had light gray eyes, very light….And, and when the sun shone upon her face you’d see little clusters of blue bursting through the gray. She had blond hair. Not a true blond, more of a pale red. With a deep passion, A subtle blond red. Her hair was so wonderfully soft. It flowed down past her shoulders. Smiles, She had slight curls that would bounce as we ran and played in the long grass. Slight pause, She was different. She….She didn’t see the line. Gracefully, She didn’t see it at all.

Ann: She was Protestant?

Sean: Pounds his fists against the table as he angrily yells, does it matter? Enraged, Our shadows cast the same image! They….They looked the same as the sun beamed over us while standing upon the fallen tree. Slight pause. His head slowly drift to one side. He painfully stares into his mind for a moment. Disturbed by his thought he moans, We both just stood and stared. Sadly, She…Stumbles over his words, She said to me, I….I can’t tell who you are. Exhausted, I can’t see the difference…In our shadows. Slight pause. His mood quickly shift as his glare lingers on. He says with such anger and hate, He knew she’d be there that day! He hated that I played with her! Suddenly stands from his chair as he desperately yells, She was my friend! The bastard! Bastard! Leans in towards Ann, The other children hated me! Turns away and pleads, She tried to help me….Cries, Stop, stop! What are you doing to him? Leave him alone! Suddenly wails, They shoved her to the ground. I….I tried…..I tried to go to her but…They hit me in the head with a piece of wood. Crazily taps the back of his head as he pitifully rambles on, They kicked me and threw stones at me. Sudden pause. He gracefully stares at Ann. He gently says, Mother wiped my tears for me. She wiped them away with a hanky she’d carried with her. He gently wipes his face with his hand as he tenderly says, Her touch was so soft, so very soft as she wiped my eyes dry. Hesitantly, It….It was the first time she told me she loved me…His voice fades….The first time.

Ann: And your Father?

Sean: Spiteful, Never once did he say those words. Gazes past Ann, Never! Slowly
states, I deserved what the other children had done to me. Father said I was wrong. Distant, I should have never played with her. He hopelessly stares off for a moment and whispers, Borgus hill………..Borgus hills. He suddenly comes alive, Do you know where it is Ann?

Ann: No, no I don’t.

Sean: Sighs, It’s a few miles outside of Antrim. It’s a far walk, so far away from civilization. You have to walk through a large field and in the distance you can see a slight hill. It has a large tree growing atop of it. Below the tree are some rocks scattered and piled, He holds his arm out by his side as he described, about a foot or so high. Father took me there once. Smiles, The walk was so peaceful, it seemed as if we were so far away from the world. His smile suddenly disappears. He looks away from the table and towards the ground. In a deep angry voice, Down on your knees boy! Down on your knees and pray for Seamus! Fearful, I didn’t want to be there! Shakes his head as he moves away from the table, No…I don’t want to! His voice begins to quiver, Father grabbed my arm and pulled me down! He grabbed my face and cuffed my head in his hands. He…he yelled at me….This is where they’ll put you! This is what they’ll do to you! Desperately looks at Ann, He…He held my head close to the grave. Suddenly yells in a deep savage voice, Listen! Listen, you don’t hear him do you? Do you hear him? He’s dead, taken from us…Taken from his life! Whines, Father threw me on top of the grave and left me there…Alone. Sudden pause. He leans over the table, cuffing his face in his hands as he repeatedly whispers to himself, That’s where you belong….Where you belong.  His whispers slowly die down. He lifts his head up and stare off for a moment. He looks to Ann, emotionlessly he announces, I was there that day. I was there…..

Ann: A bit confused, What day Sean?

