The Chris Wheeler Glossary

"Quite possibly the most popular Chris Wheeler vocabulary builder on these World Wide Internets."

(Compiled from suggestions of phans- To suggest a new entry, click here)

A B.B.- Any line drive or hard hit ball that the defensive player might have difficulty fielding
A Beauty - Someone who is funny, crazy, or just a little goofy; a bullpen pitcher; Amaury Telemaco
A Double Whomper - When a batter hits a foul ball and that ball proceeds to hit the opposing catcher and the umpire
Ah Geez - see That's A Joke!, Here We Go Again!, Oh Brother!, You Gotta Be Kidding Me
As You Said... - You took the words right out of my mouth, but I'm going to say the same thing anway
Ba Hahaha HeHeHe HA - I think your (largely unfunny) baseball-related story is amusing
Babyfaced Assassin, The - Florida Marlin Miguel Cabrera
Back for the play-by-play, here's Harry! - I apologize ahead of time for an awkward 7th, 8th and 9th
Back She Goes - That ball will leave the confines of the ballpark's fair territory in the outfield
Ball Just Flys Out Of Here, The - Any ballpark where the Phillies can hit more than one home run in an inning; See In This Ballpark, No Lead Is Too Big
Blew a tire, He - Anything from a stubbed toe to a fracture sustained during base running which results in an injury
Book On Him Is, The - Seriously, I read this in a book (often followed by ...First Ball Fastball, Middle-in)
Bowling Pin - A speedy baserunner, who, in his quest to push the defense into making errors, occasionally slips on the basepaths; see also Waterbug. (Usage- "He's like a waterbug out there. He takes that big turn around first to make sure, and slips up. He gets out there and he's like a bowling pin.")
Bubbly Kid - Presumably masculine grown-up Chris Roberson
Buggywhip - A powerhitter's quick swing
Chin Divot - The mark left on a baseball field when a fielder dives for a ball and hits his chin on the ground; A reference to this phenomenon will always include a reference to an artificial playing surface and how the player is lucky the dive did not happen on said surface.
Crooked Number - Any number above 1; the kind of the inning that the Phillies want to have, but don't want to have
Darth Vader Move - Particularly sneaky pickoff move, borderline balk, from a crafty left-handed pitcher; Chris Capuano's pickoff move
Dead-red - Absolute
Didn't Want To Do That - A pitcher has issued a base on balls
Dirtball-type Guys - see He Plays The Game The Right Way
Dropped Anchor, He Just - Any time a base runner that Wheeler thought should be on second, correctly stops at first
Dunker - Perhaps some sort of hit
Does He Throw A Split? - That pitch wasn't a fastball
Fay Lease - Giants third baseman, Pedro Feliz
First Ball Fastball, Middle-in - Any pitch that someone can hit
Funky - A pitcher's unorthodox delivery; a ground ball that takes a strange hop off the turf ; pitches thrown by Brian Fuentes
Good Little Hitter, A - Florida Marlin Dan Uggla
Goofy - This player: 1. Seems to be in possession of even a rudimentary sense of humor; 2. Indicates through words, gestures, or facial expressions, that he might be enjoying himself on the field of play; Also used to describe any of that player's notable attributes, I.e., Randy Wolf's goofy curveball, Jimmy Rollins' goofy dislocated shoulder; Special deference given to players who grew up in Southern California
Happy Zone - Location of a pitch thrown which the hitter strikes with great force; see also First-Ball Fastball; Middle In; Wheelhouse. (Usage- "That pitch was up in his happy zone and he just crushed it".)
He Back-legged That One (or He's A Back-legger) - The batter took a big swing or is known to swing hard; he's Sammy Sosa; he's Andruw Jones.
He (Just) Dropped The Bat Head On It (or That One) - He got a hit
He Just Reached Out/Went Down There And Got That - The way I verbally reward any player for swinging at a terrible pitch that he manages to turn into a basehit, despite substantial odds against him
He Got All Of It - The proximate cause of any home run that clears the outfield fence by a substantial distance
He Has Fun Out There - He's awful; He's Tomas Perez
He Just Hit It Off The End Of The Bat A Little Bit - That hit isn't a homerun
He Plays The Game The Right Way - He's one (or more) of the following: David Eckstein, Jack Wilson, David Bell, Matt Kata, Paul Loduca, Brad Wilkerson, Craig Biggio, Marcus Giles, Brady Clark, Todd Walker, Mark Grudzielanek, Neifi Perez*, Juan Pierre*, Craig Counsell, Nick Johnson, Jose Vidro* , Aaron Miles, Ty Wigginton, Ryan Freel
