The Carmi Chronicle

Published yearly by the Gonnet News Corporation

Wattahotsytotsy, WA

Volume 1, Issue 1

27 May 2002

Features:

Celebrity News and Views

Cooking Column

Weather

Sports

Wireless News

Literary Column

Celebrity news and Views

Franklin, vt: our reporter has it on good authority that a certain well-known figure was spotted being followed by a gaggle of boys like the rats of Hamelin followed the Pied Piper. Word has it that none other than Santa Claus was spotted over the weekend while on vacation. This was followed shortly thereafter by unconfirmed reports of the late Jerry Garcia being spotted nearby as well. This reporter prefers to file these reports in the same drawer with all the reports of Elvis being seen with Marilyn Monroe. There were those unexplained reindeer droppings though…

Local man Clarke Thibault, when questioned at length, explained these sightings away with a sheepish grin, saying he is often mistaken for Santa Claus, especially by the elves. The world may never know.

weather

Enosburgh Falls, VT: the weather this weekend alternated between rain, sun, and more sun. Thursday evening was cool, down in the mid 40’s overnight. This made for chilly conditions in Tentville. Friday was rainy and overcast, with the high only hitting the mid to high 50s. Saturday was much the same. The high point of the weekend was Sunday and Monday when the temperatures got into the mid to high 70s, with a ton of sun.

Sports

Local fishing champion, Cherie’ “Old Crusty” Bigelow won the fishing honors this weekend with a record winning smallmouth bass, sucker, and clam catch. Her partner, Bob “Smelly Dog” DeVarney, could only pull off a distant second with a single sheephead of questionable size. Neither were available for comment as of this writing.

In other sports news, the first annual Lake Carmi darts tournament was held on Sunday evening. The participants included Leah, “Deadeye” Thibault, and her partner Giles, “Straight Arrow” took on all comers including Kayla Thibault, teamed with some guy who only wished to be called “Jerry” there were rumors that Jerry Seinfeld was vacationing in the area, but these were unconfirmed as usual.

Wireless News

The wireless world was well represented over the weekend. Bob, “Sparks” DeVarney was active over the weekend on the amateur bands. He talked to amateurs in over 15 countries, including Jamaica. The Jamaican amateur was unavailable for comment. When asked for comment, all bob could say was “dah dit dah dit, dah dah dit dah.”

Cooking column

Farmer’s Fannie, our cooking columnist shares this recipe with us for Campfire Monday Morning Hash:

Ingredients:

Two baked potatoes, diced small

Dilled baby carrots, leftover from Sunday dinner

Real bacon bits

½ diced medium onion

salt and pepper to taste

liberally spray cooking spray on a skillet plate over your barbecue grill. Once the skillet is up to temperature, drop the carrots, potatoes, onions, and bacon on the surface, and chop while turning with the edge of your spatula until all ingredients are cooked through. Serve with scrambled eggs and fresh baked muffins.

Next years cooking column will include Dawn Thibault’s mussel recipe, Mussels Francaise, if we can find a translator to translate it from the French.

Literary News

The first meeting of the Lake Carmi Literary Society was held on the shores of Lake Carmi . The meeting was held to discuss the relative merits (or not) of Chris Bohjalian and his views on the world. Dawn, “Mrs Claus” Thibault seemed to be the ringleader of the group, and they were anything but a sedate group of ladies. On at least one occasion, they were spotted smoking cigars, swearing, jaywalking, and spitting in public.

Late Breaking News

The rumor mill has it that local man, Brian “Paschal” Thibault was contacted by the “survivor” people. Apparently, they are considering him for the next seasons’ show, survivor northeast kingdom. Here he is perfecting his Roast Cocoanut technique. We are sure he will do just fine, given his prowess with an axe and a coconut.

Well, it’s back to the Real World. See you next year. Comments, Bitches, Gripes, or Complaints, as well as letters to the Editor may be addressed to: Carmi Chronicle Editor