Sean: Not hearing her he rambles on in his own world, I knew he knew she’d be there. I know he knew! Suddenly erupts. Engulfed in a whirlwind of heart wrenching pain he bellows, No….Not Audrey! He jumps from his seat, looks off in the distance as he frantically yells, Audrey! Looks at Ann,  painfully moans, I was there, standing on th hillside! His speech nervously speeds up, I saw it…..I saw the whole thing! I saw her go into the store…His mood quickly drops as he calmly says, I felt a silence flow over me. I felt….I felt the fear of something to come. Suddenly cries, Audrey! His speech speeds up once more, tripping over words as he nervously explains, When she came out of the store she looked for me up on the hill and smiled! He draws back again, calmly says, She smiled…Returns to his seat…As she raised her hand and and waved.  Slight pause. Loathsomely blurts out, I saw him enter the store a few moments earlier. Brutally glares past Ann, He came out as quickly as he went in. Slight pause. He begins to choke up with an intense emotion. His speech utters such anguish, She…She…Agonizingly mutters, The….The walls…Busted through! There were screams, horrid screams! He begins to panic,  I…I didn’t see her, I couldn’t find Audrey! There…..There was too much rubble, I couldn’t find her! Sudden pause. He covers his face in shame as he powerlessly gathers himself. Devastated he continues, They…They say it happened too fast for her to feel anything. Doubtful, I don’t…I…I don’t believe that! Sighs, No…I don’t believe it at all. His desperate eyes fearfully capture Ann’s. he pleads, She had to have felt something. I know she did! Painfully declares, Even if it were for a second, she felt it. I know she did! Slowly sits back in his chair. Physically disturbed by his thoughts he quietly whispers as his body quivers, She had to have felt something.

Ann: Sympathetically, Oh Sean….How old was she?

Sean: She was thirteen. Slight pause. I waited for her over the hillside. Hopelessly states, She never came to meet me. I returned the next day, same time. Graciously smiles, I hoped I had mistaken. Maybe….Tenderly raises his brows as he sighs, Maybe it wasn’t her. Slight pause. His empty stare unyieldingly cries, I waited an hour. She still hadn’t shown. I then peered over the hill and watched as they removed the broken glass and stone….The torn down wood and ruble. The women cried as they passed the wreckage, the men lowered their hats in memory. Hesitantly, I……I saw a young boy of five or so. He placed a small bundle of flowers along side the road then stepped away and stared….Just stared. Slight pause. I watched till dusk rolled in. Audrey never showed….She never came. Painfully admits, That’s….That’s when I realized. It….It must have been her. He wistfully closes his eyes and for a brief moment he bleeds his own uncertainty as he whispers, It must have been her.  

Ann: Reaches for Sean’s hands as she sympathetically says, I’m so sorry….

Sean: Infuriated by her words, Are you really? Are you really sorry Ann? Furiously glares at her, Are you truly sorry? Do you feel it crying out in your heart? Clutches his heart, Do you feel the sorrow deep inside? Can you feel it pounding against your chest, the deep bolts of your heart? Desperately demands, Can you? Can you? Can you? Sudden pause. He settles down.  He looks at Ann, emotionlessly he says, I too have learned how to say those words. They’re just words you know. Just words. As if proud, that’s all they are. Something you’re suppose to say….When your suppose to say it. Humorously, There’s really nothing behind it. Glares off for a moment. Emotionlessly states, It’s…..Just something we’ve all learned to do….I
guess. Looks at Ann, Your just listening and imagining. It’s not really happening. As if in a tranz, It’s…..It’s not really happening……His voice begins to fade…….To you….Distant, I’ve…Shakes his head, closes his eyes then slowly says, I’ve…I’ve often felt that way. As if you were watching a movie of a show. Watching it unfold before your eyes. As if you were in the audience, just sitting there. No connection….No part of it. Intense, It’s….Points to the distance…It’s there and….Gently hits his chest…..And you’re here. The feelings aren’t really there. You just know how you should feel and what you should say. You pretend and hope that others will believe what you say is what you really feel, but all the while you’re empty. Not a feeling of pity or sorrow leaks through your heart, just that of anger and pain. Slight pause. He lays his arms on the table and gently sits up in his chair. He twitches his fingers as he slowly mutters, Father once asked me, will your sisters come home? Will they walk through that door? Will your Mother make it home unharmed? Will they come through the door without a mark on their souls or a bruise in their hearts? Passionately asks, Will they survive the day? Quickly states, The bomb killed four and injured seven. Suddenly stares off. In a deep powerful voice he says, Four people didn’t….Didn’t walk home Da. Four of them never, never walked through the door. They, brutally, they didn’t survive the day……Da. Slight pause. Perplexed and annoyed, He….He never could see it that way. Confused, Father….Could never…..He couldn’t…..