He Respects The Game's History - He's an African-American player (especially Dontrelle Willis or Jimmy Rollins) under the age of 30.
He Runs Like He's Underwater - He runs like me
He'll Be The First To Tell Ya - A Guy Who Plays The Game The Right Way has commited an error or mental mistake
He's All Class - Any person with substantial time in baseball, even if he's a horse's rear
He's A Ballplayer - see He Plays The Game The Right Way
He's A Real Good Athlete - He's a pitcher who fields his position well or is a good hitter or bunter.
He's A Great Baseball Man - He won't talk to me
He's A Stylist - Reds 2nd baseman Brandon Phillips
He's A Typical Lefty - He's goofy; he's funky
He's In A Little Bit Of A Funk Right Now - He hasn't hit very well since the Rookie League
He's Just Trying So Hard To Make A Play Out There - A Guy Who Plays The Game The Right Way has attempted and failed at making a boneheaded play
He's Just Trying To Stay Out Of A Big Inning - They're going to blow it
He's One Of Those Guys Who Wants (or Knows How) To Win - He's one (or more) of the following: David Eckstein, Jack Wilson, David Bell, Matt Kata, Paul Loduca, Brad Wilkerson, Craig Biggio, Marcus Giles, Brady Clark, Todd Walker, Mark Grudzielanek, Neifi Perez*, Juan Pierre*, Craig Counsell, Nick Johnson, Jose Vidro*, Aaron Miles, Ty Wigginton, Ryan Freel
He's Pressing Right Now And Just Needs To Find His Stroke. This Is Not The insert player's name We Know - When A Guy Who Plays The Game The Right Way (I.e., David Bell) is doing extraordinarily bad with the bat over a period of 4 or more games, Wants the listener to understand that the batter is still making an effort (pressing) and that it is really the effort (always a good thing) that causes the negative performance. Wants the listener to believe it is not the player's fault.
Here Come The (insert Phillies opponent) - The opponent scored a run
Here We Go Again! - A Latin pitcher issues a base on balls (See Space Cadet)
Hooks One In The Hole - A hitter executes a successful hit-and-run by singling to right, sending the runner to third, this is best accomplished with a first-ball fastball, middle-in
How Important Was...? - I think that was important, do you agree? (usage: on the pre-game manager's show, "Charlie, how important was that game winning home run by Utley last night?")
Huge - It means a lot (As in: "That pitch was huge", or "Howard's grand slams have been huge". Do not mistake with "HUGE"; Safeco Field is HUGE.)
HUGE - Safeco Field
In This Ballpark, No Lead Is Too Big - Citizens Bank Park, Coors Field, Great American Ballpark, Miller Park, etc. are hitters' parks
In This Ballpark, You Really Got To Work To Score Runs - Shea Stadium, Safeco Field, Dolphins Stadium, RFK Stadium, Turner Field are pitchers' park
Jose Rey as - Mets second baseman over which Wheeler salivates
LA... - Larry Andersen; former junkballing major league reliever and resident humorist (usage includes: "LA - how important is strike one?" -- Chris wishes LA to spin the viewers a colorful yarn about the perils of getting behind in the count. Or, he just wants to get on our nerves and talk down to us.)
Laser Beam - Anything more than a humpback liner. (Ex.: That was a really tough play for Bell. Andruw hit a laser beam.)
Look Out! - A batted baseball is rapidly approaching the broadcast booth
Loosey Goosey - A team in an advanced state of relaxation; "When a team is loosey goosey like this they find ways to win."
Magic Wand - Juan Pierre's ability to do anything, at any time, to the Phillies
Major League Bombardier - Russell Branyan and Adam Dunn can hit the ball a substantial distance
Network Associates Colliseum - More foul territory than fair
No-Doubles Defense - Any defensive alignment late in the game
Oh Baby! - Usually preceded or followed by Back She Goes! or There's A Long One!
Oh Brother! - I don't believe what I've just seen; Expletive deleted
Oh Yeeeeeaaaaaaahhhh, He's All Lathered Up N' Ready to Come In - The state at which a professional is ready to compete
Parachute - A fly ball that seems to come straight down when affected by the wind
Pa DEE ya - A space cadet
Pesky - I love this man
Pest (on the basepaths) - David Eckstein, Juan Pierre
Plus Runner - David Dellucci; A baserunner with above average speed, but not so fast that he is a Pest
Pulled a Rock - made a mental error, as in, "Gonzalez pulled a rock to let that runner score while he was looking at the umpire."
Really Weird Game, A - Any game in which three or more total runs are scored and at least one error is committed (ex. "Wow, Utley makes that play ninety-nine out of a hundred times, but that's just the way things are going tonight. This is a really weird game!")