Ann: Slight pause. She cautiously asks, Can you tell me about your brother Seamus?

Sean: Quickly states, Gunned down. He was walking down a quiet street. One bullet…No reason.

Ann: Was he involved in any groups?

Sean: He leans into the table and softly explains, There….Doesn’t have to be a reason Ann. All of the worthless killings, the hatred and revenge. There’s rarely a reason or an explanation to it all. He stares off into the distance. His eyes plunge towards desolation as he curiously asks, Have you ever seen someone killed Ann?

Ann: Hesitant, No….

Sean: Have you……Ever seen someone’s life…Ripped out from beneath them?

Ann: No, no I……

Sean: It does something to you Ann. To see a man draw his last breath.
Exhausted, It….It….It somehow pulls on you.  Mortal terror suddenly stretches across his fore as he looks at Ann. His torment and agony lingers through his voice, To see him laying there right in front of you. You know that he’s still alive, breathing…..Feeling. You could hear his agony and pain seeping through as he wheezes……..He desperately inhales! Desperately yells, His gasp! His gasp Ann….He gasped the same air as me! He suddenly drops, But in the distance. Wails as he reaches his hand out, Catch it! Catch it…..Catch it! He jumps from his seat. Quivering with fear as he leans over the table and roars, He looked at me! He….He looked at me. I struggled with him! Deeply inhaling and breathing with him Ann! Takes a deep breath then rambles on as if mad, not stopping even to take a breath, And….And, and right when I was breathing with him and…..And holding on for his last chance at life…A man! A man came up from behind and slit his throat! Sudden pause. He closes his eyes. He slowly explains in a calm voice, From the bottom of his left ear to the bottom of his right ear. Slight pause. He slowly sits back in his chair, looks past Ann and in a deep passionate voice he explains, I’ve witnessed his suffering….And gasped his last breath. His passionate eyes soon wither as his body sinks low in his chair. He cautiously exhales, then fearfully admits, He…..He breathed something out of me…..As we exhaled together. Slight pause. Ann desperately looks to him for an answer. He looks to her as he wipes his eyes to explain, Mercy killing Ann. Why let your own suffer? Whispers, Why let them suffer at all? Overwhelmed he closes his eyes then stares off once again, He suddenly blurts out, They came for him. Late in the night. Casually, I thought I was dreaming…..

Ann: Who Sean?

Sean: Impulsively spurts our, Fathers friends. I….I heard a sound outside my window. A muffled sound that woke me. Speaks rapidly, stumbling over his words as he continues, I was curious. I rose from bed and opened the window. Anxiously, I heard the crash…Out in the other room! Nervously rambles on, I was scared Ann, I was scared! I head the foot steps, I knew it was them…..Closes his eyes in fear as he yells, I knew! I jumped….I jumped out the window and ran to the bushes. I saw them, they looked out my window….They were looking for me! Sudden pause. He gently raises his hands to his fore head, agonizingly pressing his palm into his skin as he painfully moans, I heard Mothers scream! I heard her plead for Fathers life…..His body begins to twitch as he desperately pleads, I didn’t know what to do! I didn’t…I stayed in the bushes, I couldn’t move…I couldn’t….His speech speeds up again, They dragged Mother out first. She….She…Fought. The others ruthlessly dragged Father. Suddenly yells, Catherine! Catherine! Turns to Ann and wails, They held her by the head and shoved her to the ground! Mother screamed, she screamed…..Closes his eyes as he holds his head…..I heard her scream! They
wouldn’t let her go. They hit her Ann….They hit Mother with the riffle across her head! Sudden pause. He leans back in his chair. The silence over comes him. He stares off. His tone is reserved as he angrily explains, They shook Catherine with such anger. Glares at Ann with tears in his eyes as he passionately says, She pleaded with them. His face suddenly drops. His eyes fill with fear beyond terror as he painfully says, The man….He….He cradled her head in his arms. Father was helpless….He couldn’t do a thing…..Cries, I just stayed there and watched! The man kissed her….He kissed Catherine on the lips and ….And…..Painfully wails, Killed her! Sudden pause. Sean looks off for a moment, he calmly says with a fierce emotion, Mothers scream was so horrid. He twitches, So horrid and painful……Takes a deep breath, closes his eyes…..It still echoes in the night….His voice fades to a near whisper, and ripples through my brain. Slight pause. In a monotone voice, They soon turned to my Father and killed him with a single bullet. Slight pause. They left Mother there alone. Pause. Shamefully asks, I…..I sometimes feel……As if……As if they should have killed her too? She…..Ashamed, She just became a body, no soul…Nothing. Sighs, Her eyes were two empty sockets that glared out at you. Slowly sits back in thought as he mumbles, There was nothing behind her eyes anymore. She no longer looked at you, saw you or heard what you were saying. She….She couldn’t feel what you felt any longer. Slight pause. He stares off once more then suddenly blurts out, We….Suddenly lowers his voice, gently says, We both lost our love that night.

Ann: Why did they do it Sean?

Sean: he was about to turn informant. Humorously declares, Informant! On the group he so passionately embraced. Silence mourns over, Father always said he’d die for the cause, that he’d die for my freedom. Slight pause. He gracefully looks away from Ann, ashamed. Frustrated by his own anguish he suddenly yells, I’m not an animal Ann! You must realize…I….I didn’t….Suddenly stops, calmly states, I never……Frantically cries as he leans into the table, You must believe me Ann! I’m not who they think I am! Desperately pleads, I’m not an animal Ann! Drops his head to the table. He crazily folds his arms above his neck, painfully admits, I don’t…..I…..I don’t’ regret it! Gently strokes his head as he moans, If I were to go back….It’s do it all over again. Slight pause. He slowly lifts his head and looks at Ann.

Ann: Help me Sean, help me understand….Why did you do it?

Sean: Distressed, I…..I, I had to show him! Pleads, I had to! Nervously explains, I had to….I had to prove it to him. His hands begin to shake as he reluctantly blurts out, I…..Desperately tried to gather himself and fails. He constantly rubs his face with his hands as he sternly emphasizes, I…..I never wanted to know him as he knew
himself! I never….I never wanted to feel the way he felt. Painfully wails, Oh but in Mothers eyes, I felt him! A near whisper, Catherine…..His body flinches as he painfully stutters, When Catherine fell……Disturbed, he frantically cries, I saw what he saw! He leans into the table compassionately says, I felt what he felt. Slight pause. Sean stares off. His body slowly shrinks into the chair. He shamefully announces, He knew I was in the bushes. His only hope….His greatest fear…..A sudden anguish falls upon him as he hopelessly wails, His stare was so heavy! I could still feel the weight of his anger lingering across the night on to me! Slight pause. He stares off once more, calmly states, His eyes were so grand, so proud, they pireced me. Anguished, It gashed my heart. Sorrowful, I saw my Father for the first time that night. Shamefully whispers, I didn’t want to let him go. He gently closed his eyes……As if he knew. He accepted his fate……For his soul…….Was in me. Slight pause. He gently lays his head on the table exhausted. He blurts out, I had to Ann! I had to prove to him…..I had to free myself from him!

Ann: Nine people Sean? Nine innocent people. How did that free you?

Sean: Amused by her question he simply explains, Two children, seven adults. Confidently, Six males, three females. Quickly states, One Father, three Mothers, two Fathers to be, one teenager and two children just looking at what life could be. Slight pause. He stares off for a moment, compassionately says, Five Catholic, four Protestant. Nervously bites his nails as he says in utter frustration, Either way….They were all the same. We’re all people Ann, just people. Sudden pause. He then rambles on, They’re all innocent Ann, all of them! They all died in vain. Angrily adds, Even Father! His body quivers, I……….I had to prove it Ann! I…I just……With an angry fierce passion, I had to prove it to them all! Slight pause. His body twitches as he says, To them all Ann! His voice begins to fade as he desperately whispers, To everyone…….