Renee - Wheeler's oft-mentioned but never-seen significant other
Right - Phrases that Wheeler uses 99 out of 100 times to retort one of his colleagues' already stated observations (usage: HK: “Ryan Howard crushed that ball” WHEELER: “Right / Yeah that’s the thing, when he gets a ball middle in he just drops the bat head on it & boy did he crush that ball.”)
Safeco Field - That place is HUGE
Scrappy - Player who does all the little things, but sucks at most everything else (see also Pest)
See ya! - the Phillies pitcher made a bad pitch and the opponent hit a home run (usage: "Lieber was trying to get it in to Pujols and didn't get it far enough in and see ya!")
Slide Ball - Commonly known as a slider
Smoke(d) - Hit hard (usage: "Rowand and Utley really smoked eachother"; "He just smokes that ball into left")
Sneaky - Any pitcher of Asian decent
Something Special - A top prospect or promising rookie who will soon flame out
Space Cadet - A pitcher of Latin descent
Tay Hay Dah - Former Phillies pitcher (and possible Space Cadet) Robinson Tejeda
That Ball Squirts Out of His Hand - He throws a good change-up. (usage: "Madson's tall and lanky anyway, and he has kind of a deceptive motion and that ball just squirts out of his hand.")
That Little Flip - A shortstop's less-than-full-stregnth throw to first (usage: "I just don't understand how Rollins gets so much out of that little flip.")
That's A Joke! - As evidenced by that call, the umpires clearly have a vendetta against the Phils; Wheeler disagrees
That's A Perfect Pitch - Although the pitch was hit, Wheeler believes that This Guy (who) Has A Clue Out There did they best he could (often repeated)
There's A Long One! - That home run was hit a substantial distance
There's Our Old Friend (insert former Phillies anything) - He never liked me
This Guy Has A Clue Out There - This guy is not a Space Cadet
This Guy Really Has The Phillies Number (or This Guy Just Kills The Phillies) - A player on an opposing club (and there's one on EVERY team) that performs particularly well against the Phillies
Those Frisbees - Pitches thrown by Byung-Hyun Kim
3-1 On The Hook-Up - Used each and every time a ground ball fielded by the firstbaseman is flipped to the pitcher covering first for the out
Top-Steppin' It - 1. When a pitcher is in serious trouble and the manager is perched on the top step of the dugout ready to come get him. (ex.: Olsen already has Joe Girardi top-steppin' it) or 2. When a team is down but looking to rally and their players rise to the top step of the dugout, as if their standing will improve the hitter's chances. (ex.: These guys are top-steppin' it because they know they have an opportunity to get back in the game.)
Triples Are Fun - I really, really, really like a three-base hit
Trolley Wire - A homerun ball that does not get very high off of the ground
Trying To Do Too Much - A Ballplayer is in a slump. (Example: Aaron Rowand, during his 4th AB in the Phils 4th game this year, after which he was 2 for 14)
Turn it over - When a left handed batter grounds to the first basemen
Veea-Ray-Al - Braves reliever Oscar Villarreal
Wagon Spoke - Alfonso Soriano's gigantic baseball bat
Was That A Split? - I have no idea what pitch that was (See also Does He Throw A Split?)
Waterbug - See Bowling Pin
We'll See How They Score It - I have my mind made up, and I will soon disagree with whatever the scorer decides
Wheelhouse, The Hitter's - The location of any pitch that is subsequently crushed by a left-handed batter. Something I heard on ESPN that I use because it sounds cool even though I don't know what it means. (Usage: "He just left that right in Griffey's Wheelhouse and he got all of it.") See: First Ball Fastball, Middle-In
Wheels - Our muse
Whitey... - Phillies legendary player and broadcaster that I can now talk about because he's dead
Yeah, That's The Thing - See Right
Yips, The - Apparent nervousness on defense. (Usage: "(Player) looks like he has the yips out there the way he booted that ball.")
You (sic) Hate To See That - Either a bad call and now a player is arguing on tilt, or a lumbering slow-footed, oft-injured guy fouls one off his foot and he is in pain
You Gotta Be Kidding Me - see That's A Joke!, Here We Go Again!, Oh Brother!, Ah Geez
You Just Don't See That Very Often - It occurs frequently but I'm too busy yackin' to notice

also available: Wheengo (card 1), Wheengo (card 2)

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